If I have known something about myself and been sure about it is that I am sensitive to other people's feelings. I am a good judge of character.I am also quick to tune into nuances and careful not to hurt someone knowingly. I know I do not have a perfect score in this and the times that I have failed is because , a) I have been too tired to try, b) Lately I find myself zoning out more often than I want...maybe because of a lack of "me/alone time" c) I am hormonal and turn into a person I barely know. Very rarely though I am on purpose trying to be rude and insensitive.
I don't know why I am writing this because I wanted this piece to be a kind of study of people and 2 types in particular.
1. Social Embarrassments: in particular the ones who crack the feeblest of jokes, have a garish sense of style, and love to shake a leg when clearly they cannot.
2. Bullies : they come in all shapes and size but are universally disliked.
Type 1 that I mentioned, surprise me and cause me a lot of grief. Primarily because I am someone who always sheds tears for the underdog and also because I have seen how these kind of people tend to bring out the worst in the rest of us. I fear, I might have unknowingly, been a part of such heckling crowds though like a bad hangover or better still since I don't drink, like a bad dream, it comes to haunt me later. The trauma associated for me post such events has been the thought of having children who despite and in spite of all my efforts grow up to be people who make a fool of themselves in social gatherings. I have been extra kind and attentive to the SEs afterwards. I have noticed with some worry the glee with which many enjoy this person making a fool of herself/himself. I have also wondered with a pang of pain and remorse whether such people realize that it is at their cost the others laugh.
And I have a sneaking suspicion that sometimes they do and I salute them for their courage and bravado in pretending all is 'fine'.
Type 2 , I have little or no sympathy for. Bullies in all shapes and size and styles put me off. After any and every encounter with a Bully I hate myself for having lacked the timing , wit or courage, one or all of them, to have retorted to some smart!!! comment with style. I have berated myself time and again for this lack of reaction on my part. Although, with time, yet again I have realized the Bully could be subtle, loud, obnoxious, rude and pretending to be standing on some sort of a high ground but this behavior is nothing more than a facade to hide behind. They are shouting down everybody else because they have their own insecurities to hide. This knowledge makes me more tolerant of them.
This piece was not meant to judge ,condemn and label. It is merely an observation. To have a good night's sleep though I find it necessary to mention my own vices here , the 2 biggest being anger and as my husband reminds me often ,the fact that I take poorly to criticism.