Epiphany

Moments of epiphany are and should be a part of life, lest we stagnate and not grow. I recently had some of those moments and what better time than the beginning of a new year !

I have been introspecting thanks to two friends. A, is someone I have always admired for seemingly, effortlessly managing both work and home.
And the other S, (whom I thought I had lost to work, home and life in general) is on a sabbatical and we have been catching up, much to my delight.

A has surprised me by her honest and fair analysis of the life of a working mom.
Her perspective : http://betweenworkandhome.blogspot.com/2011/01/ownership-of-your-own-time.html

S and her life experiences got me thinking. And I realized that though working and stay-at-home mums apparently lead very different lives there is a common thread which binds them.
Their choices to stay at home or work outside home maybe personal, circumstantial or otherwise but they possibly share the same sense of restlessness if they have not 'found' themselves.
If their choices are influenced and motivated by anything other than an understanding of oneself, the assumed happiness that accompanies their decisions and choices in life will be short-lived.

Take a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom) for example. If she has been motivated by a sense of self-righteousness and is forced by circumstances, then frustration will be her constant companion. . If the decision does not come from a certain understanding and reasoning, she will soon feel trapped. A lack of a strong sense of self will lead to doubts and a shaky self esteem. For obviously a society which associates success with a pay check and some fancy title will not let her rest easy.

She is in danger of:

• Suffering from feelings of inadequacy and inferiority
• The WM (working mother) arousing envy in her
• Feeling like a total failure if God forbid the WM happens to outdo her in housekeeping or child rearing...she is supposed to be flawless.. for what else does she do, being at home?
• Overly attaching herself to her role and falsely thinking that she is the most important thing in her children's life and will remain so.

The WM (working mom) on the other hand has the trappings of a successful, independent and confident woman. But the moral high ground of the SAHM might be unnerving for her. She maybe attached to her working status for all the wrong reasons. If the need to work is to apply all the "training" as I call it, and not education, she went through, it can be dissatisfying.
A wrongful association of self esteem and personal growth with her current employment status, can only lead to a let down later.

She is in danger of :

• Being the victim of the super-woman syndrome where she is supposed to juggle work and home perfectly
• The SAHM arousing guilt and doubt in her
• Suffering from supreme guilt and regret if God forbid her child falls sick or does not do too well in school...for what else if not her selfish desire for a career is to blame?
• Finding comfort and suffering from a false sense of importance in her job and title where she is dispensable and replaceable (like any of her male counterpart)

All of the above is such a waste of energy, a cause for anxiety and time spent worrying. It makes joy fleeting and elusive.

I have gone through some and all of what I have written. Only time and introduction to some fundamental questions gave me peace. I thank my new found spirituality and say whatever it takes to this tranquility and self confidence is welcome and necessary.

I have realized that much angst is due to us confusing our role in life vis a vis our purpose in life. Our role in life is something which is dependent on circumstances and and personal choices but our purpose should be above it all and much higher.

Roles change as time passes. Today my sensibilities stop me from leaving my children with strangers and hired help and take up a job, but tomorrow is another story. My role today is of a SAHM, tomorrow it may be that of a WM.

My role is extremely important in the life of my 6 yr. old but it will change in nature and intensity down the years. If I confuse my role with my purpose in life I will feel betrayed and bereft when in my 28yr. old son's life, his wife will become more important than me (the root cause of all the MIL and DIL drama). I cannot be substituted, but, will not hold an exactly similar position that I enjoy today.

If as a WM, am overly attached to my job and position, and do not see it as just a role I enjoy playing for the time being I will not be able to come to terms with my job loss for whatever reasons. I may also not be able to give up my job when it becomes necessary to do so for all the right reasons...family, children, caring for an old parent etc. etc.

It helps to come to terms with the fact that with each stage in life we have a role to play and perform the ensuing duties....daughter,student,wife,mother,career woman... The earlier this dawns on us , the better we play that role. With time the role shall change. Hence doing justice to the role will always be satisfying.

A regular job cannot be the purpose of one's life. I envision no personal growth or evolution in it. I also do not see how I can limit myself to the role of a wife and a mother and justify my potential.

And when I say potential, growth, evolution, my reference points are my philosophy in life which says we were born to do 'something'. We are born to live and to learn. We ought to have a purpose in life which transcends time.

So each to her own but a purpose and a sense of self to all.

A Sense of Ownership and Pride

I feel blessed being born a human and a woman on that. I am grateful for many other things I have been born into...parents, extended family, community, country and my faith. I honestly believe in the quote"Durlabham Bharat Janama". This in no way makes me think lesser of the other gender,race,faith and nationality. There is no sense of superiority, just a healthy sense of pride.

Because of my land of birth I was also born into a philosophy and a way of life. The Vedic Philosophy. I do not like to use the word 'Hindu' since it is grossly misunderstood and misinterpreted. It is not a Sanskrit word and is not found in any of our scriptures. It was a secular word denoting a certain Geographical region, its people and practices. Hence actually Hinduism could refer to all the religions being practiced beyond the River Sindhu.

Before I digress any further I will come back to the issue at hand of Vedic Philosophy and Yoga. Of a strange rising trend of disassociation of a faith/way of life and its tenets. An ever increasing practice of selectively choosing some parts of a philosophy and discounting the rest. Which is fine for some I guess, but, why stop short of giving due credit to the original source.

It makes me wonder if this confusion and ambiguity and a distancing from Faith and an ancient way of life is because we confuse it for a religion which is time and again raped and distorted by politicians and self proclaimed spiritual leaders for their personal gain.

My ever present angst on this issue was nudged further when I read this New York Times article...

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/11/28/nyregion/28yoga.html?_r=2&pagewanted=1&emc=eta1

It talks of a rising debate on the origin and ownership of yoga. Though debates on the ownership of anything which has tremendous power to benefit humanity seems petty, responses of some involved in this heated debate are interesting to say the least.

Deepak Chopra dismisses the campaign as "a jumble of faulty history and Hindu Nationalism". I am confused by this statement. Does it mean he is denying that Yoga is a part of the Vedic way of life which has scriptures and texts prescribing,how one should live,worship, eat, pray, marry, treat our ill/old/young, sing, dance and play music etc. And yes, it also at length talks of a form of 'exercise' to keep our minds and bodies healthy...through Yoga.

And what does he mean by "Hindu Nationalism"? I am Nationalistic not because I am a Hindu or a follower of Vedant, but because I feel a sense of pride in the land where I trace my roots and also because I owe to my land a certain upbringing and culture.

If I say I am an Indian and Yoga is something I grew up with will it be wrong? I saw my Dad doing yoga everyday. Most of my Uncles, Aunts and cousins do it in some form or other. I see my Father-in-law do pranayam. For any long term ailment which is recurring, Yoga is seen as the solution in our families.

The small Ved Mandir near my parents house has yoga classes at 5 in the morning everyday. It has been an intrinsic part of my life. I did not have to pay through my teeth to learn it at a fancy Yoga studio. Hence naturally I feel I know it, its part of my culture, and in a way belongs to me. Does this make me a rabid Hindu Nationalist? According to Deepak Chopra's analysis it would!

Deepak Chopra also labels Hinduism as 'tribal' and 'self-enclosed'. That invites another blog altogether. For now all I will say is that its like calling all Muslims terrorists!

I can bet my life on the fact that we would not be having this debate if Yoga had not become such a billion dollar industry today. From copyrighting Asanas to merchandising yoga mats to rudrakshas, its capitalism at it best. Not at all keeping true to the nature and philosophy of yoga.

It is hilarious how these fancy Yoga studios tout that their aim is to make Yoga accessible to one and all. The last time I checked the fees, it made it inaccessible to me at least.

The neighborhood Ved Mandir in my hometown does a better job by conducting free classes. All are welcome there, which does do justice to Yoga and its philosophy.

I am aware of the attempted biopiracy of Neem, Basmati, Turmeric, etc.

http://www.navdanya.org/campaigns/biopiracy

I am not sure what to call this debate and a clear attempt to hijack Yoga and give it a new history. Yogajacking?

The bossy behavior of the West irritates me no doubt, but even more annoying is the 'chalta hai' attitude of my own brethren who will wake up and take notice when half the race has been run. They value what belongs to them only when the Gora counterpart popularizes it! We should wake up and smell the roses. We have a lot to offer,to ourselves and to the world.

The Fourth Estate

The unfolding of the 2 G Spectrum scandal has me in its grip.Not that I never suspected things were pretty bad before, but this was the last straw. The unblemished Fourth Estate have sunk so low, you cannot even bend over and see them. The silence in the mainstream media after the Nira Radia tapes is deafening. It is indicative of a collusion of all the media players. Each being quiet because they have something to hide.

The tapes of course can be heard on Youtube.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dqnAYhNafOg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2RiFwXoVJLc&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XrJqgtKvAs&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rg0vYQBW0uI&feature=related

The likes of Ratan Tata, and Ambani being embroiled in this case, does not bother me so much because who are we fooling, if we think business is possible without murky, underhand shady dealings. But Sanghvi and Burkha Dutt swimming alongside in this sewer makes me angry. Especially since they seem to take the moral high ground and are clearly biased on so many issues. They are entitled to their opinions but unfair reporting and coverage make them unfit for their 'supposed 'professions.

Admittedly I was already hopping mad with (as someone referred to her as) 'Bark-huh' Dutt for her amazingly unethical and biased talk shows, where the choice of the panelists is suspect and anyone who does not align with her thought is silenced or purposely misinterpreted. I specifically refer to her panels on the Kashmir Issue. As a Jammuite who does not support Autonomy or Azadi, of my home state Jammu and Kashmir, her skewed panels personally affect me.But the phone leaks of her conversation with Radia are the icing on the cake. I am not sure whether I should be disheartened by the state of my Nation and all its premier institutions or pump my hand in the air and say "I told you so"!

Dutt has denied her power-brokering and probably thinks it is only her and her friends, the pseudo-intellectual mafia of the country who speak or understand English. Rest all of us are still grappling with the complexity and illogicality of the English alphabets and phonics, and hence cannot read the CBI and IT department Reports or comprehend the conversation in the tapes.
http://indiasreport.com/magazine/data/the-radia-papers-raja-tata-ambani-connection/

Guilty or not ..God knows! But has it and much more before this, colored my opinion as unfavorable for her and her channel.. a resounding Yes!

An interesting and possibly the only positive off -shoot of this whole drama has been the power of internet in breaking through circles of power and corruption and its attempts to silence. Internet has allowed the, shouting out loud, of differing opinions and most likely the truth. Blogosphere is on fire and citizen journalism at its best.
http://swathipradeepworld.wordpress.com/2010/11/18/barkha-dutt-exposed/#comment-491
NDTV and Barkha Dutt's arm twisting of a blogger Kunte and his subsequent (smartly worded) apology has only added fuel to the fire with FB pages sprouting, and condoning the obvious attempts at 'gagging'.
http://www.facebook.com/#!/group.php?gid=51657291081

I am not sure what the consequence of this whole sham will be. After all the ones in power are each more corrupt than the other or simply spineless. But hopefully it will have given a jolt to the mainstream media and taught them, that they cannot sit on things and cover up. Thank God for small mercies and technological advancements.
Also for many Barkha Dutt lost her credibility sometime back and now, for even fewer, the greedy mainstream media and especially news channels remain an authentic source of information.

All that I have said above are my views and MY views alone. I am not on the payroll of BJP or any other organization. If I was I would not be writing this blog. I would probably be out there, winning some National Award.
I am unable to authenticate all my feelings and opinions with hard core evidence. And even if I could I know I can be easily out-shouted, out-screeched and spun around in circles, by these very same journalists, till I would want to bite my own tongue for having ever wanted to speak.
I already admit defeat to the new brand of journalists whose purpose and true vocation are lost on me.

Moreover and most importantly, I do not have the money to fight it out in the courts. I am your typical honest, serviced middle-class, Indian, and a sinlge-earning family-by-choice-for-now-atleast (phew!am I gald I got that out there), who has the education, but not the requisite power or money to pariticipate in the long running daily soap opera'sque court cases.
The above should be read as it is ..a disclaimer and an attempt seeking protection from lawsuits.

At the end all I want to say (to be taken with a grain of salt by all my dear journalist friends, I swear I still love you) is that I always understood why the word Politician was a 'gaali'.
Never understood when words and even colors like Nationalistic, Hindu, Religious,Saffron, Green, and not to miss Bihari/Bhaiyaji came into the same category. (Though I have been told that the Bhaiya jis or the Biharis are waiting with baited breath for Nitish Kumar to come back into power and change things and futher restore their lost regional pride.)

What I finally foresee, is the distinct and increasing possibility of the coining of a new gaali :

"Abbe ja, journalist kahin ka!!!!!*&^%$#@!!!!!"

One World at a Time

What a coincidence that there I was feeling melancholy and blue when I chanced upon 'Motherhood' a chick-flick, rather a mom-flick starring Uma Thurman. The movie made me a little not-so-blue because I felt I was not alone. Then I read D's post http://me-letmebme.blogspot.com/2010/11/wanted-working-homemaker.html and confirmed what I always knew that the 'other' side ( the working women) have their moments too. In fact I feel for 'them' even more.

The same day my younger brother who is expecting a baby next March asks me (for once serious) " Di How hard is it to bring up a child?" I did not know where to begin. Should it start from the moment you conceive and feel as if your body has been taken over by aliens. I am sure my husband will agree for the raging hormones did make me seem posessed for a little while atleast. I was happy and glowing most of the times and sometimes resentful as I bloated and expanded horizontally while my husband maintained his waistline. And then I will not even go into the pains of normal childbirth lest my sis in law spends the rest of her pregnancy traumatized and hates me for it afterwards. I will skip the initial trials of everything to do with the baby and the recovery of a post pregnancy, first time or even second time breast feeding, bruised,battered and sore body.

Let us focus here on the joy of holding this 'mini version of me/hubby/either of the grandparents/a random relative/a combi of one two or all'.

The sense of accomplishment. A chance to experience magic at close quarters. It is an experience which cannot be substituted by any other. And you spend the rest of your days thinking what did I do before the baby?

Aftermath of that new Mommy glow prepare!!!! ..you will be swamped by a growing sense of inadequacy. The constant gnawing guilt that you could do better or are not doing enough. There will be moments of pride simply for being with your child, and doing what you know best but these will be few and far in between.

And then again as it is for me today you will be confused and will wonder if there is all that is to it?
Who was I and what have I become?
Am I not a working Mom because I work hard but at home.
Is it not a valued skill or role anymore?
If I did not study for this role and am at it for the last few years have I wasted all those degrees from fancy colleges?
Will I be able to work outside home ever again?
My children will grow up to need me less and less.
What and who do I tend, care for, be there for 24/7, chaperone, drive around, feed, bathe, clothe, hold, once they fly off the nest.

When people, fellow classmates, friends rattle of their present projects and designation should it suffice to say I am CEO of my household and presently eyeball deep in "Project Motherhood"
Is putting on pause all my dreams for myself and myself alone very unwise?
If I hit myself on the head (literally) for whining about "I want my Life back" for what is my Life if not this ...is that wrong?

I shall ignore the fact that I look like a thing the cat dragged in while waiting at the bus stop as the smartly dressed, high heeled clad, hair and nails perfectly done, woman, walks by.
I know she has her own troubles and I don't mean the killer heels.
I will hold that warm little hand, in my hand tighter, for I know it is only for a little while before it leaves me to reach higher.
Undoubtedly it is tough to make room for passion and focus on things I enjoy in the structured mundane seemingly petty activities of an all-over-the-place-Mum-only's day.
But I must keep trying.
I will remember on bad days what my children said to me"Papa only goes to office, but Mamma does everything :)

All I need to remember is that there is a time and place for everything and this is my place and my world for now.

Diwali Saga in our Household

Diyas lighted for the Puja

Kitchen : Weekly Message Board ..Diwali Special

The NYC Taxi an ode to 7 years spent in the NJ/NY area of USA

Our Dining Area...tiny..typical of a London flat. Golden Diya cut outs

pasted on the wall!

Diyas

Corner Table...Silver and Brass

A Tea Light Holder which goes with the Indian Decor of my

Living Area

An attempt at Rangoli...a variation on the imprint of Goddess

Laxmi's Feet

Puja Prep with Son's Diwali Craft as the backdrop

Art Work done at school by my son adorning the Fridge

Wish had paid more attention in the craft classes at school..

attempts to make the entrance festive :)

Another voice which echos my thoughts...

I am in awe of this man...Arnab Ray for saying it as it is and saying it so well. In times when it is fashionable to be secular, (whatever that means) and label everything evil as saffron terror/ Radical Hindu state, this comes as a breath of fresh air. It also is loaded with courage, for he who speaks like this stands alone today. But we the people of Jammu...or atleast I a person of Jammu cannot agree more with you :)

Before I give the link of the suggested and highly recommended post by Radical Thoughts of a Demented Minf aka Arnab Ray, some points to be kept in mind.The points have been duly typed and sent to me by my young cousin living in Jammu."Young Troubled and Gravely Conecerned Cousin" I quote you here...

"Both in population and area wise jammu region is many folds ahead but in figures but we get less seats both in state assembly and parliament..our representation has been restricted .. out of the total annual funds for j&k (9000cr ) jammu gets 750 cr and ladakh 250 cr, rest resides with kashmir.. there is nit in srinagar , 3 medical colleges and various educational institutes ,, but when jammu was sanctioned central university , there was resentment in kashmir and finally kapil sibal has to ammend law by offering one university to jammu & one to kashmir... the annual amarnath yatra has been restricted to 2 months and every food(langar) stall during yatra is charged 25000 each in the name of tax. home ministers said that kashmiris are unemployed that's why they adopt the path of violence but 45% kasmiris are govt. servants and rest are induldge in private and co-operative sector and only4% are bpl ( below poverty line) contradictory to Jammu.. Jammu is isolated when it comes to development and progress ... .. In this part of world " survival of the fittest" is the point to remember otherwise you would be ruined. we are paying the price of the blunders by our duo leaders nehru & gandhi ...... But still, peole of"city of Temples " are optimistic and hopeful that all this will end one day and they will live in a atmosphere of peace, prosperity and a real human development will be possible where all the three regions will get their due share and again it will become " the paradise on earth" in a real sense."

The Must read post by a Non JK State Subject:
http://greatbong.net/2010/09/16/more-on-azaadi-and-kashmir

My Voice...

WILL WE HAVE TO PICK UP THAT STONE TO BE HEARD?

The first time around when there was terror unfolding in the valley we, the Dogras watched in pain and mute horror. In the aftermath we opened our hearts and hearths to our shell shocked and exiled brothers, the Kashmiri Pandits.

The second time around we watched in growing frustration as we were portrayed as the rabid, fundamentalist, right wing Hindus as the peaceful Amarnath Yatra became a major issue in the state with national political parties also playing mischief and trying to get as much mileage as they could from it. Immediately after being misunderstood, misrepresented and being shouted down by over-zealous and biased TV Hosts in various programs, the youth and the old alike catapulted into action. A host of online groups were launched. An immediate need to address our identity crisis was deemed necessary. The demand for a separate state Duggar Pradesh became louder than a whisper. We did all this because we woke up to the fact that yes indeed we were the step-child.

The third time around the problem has magnified, made only glaring by the fact that we lack good orators, and courageous and visionary leaders. Our Hindi is not so great and our English, a language better understood by the majority of those who form opinions and take vocal stands, even worse. With an escalating sense of abandonment we have watched the coverage of the drama in the valley. We have waited that someone; anyone will ask us what we feel and what we want. We are amazed that mainland India, the political leaders and the media have blinders on. They refuse to see that the state of Jammu and Kashmir has different ethnic groups with different loyalties.

The Ruler of Jammu and Kashmir, a Dogra signs the Instrument of Accession, Nehru, a Kashmiri Pandit blunders afterwards and yet amongst all…the Dogras (Hindus and Muslims) , the Kashmiri Pandits, Ladakhis( Buddhists), Gujjars(Muslims), Bakerwals (Muslims), Sikhs. Paharis, Poonchis (Muslims and Hindus) it is only one group which asks for Azadi and Autonomy or accession to Pakistan!!! Has anyone questioned why? Has anyone demanded to hear from the other actors of this high strung drama?
We the Dogras have always been voiceless. The Kashmiri Pandits who did manage to get well deserved sympathy after the mass exodus are becoming victims of weak memories and are out-shouted by their brothers who continue to live in the Valley.

I am a generation who has grown up witnessing and hearing about gross injustices playing out in the state. Despite being a larger geographical area and with a greater population the Jammu Region has only 37 seats compared to the 47 from the valley. 70% of the government jobs go to the Kashmiris as opposed to all the other communities from the state. All the money flowing into the state goes to the valley. Kashmiri ad hoc government employees earn more than their Dogra counterparts. The Valley wants the Central University and IIM (Indian Institute of Management) to come up in Srinagar as opposed to Jammu or Ladakh. They created a hue and cry to oppose it coming up in Jammu!!
We have seen systematic ethnic cleansing in the valley. We have witnessed the Kashmiri Pandit exodus from the valley and the massacre of the Sikhs in Chattisinghpora. We are aware of the continued threat to the Hindus, Sikhs and any India supporter. I have heard of my people complaining that we are suffering the mistakes committed by Nehru. We have suffered terribly under the draconian Article 370. I know Ladakhis do not want to be administered by the Kashmiris from the valley. On one hand a Dogra girl will have no right to property in her home state if she marries a non-state subject, even if it is a Dogra from Himachal Pradesh or Punjab. And on the other hand grooms from POK and Pakistan are brought into the state under any pretext. Sometime back there was even a discussion in the Assembly that a non domicile daughter in law should lose her right to property in the state in the eventuality of the demise of her husband. Is this not a gross violation of basic human rights? The Kashmiris from the valley are buying lands and apartments all around me in Jammu but I cannot dare to do the same in the valley. Is this not an extension of subtle but sure ethnic cleansing?

On what grounds is it justified that just one of the many players gets to decide that they want to break away? After the systematic cleansing of the Kashmiri Pandit after torture, killing, rapes and worse how can one expect a fair plebiscite and a just demand for autonomy?

There have been demographic changes on the other side of Pir Panchal too. Hindus have been driven away in the Jammu division too, by home grown militants, foreign mercenaries and ISI operatives. Village Defense Committees have had to be set up and innocent villagers have been armed so that they can fight the so called “Freedom Fighters” who rapes his women and kills his kinsmen. A detailed study of the Operation Hill Kaka in the Mendhar Region highlights the fact that villagers, Muslim Gujjars helped the Army to flush out the terrorists hiding in the adjacent mountains. Their human rights were brutally violated and they snapped out of the mass and false propaganda to fight against the militants. My family member too, an innocent civilian Doctor posted in a mountain hamlet has been shot at and managed to escape with 3 bullet wounds to his body and 70 bullets to his car. Is this in any way in tandem with the insincere voice from the Valley which says we want the Pandits back?

There is no denying that stories of Sufi traditions and harmonious co-existence are a thing of the past. The present generation of Kashmiris in the valley, hate India, very clearly mirroring policies and even getting covert direction from Pakistan but the Dogras and Kashmiri Pandits reciprocate the sentiment keeping their fervor of Azadi from this tyranny and violence alive. I have heard Kashmiri Pandits who have been driven away from their homes say that they prefer to destroy/burn Kashmir rather than see it separate from India.
We have seen how money coming from the Centre has been lapped up in the Valley. We are put off by the double standards, practiced in the valley. There are the well- to- do Kashmris who are getting richer and louder day-by day. As opposed to the poor Kashmiri who is sitting on a rickshaw, going down some dusty lane in Central India selling carpets in attempt to make ends meet. His children cannot go to school because the more powerful Kashmiri tells him not to do so or the militant beats him if he dares oppose. Meanwhile the children of the well off Kashmiri get degrees in quick succession, out of the state and holds placards in front of UN agencies in far away lands.

We believe that the stone pelting, Indian flag burning, Kashmiri has many faces. Some who actually believe their cause? Some who are brainwashed and are victims of the herd mentality. And there are many who are being paid for it. It has indeed become an organized crime. We believe that these stones that are being thrown today have been collected over a period of time and there is a certain going rate for a day of stone throwing.

As a people of the state we are pained by the human rights violations occurring in the valley and beyond. But we see that the abuse is happening from the armed forces as well as the militants. We agree on the concept of gradual de-militarization. But we will never agree to Autonomy. We dare not compare notes on our sufferings but that does not stop us from being victims too. We are a people who not want to be invisible anymore. And unfortunately we are beginning to come to terms with the fact that we may be heard and seen only if we pick up that stone too.