In the past couple of months, some friends of mine have lost their parents. A couple of them have parents diagnosed with terminal illnesses. The difficult and painful conversations I had with them left me in a melancholy and a soul searching mood.
The stories I tell are a reflection of our times and also question how and who really benefits from the disintegration of joint/extended families. The oft used phrase thanks to opening economies and globalization " The world is a small place" seems to be true for us, the generation X, but for our parents it means a lonely old age, with visits to children and grandchildren, the frequency of which depends on distance, budgets, schedules and willingness mostly of the super busy children.
Since we are dashing off from one goal to the other and planning and micro planning for a future over which we do not have any control really, we hardly have any time to pause and think. The slightly numb, over achieving, more or less self absorbed generation that we are , we need something drastic to move us and get our attention. Though we are also a people with some or the other kind of attention disorder and whatever stops us and encourages self introspection and possibly regret followed by change, is also not gauranteed our fullest and sustained focus. We will surely flit to another more pressing concern and paint a coat of "justifications", "logicality", "practicality" over our selfish acts.
Anyways here are some of the events which gnaw at me........
'A' lives in UK, far away from her parents who reside in India. She suddenly gets a call informing her that her father has taken seriously ill. En route to India she finds out he has had a brain heomaarege and is in a coma. He it seems and so she believes, is hanging on to his life only to allow her to see him 'alive' once, before he departs this earthly abode. He passes away some hours after her arrival.I feel, even in his dying moments, he is the quintessential parent worried more about the child than himself.
She is tortured by the fact that she used to get to see her parents only after a year and a half. And every visit she felt that that they had aged years and looked different from the last visit. With dread I admit, I too, completely relate with this feeling.
'K' and his sister 'B' lived in the same country, India, as their parents, but in different cities. Both lead busy lives and regularly visit their parents. Yet they somehow were not present when their mother had a pacemaker installed. She is about to visit 'K' next month,who is expecting his second child. She has a massive heart attack and passes away on Friday night. 'K' and 'B' could reach only on saturday morning. Their father spends the night alone in the hospital with his spouse of over 40 years lying dead on a cold steel bed. 'B' cries and so do I along with her that her departed mother had requested that they keep their leaves intact because she really wanted her children to be with her when she got her pacemaker replaced in December. The mother confesses, hated being alone the first time around. 'B' sobs heartbreakingly and says "we are useless, we left her alone". And I cry with her knowing the same holds true for me.
'R' and 'M' are wracked with guilt because their mothers underwent chemotherapy and recovered after an accident respectively and did it alone. Both 'R' and 'M' have been blessed with great extended families who rallied around their mothers but the bottomline remains that the children were absent. 'R' and 'M' have trouble meeting the eyes of these dear family members who care for their mothers but who also are a constant reminder of who and what they substitute for.
In a world where parents are loudly and self righteously blamed for psychologically and emotionally, scarring children by a variety of methods...abuse and neglect being primary, why is there no fingerpointing and reprisal if it is the other way round.
I also know what I am guity of and how so. I have my own personal demons to slay and hopefully having done that, will have the courage and goodness, to do what is only right.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Gain two... Lose Some
My friend Piper's post "Erma Bombeck - On Motherhood", inspired me to think of all that I have gained and lost post domesticity and motherhood especially. A mother of 2 delightful and lovely children I will not write about all that I have gained because I will not be able to do justice to it and most importantly I learn everyday, how valuable is the treasure bestowed upon me.
On a humorous but honest note I can enumerate the various things that I have given up and habits I have picked up in the process:
1. I do not remember the last time I DID not have an audience when I used the restroom. This audience of mine either gleefully monitors my every move or hurries me on by insisting that they need to use the facility too. And this happens with such regularity that the simple act of attending to natures call, demands prior strategy and a game plan of sorts.
2. Yes I hide my chocolates ...I hide it from my children because I crave for that Ferrero Rocher and I want to eat that..one whole piece of chocolate ..without having to share it with anyone ...my children bring out the mean child in me at times. Its been ages when I or someone bought chocolates for me.
3. I don't remember what it feels to be footloose and fancy free...nothing overly dramatic but just the feel of a great handbag in one's arm minus all the hoola hoo of an over sized cumbersome diaper bag. Or as of now a chic over sized handbag which contains things I need and not a slightly darkening and limp banana, a toy car, a fake plastic cell phone or an ear piercing whistle, a water gun which is most likely to be aimed at and squirted at my eye.
4. I do my own little angry dance every time I am asked to leave my plateful of surprisingly hot food to wash wipe or clean some one's behind. Potty time for the little people is always when its eating time for mommy.
5. Hubby darling and I have been frozen into inaction during our snatched moments of intimacy by a wailing baby or a sleep talking toddler. In retrospect it is very funny but sometimes when such moments are far and in between...to laugh it off has been hard to do.
6. I don't know what it is to talk to an adult be it my husband or a visiting girlfriend without some sort of a background noise or a little person using devious methods to claim everyone's attention. One of the methods commonly used is attempts (failed one , thankfully) to jump out of the third floor window screaming "Mommy ! Look! I can fly !!!"
7. Eating out without worrying about what others think about your child rearing style is a state of mind, alien to me. Constant fear that your 'intent on running around in circles 'child might collide headfirst with a tray laden waiter can act as a very good appetite dampener.
8. I want to do what I love the most...read a good book , something other than Dr. Suess and Bernstein Bears. My favorite fantasy these days revolves around a comfy chair,a good book and no one else around to disturb this equilibrium.
8. My days are generously sprinkled with embarrassing moments...my child ...decides to dig his nose and with a frenzy as soon as I turn around to introduce him to the elderly but prim librarian, starts eating an unwashed cucumber/tomato/okra which is kept in the shopping cart as if he/she is starved at home, wants to stay for extended periods of time and at times even live with people other than his/her parents, has at times pulled his/her pants down and run around in glee as if we, the parents encourage such behavior.
I can easily write a sequel or two or more to this piece. But my two have certainly taught me to put on a brave face, develop a thick skin and take everything with a pinch of salt and humor.
On a humorous but honest note I can enumerate the various things that I have given up and habits I have picked up in the process:
1. I do not remember the last time I DID not have an audience when I used the restroom. This audience of mine either gleefully monitors my every move or hurries me on by insisting that they need to use the facility too. And this happens with such regularity that the simple act of attending to natures call, demands prior strategy and a game plan of sorts.
2. Yes I hide my chocolates ...I hide it from my children because I crave for that Ferrero Rocher and I want to eat that..one whole piece of chocolate ..without having to share it with anyone ...my children bring out the mean child in me at times. Its been ages when I or someone bought chocolates for me.
3. I don't remember what it feels to be footloose and fancy free...nothing overly dramatic but just the feel of a great handbag in one's arm minus all the hoola hoo of an over sized cumbersome diaper bag. Or as of now a chic over sized handbag which contains things I need and not a slightly darkening and limp banana, a toy car, a fake plastic cell phone or an ear piercing whistle, a water gun which is most likely to be aimed at and squirted at my eye.
4. I do my own little angry dance every time I am asked to leave my plateful of surprisingly hot food to wash wipe or clean some one's behind. Potty time for the little people is always when its eating time for mommy.
5. Hubby darling and I have been frozen into inaction during our snatched moments of intimacy by a wailing baby or a sleep talking toddler. In retrospect it is very funny but sometimes when such moments are far and in between...to laugh it off has been hard to do.
6. I don't know what it is to talk to an adult be it my husband or a visiting girlfriend without some sort of a background noise or a little person using devious methods to claim everyone's attention. One of the methods commonly used is attempts (failed one , thankfully) to jump out of the third floor window screaming "Mommy ! Look! I can fly !!!"
7. Eating out without worrying about what others think about your child rearing style is a state of mind, alien to me. Constant fear that your 'intent on running around in circles 'child might collide headfirst with a tray laden waiter can act as a very good appetite dampener.
8. I want to do what I love the most...read a good book , something other than Dr. Suess and Bernstein Bears. My favorite fantasy these days revolves around a comfy chair,a good book and no one else around to disturb this equilibrium.
8. My days are generously sprinkled with embarrassing moments...my child ...decides to dig his nose and with a frenzy as soon as I turn around to introduce him to the elderly but prim librarian, starts eating an unwashed cucumber/tomato/okra which is kept in the shopping cart as if he/she is starved at home, wants to stay for extended periods of time and at times even live with people other than his/her parents, has at times pulled his/her pants down and run around in glee as if we, the parents encourage such behavior.
I can easily write a sequel or two or more to this piece. But my two have certainly taught me to put on a brave face, develop a thick skin and take everything with a pinch of salt and humor.
Monday, March 2, 2009
About bullies and more
If I have known something about myself and been sure about it is that I am sensitive to other people's feelings. I am a good judge of character.I am also quick to tune into nuances and careful not to hurt someone knowingly. I know I do not have a perfect score in this and the times that I have failed is because , a) I have been too tired to try, b) Lately I find myself zoning out more often than I want...maybe because of a lack of "me/alone time" c) I am hormonal and turn into a person I barely know. Very rarely though I am on purpose trying to be rude and insensitive.
I don't know why I am writing this because I wanted this piece to be a kind of study of people and 2 types in particular.
1. Social Embarrassments: in particular the ones who crack the feeblest of jokes, have a garish sense of style, and love to shake a leg when clearly they cannot.
2. Bullies : they come in all shapes and size but are universally disliked.
Type 1 that I mentioned, surprise me and cause me a lot of grief. Primarily because I am someone who always sheds tears for the underdog and also because I have seen how these kind of people tend to bring out the worst in the rest of us. I fear, I might have unknowingly, been a part of such heckling crowds though like a bad hangover or better still since I don't drink, like a bad dream, it comes to haunt me later. The trauma associated for me post such events has been the thought of having children who despite and in spite of all my efforts grow up to be people who make a fool of themselves in social gatherings. I have been extra kind and attentive to the SEs afterwards. I have noticed with some worry the glee with which many enjoy this person making a fool of herself/himself. I have also wondered with a pang of pain and remorse whether such people realize that it is at their cost the others laugh.
And I have a sneaking suspicion that sometimes they do and I salute them for their courage and bravado in pretending all is 'fine'.
Type 2 , I have little or no sympathy for. Bullies in all shapes and size and styles put me off. After any and every encounter with a Bully I hate myself for having lacked the timing , wit or courage, one or all of them, to have retorted to some smart!!! comment with style. I have berated myself time and again for this lack of reaction on my part. Although, with time, yet again I have realized the Bully could be subtle, loud, obnoxious, rude and pretending to be standing on some sort of a high ground but this behavior is nothing more than a facade to hide behind. They are shouting down everybody else because they have their own insecurities to hide. This knowledge makes me more tolerant of them.
This piece was not meant to judge ,condemn and label. It is merely an observation. To have a good night's sleep though I find it necessary to mention my own vices here , the 2 biggest being anger and as my husband reminds me often ,the fact that I take poorly to criticism.
I don't know why I am writing this because I wanted this piece to be a kind of study of people and 2 types in particular.
1. Social Embarrassments: in particular the ones who crack the feeblest of jokes, have a garish sense of style, and love to shake a leg when clearly they cannot.
2. Bullies : they come in all shapes and size but are universally disliked.
Type 1 that I mentioned, surprise me and cause me a lot of grief. Primarily because I am someone who always sheds tears for the underdog and also because I have seen how these kind of people tend to bring out the worst in the rest of us. I fear, I might have unknowingly, been a part of such heckling crowds though like a bad hangover or better still since I don't drink, like a bad dream, it comes to haunt me later. The trauma associated for me post such events has been the thought of having children who despite and in spite of all my efforts grow up to be people who make a fool of themselves in social gatherings. I have been extra kind and attentive to the SEs afterwards. I have noticed with some worry the glee with which many enjoy this person making a fool of herself/himself. I have also wondered with a pang of pain and remorse whether such people realize that it is at their cost the others laugh.
And I have a sneaking suspicion that sometimes they do and I salute them for their courage and bravado in pretending all is 'fine'.
Type 2 , I have little or no sympathy for. Bullies in all shapes and size and styles put me off. After any and every encounter with a Bully I hate myself for having lacked the timing , wit or courage, one or all of them, to have retorted to some smart!!! comment with style. I have berated myself time and again for this lack of reaction on my part. Although, with time, yet again I have realized the Bully could be subtle, loud, obnoxious, rude and pretending to be standing on some sort of a high ground but this behavior is nothing more than a facade to hide behind. They are shouting down everybody else because they have their own insecurities to hide. This knowledge makes me more tolerant of them.
This piece was not meant to judge ,condemn and label. It is merely an observation. To have a good night's sleep though I find it necessary to mention my own vices here , the 2 biggest being anger and as my husband reminds me often ,the fact that I take poorly to criticism.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Friends and the City
I know I am running behind, but I was thrilled to watch Sex and the City -The Movie. FINALLY!. Though I saw it with many an interruption but I did make the effort to make it a pleasurable experience for myself.....the alchohol removed champagne,caprese stacks etc. (I fear I might have overdone it which does not bode well for the 10lbs. I am desperate to lose :( )
I do wish I could have done it in style and in some good female company but...what the heck...a pair of red and white polka dot flannel pajamas, and regular interruptions (had to deal with ink stamps and dirty little fingers, Curious George online games and chocolate milk) did not take away from the experience.
Besides drooling over the delicious outfits, bags and shoes (I am a girlie girl)what struck me most and stayed with me afterwards was the strong and lasting female friendships portrayed in the movie. I did not see the TV series to be honest, but loved the movie nonetheless. And I craved and how so, for female bonding and companionship. Not that I am lacking for it, but I missed and remembered all those girls who have crossed my path and have turned into even lovelier women. So here is an ode to some of the women who are great friends and some who I wish were:
The Activist :
She is a fierce , beautiful, strong, opinionated woman who is so different from me and yet so fundamentally similar. I am thankful we discovered what we had in common and hit it off. She smoked, she drank, she was/is loud and many hate her guts and her brains. I love her for the same ( the guts and the brains). She is someone with whom I contemplated unmentionable career choices (don't know why , she was probably drunk and I have no justifications), starting a NGO to fight for speedy trials and work on improvements in the justice system. She is doing better than planned and is fighting for the environment and the people, getting jailed and man-handled,travelling third class,....what not......
She is someone who I hold very dear and a peer that I genuinely admire.
Medusa :
I christened her Medusa, because she wandered around at unearthly hours in the hostel reading Marxian theories. She was almost mouselike in her demeanor at times and lion like, in her knowledge. I for some reason have always felt protective of her and by some sad twist of fate she has seen more than her share of tough times. I feel guilty for not being with her during those moments.
Roomie :
She was my first roomie and she was and probably still is a mother hen. We were a sight to behold...atleast 6 inches apart in hieght. But we shared the same values and the same small town dreams. She was a 'good girl' and I almost felt a little scared to let the 'bad girl' in me play out in front of her. For a 'good girl' ...she surprised me later in life with her own volatile love story and happy ending ,touchwood. So much for predictability. She is someone I know I can go running to for some TLC and hot soup on a cold day.
The Southie :
Another dear friend whose wedding left me bedazzled ...a regular Reddy wedding with diamonds and gold and heavier than body weight, Kanjeevarams....her simplicity is endearing and she is someone who is so easy to be around. I miss her and sense that a good heart to heart talk is long due.
My Support System in a Foriegn Land :
These are a group of women whom I would have never befriended. And what a loss it would have been. We would have crossed paths without stopping to talk merely because of our differences in education, interests, the way we verbalize and its not the language I am referring to. Thanks to them I realize these differences are so over hyped and there are some things which rise above all this and way more meaningful. I have formed some of the most precious friendships with people whom I have very little in common. But, being there for someone... sees no bar. From Goa connections,to an artist, to the chawl girl whose tenacity never ceases to amaze me. From absolute large heartedness, to total selflessness, to petty quarrels, to the only ray of hope in the long , cold New Jersey winters, from spouse cribbing sessions, to giggling over intimate details, from pot lucks and yoga sessions to girls night outs, from exchanging how to raise your child tips to discussing philosophy and spirituality, its been a joyous ride.
Wish I were more friendly with these friends/acquaintences :
These are girls I knew at school/college/work or some point of my life whom I admire for some or the other reason and wish I knew them better. The intelligent but rude and obnoxious Bong, from school (sorry thats how I remember her and I am sure she remembers me as worse )who has turned into this brilliant and sensitive writer. I read her posts and wish I could meet her over a cuppa coffee and talk about movies, books, politics anything and everything.
There are some fashionistas whose sense of style is jaw dropping and how I wish I could have them for a shopping guide considering that I hate shopping though I do love the goodies. Some seemingly live their lives with such abandon that I would love to take a leaf out of thier book.Some who drove me nuts yet were so intellectually and emotionally stimulating (yet another Bong from Grad school)
Some whom I remember as sweet gentle souls from a bygone era whom I would love to reconnect with...not just on social networking sites. I wonder about their well being and wish only the best for them. Some who I met fleetingly but who left a huge impression on me, and the desire to befriend them.
The bottomline being I am a woman through and through and though I could live without many things , I dont think I could survive and if yes, barely so without female bonding and companionship. To all the men who lent a patient ear and have been/are a part of my life,...... I owe you one, too.
So here's raising a toast to all the women in my life and to everlasting frinedships.Cheers!!!
I do wish I could have done it in style and in some good female company but...what the heck...a pair of red and white polka dot flannel pajamas, and regular interruptions (had to deal with ink stamps and dirty little fingers, Curious George online games and chocolate milk) did not take away from the experience.
Besides drooling over the delicious outfits, bags and shoes (I am a girlie girl)what struck me most and stayed with me afterwards was the strong and lasting female friendships portrayed in the movie. I did not see the TV series to be honest, but loved the movie nonetheless. And I craved and how so, for female bonding and companionship. Not that I am lacking for it, but I missed and remembered all those girls who have crossed my path and have turned into even lovelier women. So here is an ode to some of the women who are great friends and some who I wish were:
The Activist :
She is a fierce , beautiful, strong, opinionated woman who is so different from me and yet so fundamentally similar. I am thankful we discovered what we had in common and hit it off. She smoked, she drank, she was/is loud and many hate her guts and her brains. I love her for the same ( the guts and the brains). She is someone with whom I contemplated unmentionable career choices (don't know why , she was probably drunk and I have no justifications), starting a NGO to fight for speedy trials and work on improvements in the justice system. She is doing better than planned and is fighting for the environment and the people, getting jailed and man-handled,travelling third class,....what not......
She is someone who I hold very dear and a peer that I genuinely admire.
Medusa :
I christened her Medusa, because she wandered around at unearthly hours in the hostel reading Marxian theories. She was almost mouselike in her demeanor at times and lion like, in her knowledge. I for some reason have always felt protective of her and by some sad twist of fate she has seen more than her share of tough times. I feel guilty for not being with her during those moments.
Roomie :
She was my first roomie and she was and probably still is a mother hen. We were a sight to behold...atleast 6 inches apart in hieght. But we shared the same values and the same small town dreams. She was a 'good girl' and I almost felt a little scared to let the 'bad girl' in me play out in front of her. For a 'good girl' ...she surprised me later in life with her own volatile love story and happy ending ,touchwood. So much for predictability. She is someone I know I can go running to for some TLC and hot soup on a cold day.
The Southie :
Another dear friend whose wedding left me bedazzled ...a regular Reddy wedding with diamonds and gold and heavier than body weight, Kanjeevarams....her simplicity is endearing and she is someone who is so easy to be around. I miss her and sense that a good heart to heart talk is long due.
My Support System in a Foriegn Land :
These are a group of women whom I would have never befriended. And what a loss it would have been. We would have crossed paths without stopping to talk merely because of our differences in education, interests, the way we verbalize and its not the language I am referring to. Thanks to them I realize these differences are so over hyped and there are some things which rise above all this and way more meaningful. I have formed some of the most precious friendships with people whom I have very little in common. But, being there for someone... sees no bar. From Goa connections,to an artist, to the chawl girl whose tenacity never ceases to amaze me. From absolute large heartedness, to total selflessness, to petty quarrels, to the only ray of hope in the long , cold New Jersey winters, from spouse cribbing sessions, to giggling over intimate details, from pot lucks and yoga sessions to girls night outs, from exchanging how to raise your child tips to discussing philosophy and spirituality, its been a joyous ride.
Wish I were more friendly with these friends/acquaintences :
These are girls I knew at school/college/work or some point of my life whom I admire for some or the other reason and wish I knew them better. The intelligent but rude and obnoxious Bong, from school (sorry thats how I remember her and I am sure she remembers me as worse )who has turned into this brilliant and sensitive writer. I read her posts and wish I could meet her over a cuppa coffee and talk about movies, books, politics anything and everything.
There are some fashionistas whose sense of style is jaw dropping and how I wish I could have them for a shopping guide considering that I hate shopping though I do love the goodies. Some seemingly live their lives with such abandon that I would love to take a leaf out of thier book.Some who drove me nuts yet were so intellectually and emotionally stimulating (yet another Bong from Grad school)
Some whom I remember as sweet gentle souls from a bygone era whom I would love to reconnect with...not just on social networking sites. I wonder about their well being and wish only the best for them. Some who I met fleetingly but who left a huge impression on me, and the desire to befriend them.
The bottomline being I am a woman through and through and though I could live without many things , I dont think I could survive and if yes, barely so without female bonding and companionship. To all the men who lent a patient ear and have been/are a part of my life,...... I owe you one, too.
So here's raising a toast to all the women in my life and to everlasting frinedships.Cheers!!!
Saturday, January 3, 2009
"Right to Defend Itself"
Peace To All is my prayer for the year 2009. And also that some sense prevails as we hurtle at breakneck speed to self destruction. I am gripped with increasing anxiety and despair at the way things stand today.
2009 which bodes not much as far as "prosperity" is concerned, considering the global recession, does not look too promising for peace and harmonious co existence of all, also.I find it bewildering that mind control, brain wash, call it whatever, works so well that we fail to ask ourselves basic common sense questions and eat hungrily whatever the respectable sounding news sites throw at us. Are we so brain dead watching the idiot box that we think its acceptable the way a civilain area is being bombed and the civilian population being denied food and medications. Reasons for such actions are immaterial. Liberty at what cost and on what gounds? Afghanistan, Iraq, Gaza....who needs protecting and from whom? How can a nation , a people a world live that liberty if its tainted by the blood of so many innocents... men women and children.
I had started this article planning to write only about Gaza but am now inclined to write about a couple of other things too. The economic recession puts into focus the ever increasing greed for money and power...a thirst which is limitless and oh so futile. Self esteem has been confused with ones pay package, designations, size and number of homes/property owned, cars, vacations etc. This has, on a sociological note, meant that the old and the really young (children) have been sorely shortchanged. The old have no one to care for them in the twilight of their lives and the children suddenly very soon after their births become the responsibility of people who are PAID to do the precious job of bringing up and moulding them into good, responsible, moral people. Is it a surprise that despite stringent laws and better implementation techniques we are a sorry society today.
Leaping to another headline grabbing news item , that of moral policing by Shiv/Ram/Hanuman Senas. The senas are by the dozen and they in the name of defending "Religion" only push more and more people towards Atheism and Agnosticism.
The moral brigade are farthest from the truth and dont know the basics of the religion they profess to protect. They cause people like me, the believers, shame and disgrace and I wish I could take them to court for even calling themselves "Hindu/Religious" when they do not accept or understand the basic tenets of my faith.
In the same vein though I also fail to understand, equating pub hopping , drinking oneself 'silly', smoking the poison of one's choice,multiple sexual partners as Liberty or Freedom. We are a world which in the name of nationalism detroys nations and its people. We are a gender which in the name of financial independence or greed for more, I dont know which holds true either one or both, leave our babies behind.We fool oursleves by saying we do it for our self esteem. Does self esteem come so cheap or at the expense of others? This particular brand of self esteem or sense of freedom and dignity has a short shelf life...only till the much coveted job, or the hefty bank balance or the present status or designation holds good. This balloon will surely burst and with a bang. A true sense of freedom, empowerment and dignity does not depend on transitory material things. It is so much more than this.
We are a society which is confused, directionless and unhappy most of the times despite these so called giant leaps to financial, social, and moral freedom and equality for all. The most powerful and one of the richest of nations has a majority of the population eating anti depressants as if they were daily vitamin pills.We have so many non profit agencies yet majority if not all never sucessfully treat the root of the problem addressed and only further increase dependencies in the target group. What does this really say about the contorted sense of freedom, equality, justice, and the various approaches working to achieve them all...
In the end we all go searching if not running for more ...that elusive more... which we do not get, even after we have visited all the pubs, smoked , drank as much there is to drink, eaten all the wonderful things we could, owned the most desirable and sought after property/cars, travelled around in style. Been there, done that , seen it all .... when does this truly satisfy anyone amd for how long.
Till we truly understand the bigger gameplan, the way things are and the true purpose of our lives and surrender to it completely we will remain the way we are....striving to defend our nations, our freedom, our sense of justice. Its time we looked deep and protected oursleves.
2009 which bodes not much as far as "prosperity" is concerned, considering the global recession, does not look too promising for peace and harmonious co existence of all, also.I find it bewildering that mind control, brain wash, call it whatever, works so well that we fail to ask ourselves basic common sense questions and eat hungrily whatever the respectable sounding news sites throw at us. Are we so brain dead watching the idiot box that we think its acceptable the way a civilain area is being bombed and the civilian population being denied food and medications. Reasons for such actions are immaterial. Liberty at what cost and on what gounds? Afghanistan, Iraq, Gaza....who needs protecting and from whom? How can a nation , a people a world live that liberty if its tainted by the blood of so many innocents... men women and children.
I had started this article planning to write only about Gaza but am now inclined to write about a couple of other things too. The economic recession puts into focus the ever increasing greed for money and power...a thirst which is limitless and oh so futile. Self esteem has been confused with ones pay package, designations, size and number of homes/property owned, cars, vacations etc. This has, on a sociological note, meant that the old and the really young (children) have been sorely shortchanged. The old have no one to care for them in the twilight of their lives and the children suddenly very soon after their births become the responsibility of people who are PAID to do the precious job of bringing up and moulding them into good, responsible, moral people. Is it a surprise that despite stringent laws and better implementation techniques we are a sorry society today.
Leaping to another headline grabbing news item , that of moral policing by Shiv/Ram/Hanuman Senas. The senas are by the dozen and they in the name of defending "Religion" only push more and more people towards Atheism and Agnosticism.
The moral brigade are farthest from the truth and dont know the basics of the religion they profess to protect. They cause people like me, the believers, shame and disgrace and I wish I could take them to court for even calling themselves "Hindu/Religious" when they do not accept or understand the basic tenets of my faith.
In the same vein though I also fail to understand, equating pub hopping , drinking oneself 'silly', smoking the poison of one's choice,multiple sexual partners as Liberty or Freedom. We are a world which in the name of nationalism detroys nations and its people. We are a gender which in the name of financial independence or greed for more, I dont know which holds true either one or both, leave our babies behind.We fool oursleves by saying we do it for our self esteem. Does self esteem come so cheap or at the expense of others? This particular brand of self esteem or sense of freedom and dignity has a short shelf life...only till the much coveted job, or the hefty bank balance or the present status or designation holds good. This balloon will surely burst and with a bang. A true sense of freedom, empowerment and dignity does not depend on transitory material things. It is so much more than this.
We are a society which is confused, directionless and unhappy most of the times despite these so called giant leaps to financial, social, and moral freedom and equality for all. The most powerful and one of the richest of nations has a majority of the population eating anti depressants as if they were daily vitamin pills.We have so many non profit agencies yet majority if not all never sucessfully treat the root of the problem addressed and only further increase dependencies in the target group. What does this really say about the contorted sense of freedom, equality, justice, and the various approaches working to achieve them all...
In the end we all go searching if not running for more ...that elusive more... which we do not get, even after we have visited all the pubs, smoked , drank as much there is to drink, eaten all the wonderful things we could, owned the most desirable and sought after property/cars, travelled around in style. Been there, done that , seen it all .... when does this truly satisfy anyone amd for how long.
Till we truly understand the bigger gameplan, the way things are and the true purpose of our lives and surrender to it completely we will remain the way we are....striving to defend our nations, our freedom, our sense of justice. Its time we looked deep and protected oursleves.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Some random but angry thoughts....
The media is as bad as the politicians....During the Kargil conflict, Indian Army sources repeatedly complained to Barkha Dutt and her channel that she was giving away locations in her broadcasts, thus causing Indian casualties.
Do they learn from their mistakes NO
...
1.Hemant Karakre dies tahnks to their footage of him entering the hotel
2. DNA India reports about a UK couple ask media to report carefully:
The terrorists were watching CNN and they came down from where they were in a lift after hearing about us on TV.
— Lynne Shaw in an interview.
3.In one instance BD asks a husband about his wife being stuck, or held as a hostage. The poor guy adds in the end about where she was last hiding. Aired! thank NDTV for not censoring this bit of information.
In another instance, a General sort of suggests that there were no hostages in Oberoi Trident. (Clever.) Then, our BD calls the head of Oberoi, and the idiot confirms a possibility of 100 or more people still in the building.
Where are the ethic here.....aren't the security of the victime and the defense personnel involved of primary importance ....should the media not have sense to withold key information....and please the lame excuse that after Karkare's death TV 's were put off in the hotel....did anyone hear of SMS's or what not............
In the Enough is Enough Panel Discussion "moderated" by Barkha Dutt the panelists are Luke Kenny Kunal Kohli, Simi Grewal??????????????????????????????????????????
what is this??????????????????????????some bollywood take off on the tragedy................who wants to hear what they have to say..............
Such gems we have collected:
1. RR Patil
2. Deshmukh
3. Kerala CM who is refusing to apologize to Major Unnikrishnan's family for his deragatory remarks
4. Bharatiya Janata Party leader Mukhtar Abbas Naqvi, on Monday, came up with a gem equating people protesting against politicians as terrorists.
5.Earlier Gujarat Chief Minister Narendra Modi had offered money to the widow of slain Anti-Terrorism Squad chief Kemant Karkare whom he had branded a villain just a few days ago
6. Amar Singh doing much the same in the case Delhi Police Inspector RC Sharma.
Do they learn from their mistakes NO
...
1.Hemant Karakre dies tahnks to their footage of him entering the hotel
2. DNA India reports about a UK couple ask media to report carefully:
The terrorists were watching CNN and they came down from where they were in a lift after hearing about us on TV.
— Lynne Shaw in an interview.
3.In one instance BD asks a husband about his wife being stuck, or held as a hostage. The poor guy adds in the end about where she was last hiding. Aired! thank NDTV for not censoring this bit of information.
In another instance, a General sort of suggests that there were no hostages in Oberoi Trident. (Clever.) Then, our BD calls the head of Oberoi, and the idiot confirms a possibility of 100 or more people still in the building.
Where are the ethic here.....aren't the security of the victime and the defense personnel involved of primary importance ....should the media not have sense to withold key information....and please the lame excuse that after Karkare's death TV 's were put off in the hotel....did anyone hear of SMS's or what not............
In the Enough is Enough Panel Discussion "moderated" by Barkha Dutt the panelists are Luke Kenny Kunal Kohli, Simi Grewal??????????????????????????????????????????
what is this??????????????????????????some bollywood take off on the tragedy................who wants to hear what they have to say..............
Such gems we have collected:
1. RR Patil
2. Deshmukh
3. Kerala CM who is refusing to apologize to Major Unnikrishnan's family for his deragatory remarks
4. Bharatiya Janata Party leader Mukhtar Abbas Naqvi, on Monday, came up with a gem equating people protesting against politicians as terrorists.
5.Earlier Gujarat Chief Minister Narendra Modi had offered money to the widow of slain Anti-Terrorism Squad chief Kemant Karkare whom he had branded a villain just a few days ago
6. Amar Singh doing much the same in the case Delhi Police Inspector RC Sharma.
Monday, December 1, 2008
The Indian Spirit and the Need for Action
Before I comment n the terror attack, I have to say I am shocked and grieving for the loss of human life. My prayers go out for all those who lost their lives in the Mumbai attack and may God give strength to their families and loved ones.
I will post my take on this incident but first I want to begin on a positive note and a promise to my country.
I read that Superstar Amitabh Bachchan has turned down an invitation of former US president Bill Clinton for a fund-raising event in Hong Kong, saying he is "not going to sing and dance" when the country and his city bleeds.
"I cancelled. I am not going to leave my country in this troubled hour to travel to a foreign land to lend cause to a foreign initiative, patronized and guided by a foreigner, for his benefit !! I need to see initiative here in my country," he wrote in his blog.
Cashing on this sentiment I think its high time India rose to this occassion ....asked the right questions, and is involved proactively. We blame the govt. the police etc etc etc...but do we blame ourselves for this mess?
We are equally to blame.
We elect these officials.
We choose not to vote.
When an honest officer is given transfer as a punishment we do not come together and protest.
We avoid security checks and look for ways to fool the system.
We do not demand and raise hue and cry for upgradation of the army, salaries for teachers.
Do not demand that Police be only accountable to the law and not the executive wing of Govt.
We fight about North Indians in Mumbai.
We ridicule the poorer states in India.
We squabble over language,religion, caste and regional superiority.
We celebrate malls being built on fertile agrarian lands and then lament our growing food dependency on other nations.
We do not learn from our mistakes.
But what we have going for us is:
We have a history and culture of tolerance, greatness and the ability to fight our own wars on our own terms.
We are resilient and strong and bounce back each and every time.
We will NOT say Chalta hai this time....We will stand united and strong.
We will start a revolution/kraanti of Vichaar/ thoughts, vyakti/individual and vitt/resources.
So let us do it for we CAN.
I will post my take on this incident but first I want to begin on a positive note and a promise to my country.
I read that Superstar Amitabh Bachchan has turned down an invitation of former US president Bill Clinton for a fund-raising event in Hong Kong, saying he is "not going to sing and dance" when the country and his city bleeds.
"I cancelled. I am not going to leave my country in this troubled hour to travel to a foreign land to lend cause to a foreign initiative, patronized and guided by a foreigner, for his benefit !! I need to see initiative here in my country," he wrote in his blog.
Cashing on this sentiment I think its high time India rose to this occassion ....asked the right questions, and is involved proactively. We blame the govt. the police etc etc etc...but do we blame ourselves for this mess?
We are equally to blame.
We elect these officials.
We choose not to vote.
When an honest officer is given transfer as a punishment we do not come together and protest.
We avoid security checks and look for ways to fool the system.
We do not demand and raise hue and cry for upgradation of the army, salaries for teachers.
Do not demand that Police be only accountable to the law and not the executive wing of Govt.
We fight about North Indians in Mumbai.
We ridicule the poorer states in India.
We squabble over language,religion, caste and regional superiority.
We celebrate malls being built on fertile agrarian lands and then lament our growing food dependency on other nations.
We do not learn from our mistakes.
But what we have going for us is:
We have a history and culture of tolerance, greatness and the ability to fight our own wars on our own terms.
We are resilient and strong and bounce back each and every time.
We will NOT say Chalta hai this time....We will stand united and strong.
We will start a revolution/kraanti of Vichaar/ thoughts, vyakti/individual and vitt/resources.
So let us do it for we CAN.
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