Tuesday, November 16, 2010

One World at a Time

What a coincidence that there I was feeling melancholy and blue when I chanced upon 'Motherhood' a chick-flick, rather a mom-flick starring Uma Thurman. The movie made me a little not-so-blue because I felt I was not alone. Then I read D's post http://me-letmebme.blogspot.com/2010/11/wanted-working-homemaker.html and confirmed what I always knew that the 'other' side ( the working women) have their moments too. In fact I feel for 'them' even more.

The same day my younger brother who is expecting a baby next March asks me (for once serious) " Di How hard is it to bring up a child?" I did not know where to begin. Should it start from the moment you conceive and feel as if your body has been taken over by aliens. I am sure my husband will agree for the raging hormones did make me seem posessed for a little while atleast. I was happy and glowing most of the times and sometimes resentful as I bloated and expanded horizontally while my husband maintained his waistline. And then I will not even go into the pains of normal childbirth lest my sis in law spends the rest of her pregnancy traumatized and hates me for it afterwards. I will skip the initial trials of everything to do with the baby and the recovery of a post pregnancy, first time or even second time breast feeding, bruised,battered and sore body.

Let us focus here on the joy of holding this 'mini version of me/hubby/either of the grandparents/a random relative/a combi of one two or all'.
The sense of accomplishment. A chance to experience magic at close quarters. It is an experience which cannot be substituted by any other. And you spend the rest of your days thinking what did I do before the baby?

Aftermath of that new Mommy glow prepare!!!! ..you will be swamped by a growing sense of inadequacy. The constant gnawing guilt that you could do better or are not doing enough. There will be moments of pride simply for being with your child, and doing what you know best but these will be few and far in between.

And then again as it is for me today you will be confused and will wonder if there is all that is to it?
Who was I and what have I become?
Am I not a working Mom because I work hard but at home.
Is it not a valued skill or role anymore?
If I did not study for this role and am at it for the last few years have I wasted all those degrees from fancy colleges?
Will I be able to work outside home ever again?
My children will grow up to need me less and less.
What and who do I tend, care for, be there for 24/7, chaperone, drive around, feed, bathe, clothe, hold, once they fly off the nest.

When people, fellow classmates, friends rattle of their present projects and designation should it suffice to say I am CEO of my household and presently eyeball deep in "Project Motherhood"
Is putting on pause all my dreams for myself and myself alone very unwise?
If I hit myself on the head (literally) for whining about "I want my Life back" for what is my Life if not this ...is that wrong?

I shall ignore the fact that I look like a thing the cat dragged in while waiting at the bus stop as the smartly dressed, high heeled clad, hair and nails perfectly done, woman, walks by.
I know she has her own troubles and I don't mean the killer heels.
I will hold that warm little hand, in my hand tighter, for I know it is only for a little while before it leaves me to reach higher.
Undoubtedly it is tough to make room for passion and focus on things I enjoy in the structured mundane seemingly petty activities of an all-over-the-place-Mum-only's day.
But I must keep trying.
I will remember on bad days what my children said to me"Papa only goes to office, but Mamma does everything :)

All I need to remember is that there is a time and place for everything and this is my place and my world for now.


Kislay said...

The degree will from those fancy colleges will be put to good use, while educating your children. It is said that most of a child's actual learning is done at home, and when there is an educated Mother to inspire, teach, engage and debate with her children, what else can top it off ?

"Give me a good Mother, and I will give you a great citizen "

Chrysalis said...

@Kislay u r the ultimate supportive man...the degrees from fancy college waise do not necessarily 'educate' :) But I did learn other things and they do not go away I guess.

You know I have found my peace and know no one could be better at what I am doing...but undeniable are those moments of feeling overwhelmed :)

Kislay said...

Thank you :) No one can do it better than you indeed . Whenever your children have a question , they will turn to a Mother, who is wise, educated, intelligent and cultured .

Anonymous said...

I think each of us need to make the decision to go out to work or not, based on our circumstances, and based on what works for us as a family.

What works for one, will not work for another. I donot have any regrets at being a stay at home mother. Yes, I may not be bringing in the money - but in a lot of ways, my being at home makes life much easier. At the moment I have no idea, whether I will or not go back to work, but I do think that the decision would be based on the situation then(whenever that happens)...

Chrysalis said...

@wordsndreamz: Yes agreed.. the right or wrong (if we can call it that) will have to be a personal decision keeping in mind the circumstances.

D said...

I always think I need to enjoy this phase, because once it's gone, there'll be no turning back.

selena said...


I think you hit it spot on when you said, "I'll hold that tiny hand a bit tighter...". Reading your posts, am sure you are doing a great job with your children. Hang in there! There are many of us sailing together even if we seem invisible to each other :)

Anonymous said...

So glad I read this post!!!! Definitely , moms do 'everything' :) and these growing years are never going to return, so if one can afford to stay at home, then yes, it is the BEST investment in the child's future ever :-)

this line: Who was I and what have I become?, shook me. It is just so true!

Amrita said...

Wow!!!! hmmm very well written, and yea, we women are unforgiving on ourselves no matter what the setup. Let it go gurl, your kid's word is the clincher!! Mommy does everything!!

Ritu said...

i hope my kid grows up to say the same for me someday "Mommy does everything"! Mothering my child is a top-most priority as of now and for some more years to come...i won't be deterred by circumstances...I strongly feel that a child needs a mother more than a woman/person needs her aspirations.. Personal choices are one's own decision. And afterall its never too late to start something new in life..