Friday, October 30, 2009

But You are a Mommy !!!

This is for all those self glorified/magnified/inflicted moments spent in doubt, dilemma, and misery. The moments wasted wallowing in self-pity. Moments used for making others lives around me painful too. Those moments throughout the years at various stages in life wondering....who am I, what is my purpose in life right now, what am I supposed to do or rather what is the right thing for me to do, what role do I play right now. Moments feeling unfulfilled and dis-satisfied.

And not so surprisingly the varied roles I have identified for myself have been determined by how its going to be seen and rated by the society around me. Most of the times my gut feeling and my true inner voice is muffled, strangled into silence, by all the noise outside.

I increasingly have been thinking that life would have been simpler was I born in times when the 4 ashrams were the order of the day. No room for confusion whatsoever. Each one has their Dharma/duty to fulfill according to their age. Brahmacharya ...a student's focus would only be in inculcating good values and learning, not worrying if their course will result in an accepted, well paying career. As a Grihasth, the family being the primary focus removes all debates about whether we should live in separate cities so that the pursuit of material and monetary success which we have fooled ourselves into thinking is much more than that....self esteem, independence, a sense of usefulness etc etc.
It also removes the self justified 'practical' reasons for which we choose a certain way of life at the cost of our people and parents.
Vaanprastha and the clearly defined roles would result in peace at home. In laws and parents would realize that undue interference is not what they should be indulging in at this stage of life, Instead the quest for true knowledge which anyways should have been a continuous effort in life, should pick up speed now. It is the time when reins should be handed over to the generation next.
Sanyaas prepares us for the inevitable...death. Gradually loosening the ties which bind us and cause us grief at the thought of leaving this particular human form.

Since I am not born into such times, I am your typical person, beset with confusion and self inflicted pain over what is my role and purpose in times. It gets only better as I know and hear more of our brilliant texts. But it is slow though a steady process.
In the meantime my innocent 3 year old who is sans these issues in life is a big help. Only recently I was telling my 5 year old how mommy wanted to become a Doctor once upon a time. My 3 year old, upon hearing this immediately said "You cannot be a Doctor". My suspicious mind thought there was some gender stereotyping going on here and I explained to her that "Girls can be doctors, I could be a Doctor". Adamantly and emphatically she declared "NO!, But you are a Mommy".

Thanks my little one for reminding me of my primary role as of now and its supreme importance. For her I am a Mommy, and the rest is inconsequential.


PS said...

Wow !! an intelligent 3 year old you have !!!

BK Chowla said...

Do not take them lightly,3 yrs or 5 yrs,they have a great sense of expression.

J P Joshi said...

She's got it right... It sure is a full time job; being the most important, and also the most demanding job in the world.. and the most satisfying too, I believe.

Yes, the four ashrams make a lot of sense... even in this day and age, if one looks at the bigger picture. Enjoyed reading your post.

Renu said...

Even I wonder why dont we have those earlier divisions oflife will make our life so uncomplicated.

Imprints said...

It is said motherhood is one of the most self-actualizing events in a woman's life. It brings amazing wisdom in a leap. Provided you let it seep and touch you. Now I've no experience, just quoting some text ;). But quite sure its true.

Thinking about connecting to our inner selves is so archaic in today's world. " officially " ( pun intended) everyone is in the mad rat race. Having a dilemma about your inner cravings is a juncture of wisdom thats making a way into you. Savour the conflict.

And congratulations to A, she got you in the present and saved you from negativity. You see , we give what we have . Your 3 year old had only some positive energy to give to you, when you needed it :).

Anonymous said...


Chrysalis said...

Imprints: Welcome here and thanks for the wise words. Positive energy and focus is what I really need.