My Catharsis...

Some Stereotypes and a Love Story

2011-07-04T18:03:00.006-04:00

Thanks to Chetan Bhagat, Astha Singh, and The Husband (not necessarily in that order) I am writing this piece. Chetan Bhagat is not known to me personally.Though I am a tad bit tired of NDTV trying to get his opinion on everything under the sun, just because he wrote some popular fiction. Admittedly I enjoyed his book :Two States, which I read this week. The enjoyment purely because, I have been there and done that. Astha Singh, my LSR college senior, because she has been putting up lovely shayari(poetry) on her Facebook status updates, evoking beautiful memories.And The Husband because without him the story would never be :)

Stereotyping is something which at times we are victims of and sometimes something which we are equally guilty of. My love story is abound with plenty of stereotyping and efforts of rising above them unscathed. Some of those incidents may seem hilarious today but were far from funny then.

Before I continue a disclaimer: I have been blessed with a great Sasuraal(Husband's immediate and extended family). The journey has been more or less smooth and I have been loved. Main Geeta par haath rakh kar kehtee hoon ki am not saying this, because someone from the In laws side may read this.

I come from a conservative Dogra Brahmin Family (as north Indian as it gets). And my husband is a Bihari Rajput (eastern India). A Bihari!!! at a time when Bihar and Biharis had unfairly become the National joke thanks to Lalu Prasad Yadav. The amnesia that Bihar has produced Chanakya, Chandragupt Maurya, Gautam Buddha,Babu Kunwar Singh, Lal Bahadur Shastri to name a few is surprising to say the least.

When I first told my mother I wanted to marry and marry a Bihari at that, my understanding and progressive mother who had already met him, was happy. This sentiment only lasted for thirty minutes before it was replaced by an increasing sense of anxiety and panic. For God's sake a Bihari!!! How was a honest Dogra Brahmins family supposed to produce the kind of gold, cash, 'gifts' a Bihari Rajput family would expect. I told her in self-righteous anger and with LSR and TISS honed sensibilities that the mere mention of the word dowry and all hell would break loose on the boy's family. With lots of trepidation my mother went ahead with the task of informing my first love ..my Dad!.

Daddy dearest like all the daddies, thought the guy was, a degree or two less than what I deserved. After all I was the star of the khandaan. I was a Delhi University Topper, done what no other Dogra girl (P.S. known to them) had done before...had gone to one of the Nations best college and Institute. All this at a time when my parents had to justify to the rest of the family why I could not do a 'simple' BA if that was all I wanted to do in some college in Jammu under the eye of any of my three loving but scary looking, bearded Mama's (maternal Uncles) and the loving but overly protective extended family.

I was allowed to study in Delhi with some conditions. The family also gave in because I was the 'good girl' ...I could do no wrong. And after three wonderful years of Undergrad years, I did them proud by getting into TISS, Mumbai. And that is where the brilliant track record ends. I betrayed every body's trust by falling for a Bihari in the City of Dreams!

My Dad gave in grudgingly when I said there was no marrying this Bihari, if I did not have his blessings. My dad melted and spent the rest of the following months gathering courage to break the news to the extended family, that his lovely daughter had not only, not, fallen for one of the studs from the Dogra community, but even his last name was wrong! At that stage my father would have married me to anyone from the country as long as he was a Brahmin.

The extended family (barring a few) was displeased about two facts. One, that I had dared to choose my own life partner and two that he was not from the same community or caste. Someone even asked, if all the Brahmin boys were dead. This was more dramatically put, than it actually reads. Yes those Bollywood movies are inspired by real life and vice versa.

Not strangely enough I experienced some gender stereotyping too at both ends. If there were some in the Husband's circle who thought that I had ensnared their son, there are some in my family who have as recently as this year (after some bad blood between families) said that I had trapped this really eligible and bhola boy knowing very well that he is a 'great catch'!

Thanks to some spelling mistake by the School authorities and thanks to a weird way that my Bihari family chose to spell, my husband goes with the last name Sinha instead of the more obvious Rajputi...Singh. Though it is one of the biggest sore points for my husband, it proved to be a great help to us. My ancestral village back in Jammu and Kashmir, still thinks, Sinhas are upper caste Brahmins from Bihar. They remain ignorant about the fact that my children go with the last name Singh...the mistake finally corrected with this generation. Ignorance has proven bliss here.

While this was happening in my family, I can imagine the fear clawing at my husband's family. I was this strange North Indian girl who had 'phansaoed' (trapped) their innocent (if they only knew) boy. The whispers doing the round were that the boy was under the spell of a Punjabi/Kashmiri girl. Some sympathized over the loss. After all the boy was fair, and highly educated, especially for a Rajput boy. Rajput boys usually choosing to look after their ancestral "zameen jaydaad"(property) and living off it. Moreover the boy was Phoren (foreign) returned...just back from a year long stint in England. The possible dowry was also estimated by some.I have to clarify that my in laws could not care less for the dowry and were more worried if I would fit in.

Horoscopes were matched upon the parents insistence and we breathed easy as it was confirmed that the stars do not frown upon inter-caste, inter-regional marriages. The planetary positions are still thankfully above (no pun intended) discrimination based upon color, caste, creed, and national/regional/linguistic affiliations.

My family with their North Indian arrogance thought my husband would be dark(as if that's a crime) ugly and uncouth. Surprise! Surprise!the husband if not fairer is the same color as I am. And is definitely not ugly, even if I may say so. The family in Bihar on their part were thinking I would be some loud mouthed North Indian Idiot (read Punjabi, by their own admission), who would not wear sarees or touch every body's feet as a mark of respect,when required).

The wedding went smoothly because as decided, since the marriage was happening in my house, the rituals were to be conducted our way. My family had successfully engaged with all the Bihari Rajputs that rained down on us that day in December. There was conversation and it was fun to hear the Dogra accented Hindi intermingling with the heavy sing-song Bihari accent. Each side thinking the other funny. We did our best with the Bihari rituals of Tilak, chaandi ki machhli, dwaar puja etc.
Our Dogra Pandit silenced the Bihari Pandit who seemed unsure of the sanskrit shlokas and wisely chose to slurp on his tea while our Pandit completed the wedding rituals. This was seen as a major victory by my side.
Along with no dowry my family had also respectfully declined to provide Non vegetarian food for the Baraatis. I understand all the young guns in my husband's family were disappointed at the prospect of 'ghaas-phoos'(vegetarian) for dinner.

Thanks to caste dynamics I had also been warned by a concerned friend and a member of the 'enemy' caste that Rajputs are known for their parochial attitudes towards women. It seems atleast according to this person that Rajputs have "Nachaniya Bajaniyas" ( dancing girls), especially engaged as part of the wedding celebrations. I had severe anxiety attacks,and visions of the husband,drunk, with strings of flowers around his wrist, and dancing around a Nachaniya-bajaniya all the whilst firing shots in the air, in the midst of the wedding party. Shudder!

I flew to my husband's hometown and cried on the way from the airport to my new home out of fear and frustration. Fear because I was genuinely scared of the Biharis waiting for me and what they would make of me, a non-Bihari. And frustration because my husband had failed to provide me with a rough sketch of the rituals that were to take place. I went in clueless and almost toppled over while hopping from one basket to another with my husband holding me from behind. These baskets lined my way from the car to the mandap where I sat down for some more Puja. The basket hopping is a quaint and charming Bihari ritual. There was an understandably added interest during the munh-dikhai. At that point the close family members walked around tense, waiting for me to make some mistake. And the casual onlookers hoping to spot the horns?
I am not sure what they expected of a North Indian Daughter-in-law...did they truly think I would be high-fiving and back slapping my Husband's Great Aunts and Uncles, cracking loud jokes, and breaking into a Daler Mehendi song. All this as I almost suffocated under the heavy wedding Lehenga and jewellery.

The third day, post-wedding as I prepared to go out to greet some guests, my Mother-in-law worriedly reminded me to touch their feet in respect and unnecessarily added that if I do not do so (as if I would dare/choose not to) they would think I was a Punjabi with no 'culture'. This brought on a fresh batch of tears, less because of the stereotype, but, more because my Mother-in-law still had my ethnicity wrong!!!

I am a Dogra for all that it is worth and very proud of my roots.I love my fellow Punjabis and Kashmiris but I was beginning to have a serious identity crisis by then. I was also beginning to wonder if the Punjabis had it worse than the the Biharis in terms of stereotyping.

The languages spoken in my husband's house are what I call the 'Bihari kind of Hindi', Bhojpuri and Maghi. The in laws benevolently spoke to me in 'their' hindi which seemed very foreign when on the sixth or seventh day my MIL asked me to get a 'chhipli' from the kitchen. I stood in the kitchen desperately wanting to make a good impression and frantically thinking of all the possibilities of what a 'chhipli' could be. In the end I did end up taking the wrong thing to her. It turned out to be a small bowl and what I took instead, better remain a secret. But I am wiser now and have another language skill in my kitty.

My husband too suffered likewise. He was at the receiving end of all jokes when he went to Jammu. He showed-off his Dogri speaking skills and repeated the only line I had taught him " Main eda mundu aan" pointing towards me. What he really was saying was that "I am my wife's servant", much to everybody's amusement and my utter delight.

Food was another story. As I braved the bland and super healthy food in his house (not particular to all Bihari homes), he stoically ate tons of paneer, rajma and nandadu (lotus roots) drowning in oil. I spent the first week throwing the too sweet Awla ka murabba out of the window, into the kitchen garden.He on the other hand had nightmares of being chased by Rajma and giant gulaab jamuns.

If I was amazed by the bright red nailpaint every married Bihari woman lovingly wore on her toe nails, irrespective of age they claimed to be blinded by what they called the garish colours and heavy embroidery, women from my community adorned.

Even after a year of marriage my MIL dreaded to introduce me as a Non-Bihari girl and would tell people I was from Ranchi which was technically correct since I grew up there. But the deliberate attempt to skip over my Dogra identity was insulting.

The stereotypes are not even restricted to our respective home states. In Mumbai everybody from UP and Bihar (I dont think they know the difference there..oops stereotyping) is a 'Bhaiya' ...a term more deragatory than complimentary. Once I told a girl, a Mumbaikar and a total stranger, who was in the midst of giving me a facial massage that I am married to a Bihari, and she shrieked "You married a Bhaiya!!! I was too shocked to give her a coherent and rational response and just managed to stutter " Nahin Mera wala Bhaiya achha hai!!!"

My husband has it easy at times, since the expectations are set so low for a Bihari that he always comes out with flying colors, impressing the skeptics with his knowledge, courtesy,and friendly and polite ways. For the still doubtful, my advise is to check the IIT and UPSC list of successful candidates. Education and hard work is not something the Biharis lack, most definitely.

I have it tougher, for being from Kashmir means, I am expected to be a stunning beauty with nothing less than our National favorite "milky white complexion"! Sigh. Thankfully it ends here and very rarely do I have to bring to life the image of a me in a shikara with flowers and a santoor, humming a melancholy mountain tune. Yes it has happened where I have been asked if I get off at the Jammu Railway Station and take a Shikara to my parents residence!!! And no that is not even an option!.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shikara

I am not sure which is easier for a Jammu and Kashmir state subject... being suspected to be Anti-National and terrorist or expected to be a raging beauty!!

With all the misgivings and amidst all the one upmanship games, the husband and I have largely remained unaffected barring when we fight and I blame the entire state of Bihar for what I percieve as his stubbornness and my resulting misery. Yes we can be petty too...the pretty mountain girls.To his credit he rarely brings in my regional status into a fight. But our accents can be amusing for him much to my chagrin.

What it means for my children is yet to be seen as they are already under pressure to do well academically because of a stereotype that children of mixed marriages have a higher IQ. They also have the added and misguided responsibility to justify their caste DNA. Well read, academically and spiritually inclined like Brahmins and brave and heroic,to justify their lineage to the warrior caste of Rajputs.

But it has been a decade of a marriage between two families,states,languages,litti-chokha and rajma-ambal, Madhubani and Basohli paintings, holi and lohri, sarees and suthan-kurtas and more. It has definitely made us less judgemental and increasingly tolerant of differences and more loving of all people.

Another Lesson Learnt

2011-02-11T13:12:00.007-05:00

There will always be inequality. Some will be rich and some poor. Some blessed more than the others. I know all this not just because I read the news and am aware of economic and social conditions, but also because professionally I have a degree in Social Work which enabled me to work in situations which were far from perfect and with people who obviously are less lucky than most.

But the perspective on what life is gets a different hue when I go to my children's school everyday.
I have children going to a school which is part of the public school system in England. To put it in the Indian context I have children studying in the English version of "Municipality School". The education is standardized so they are in no danger of losing out in terms of quality. They could possibly be getting more if they went to a Private School but I do not think I can or want to spend that kind of money for 2-3 yrs. of my stay here. The Grammar Schools are comparable to the Private Schools, and substantially cheaper are for 11+ yrs old children. Children going to Public Schools is perfectly acceptable and the norm for even my 'class'.

I moved to England 8 months back and it is clearly a country much less richer than my previous country of residence the US of A. Thanks to over-subscription of London schools my children got admission in a school which is not in our catchment area (catchment area schools being the closest to the residence). By the English and the American standards my kids actually travel quite a distance to go to school...at least 35-40 mins. by public bus and 15 mins. by car. The school also happens to be in a Council Estate. Council Estate is public or social housing.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Council_house

In all honesty I was a little anxious to begin with regarding the fact that the school would have a lot of children from the Council Flats....children of single mothers, political asylum seekers, dysfunctional families etc. As they say it here children from the 'working class'.
And as someone who has worked with 'different' social groups...far removed from what is defined as "normal" by our society, I surprised myself thinking like this.

Oh! I have never judged the people I have worked with...women in prostitution, their children, juvenile delinquents etc. We as a family also have never treated the driver and the maid (back in India) and their children differentially. We have been kind and non-discriminatory.
Though now I ask myself have I been proud of a behavior which merits no special mention because that is how it should be. Economic disparity will always exist but someone from a different class merits the same treatment as anyone else and it should be a natural behavior.

I got a lesson or two and continue to learn as I now get a chance to deal with different 'classes' on a truly equal level. And I am wiser for the experience. It is changing me. Judge for yourself as I give you 2 scenarios:

Case 1: Children going to a school where most families are like us (finance/IT) : I would be having the same conversations with the same group of moms I meet socially. Planning and working out birthday parties, play dates, extra-curricular classes, trips to the Museums/theatre, pot lucks, parties etc. Trying to outdo each other with respect to the child's academic skills. After all we are Indian Moms and it is in our blood to want to excel and slave at everything. We would be cribbing about the same domestic help issues and life in general...husband, children, in-laws, career-home balance,weather. Dicussing parenting skills and trying to seek approval or appreciation for our 'methods'.
Having said this I must add that I see these as perfectly harmless conversations and I am a party to such discussions myself.

Lessons learnt: None

Change: Not much. I would still be 'aware' of all the social issues. Still hope to do something about something one fine day...sometime in the future. Life would go on as it is....self-contained and self-absorbed.

My children would be just what they are... privileged children unaware of the life outside their artistically done up rooms.

Case 2: Children going to their present school where the profile of the students is varied and so different from ours :
I see my children coming back to a loving mother, hot food, a safe home and I see my son's friend going back to a home with violence, less food and much less love. I see my child high-five a kid who has been to the woman's shelter thrice already in his young life because his father almost beat his mother to death. I see my son play with a boy who goes back home with a mother who smokes like a chimney and has seemed stoned on many afternoons she has come to pick her child up. While my children play happily in their rooms I know now of children who are restricted to some corner in a cramped 1 room tenement with a family of six.
I know of a child who has run up to my friend and said he wished she were his Mommy because she always gets snacks for her son to eat on the bus ride back home.

I have seen mothers forced to leave children home alone because they must work to put food on the plate vis a vis mothers who have the luxury of leaving their child in fancy day cares and with hired help because they cannot stay at home or want to spend whenever and on whatever they want or genuinely believe that their self-identity is linked with their jobs.

Lesson Learnt: Plenty and with a huge dose of heartache.
Wants me to stop complaining about everything I have ever complained about.. for they seem so trivial.
I have felt like kicking my own *** for the spoilt brat I have been at times complaining about the 35mins. bus ride to school and back and about my supposed "stressful" life!!

I am more aware each day of how blessed I am for being able to be with my children..nurture and nourish them. I am also conscious of how lucky my children are for all that they have.

Everyday the fact that I am so lucky is like a slap across my face...I say a slap because it makes me ashamed of all my petty issues and a slap because it demands that I think and act differently!

Change: I am filled with an increasing restlessness to give back what I have received. I count my blessings everyday. I want to protect each and every child. I know that may not be possible but can I not act upon all the existing possiblities, as an actor in this drama called life. The deep sense of Gratitude I feel overwhelms me at times.

My children could not have been luckier to get this experience.
They are gradually and will become more aware of the existing differences and become more sensitive and responsible.
They are less demanding and I tell them that giving is much more fun.
They will hopefully soon see that they it owe it to themselves and not to anyone else to do the best that they can...after all they already have a head start in life.

As a parent I wish to see my children healthy and happy. The last thing I want, is for them to grow up with a sense of entitlement.

I would be so proud to see them as individuals who give back.
I would hold my head higher if they passed on all the good things they have received.
I will know I have achieved some measure of success as a mother, if they don't simply talk of change but "do" and "become" that change.
Most of all I want them and me to be grateful and then do something about it.

Epiphany

2011-01-13T16:25:00.011-05:00

Moments of epiphany are and should be a part of life, lest we stagnate and not grow. I recently had some of those moments and what better time than the beginning of a new year !

I have been introspecting thanks to two friends. A, is someone I have always admired for seemingly, effortlessly managing both work and home.
And the other S, (whom I thought I had lost to work, home and life in general) is on a sabbatical and we have been catching up, much to my delight.

A has surprised me by her honest and fair analysis of the life of a working mom.
Her perspective : http://betweenworkandhome.blogspot.com/2011/01/ownership-of-your-own-time.html

S and her life experiences got me thinking. And I realized that though working and stay-at-home mums apparently lead very different lives there is a common thread which binds them.
Their choices to stay at home or work outside home maybe personal, circumstantial or otherwise but they possibly share the same sense of restlessness if they have not 'found' themselves.
If their choices are influenced and motivated by anything other than an understanding of oneself, the assumed happiness that accompanies their decisions and choices in life will be short-lived.

Take a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom) for example. If she has been motivated by a sense of self-righteousness and is forced by circumstances, then frustration will be her constant companion. . If the decision does not come from a certain understanding and reasoning, she will soon feel trapped. A lack of a strong sense of self will lead to doubts and a shaky self esteem. For obviously a society which associates success with a pay check and some fancy title will not let her rest easy.

She is in danger of:

Suffering from feelings of inadequacy and inferiority
The WM (working mother) arousing envy in her
Feeling like a total failure if God forbid the WM happens to outdo her in housekeeping or child rearing...she is supposed to be flawless.. for what else does she do, being at home?
Overly attaching herself to her role and falsely thinking that she is the most important thing in her children's life and will remain so.

The WM (working mom) on the other hand has the trappings of a successful, independent and confident woman. But the moral high ground of the SAHM might be unnerving for her. She maybe attached to her working status for all the wrong reasons. If the need to work is to apply all the "training" as I call it, and not education, she went through, it can be dissatisfying.
A wrongful association of self esteem and personal growth with her current employment status, can only lead to a let down later.

She is in danger of :

Being the victim of the super-woman syndrome where she is supposed to juggle work and home perfectly
The SAHM arousing guilt and doubt in her
Suffering from supreme guilt and regret if God forbid her child falls sick or does not do too well in school...for what else if not her selfish desire for a career is to blame?
Finding comfort and suffering from a false sense of importance in her job and title where she is dispensable and replaceable (like any of her male counterpart)

All of the above is such a waste of energy, a cause for anxiety and time spent worrying. It makes joy fleeting and elusive.

I have gone through some and all of what I have written. Only time and introduction to some fundamental questions gave me peace. I thank my new found spirituality and say whatever it takes to this tranquility and self confidence is welcome and necessary.

I have realized that much angst is due to us confusing our role in life vis a vis our purpose in life. Our role in life is something which is dependent on circumstances and and personal choices but our purpose should be above it all and much higher.

Roles change as time passes. Today my sensibilities stop me from leaving my children with strangers and hired help and take up a job, but tomorrow is another story. My role today is of a SAHM, tomorrow it may be that of a WM.

My role is extremely important in the life of my 6 yr. old but it will change in nature and intensity down the years. If I confuse my role with my purpose in life I will feel betrayed and bereft when in my 28yr. old son's life, his wife will become more important than me (the root cause of all the MIL and DIL drama). I cannot be substituted, but, will not hold an exactly similar position that I enjoy today.

If as a WM, am overly attached to my job and position, and do not see it as just a role I enjoy playing for the time being I will not be able to come to terms with my job loss for whatever reasons. I may also not be able to give up my job when it becomes necessary to do so for all the right reasons...family, children, caring for an old parent etc. etc.

It helps to come to terms with the fact that with each stage in life we have a role to play and perform the ensuing duties....daughter,student,wife,mother,career woman... The earlier this dawns on us , the better we play that role. With time the role shall change. Hence doing justice to the role will always be satisfying.

A regular job cannot be the purpose of one's life. I envision no personal growth or evolution in it. I also do not see how I can limit myself to the role of a wife and a mother and justify my potential.

And when I say potential, growth, evolution, my reference points are my philosophy in life which says we were born to do 'something'. We are born to live and to learn. We ought to have a purpose in life which transcends time.

So each to her own but a purpose and a sense of self to all.

A Sense of Ownership and Pride

2010-12-07T15:57:00.008-05:00

I feel blessed being born a human and a woman on that. I am grateful for many other things I have been born into...parents, extended family, community, country and my faith. I honestly believe in the quote"Durlabham Bharat Janama". This in no way makes me think lesser of the other gender,race,faith and nationality. There is no sense of superiority, just a healthy sense of pride.

Because of my land of birth I was also born into a philosophy and a way of life. The Vedic Philosophy. I do not like to use the word 'Hindu' since it is grossly misunderstood and misinterpreted. It is not a Sanskrit word and is not found in any of our scriptures. It was a secular word denoting a certain Geographical region, its people and practices. Hence actually Hinduism could refer to all the religions being practiced beyond the River Sindhu.

Before I digress any further I will come back to the issue at hand of Vedic Philosophy and Yoga. Of a strange rising trend of disassociation of a faith/way of life and its tenets. An ever increasing practice of selectively choosing some parts of a philosophy and discounting the rest. Which is fine for some I guess, but, why stop short of giving due credit to the original source.

It makes me wonder if this confusion and ambiguity and a distancing from Faith and an ancient way of life is because we confuse it for a religion which is time and again raped and distorted by politicians and self proclaimed spiritual leaders for their personal gain.

My ever present angst on this issue was nudged further when I read this New York Times article...

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/11/28/nyregion/28yoga.html?_r=2&pagewanted=1&emc=eta1

It talks of a rising debate on the origin and ownership of yoga. Though debates on the ownership of anything which has tremendous power to benefit humanity seems petty, responses of some involved in this heated debate are interesting to say the least.

Deepak Chopra dismisses the campaign as "a jumble of faulty history and Hindu Nationalism". I am confused by this statement. Does it mean he is denying that Yoga is a part of the Vedic way of life which has scriptures and texts prescribing,how one should live,worship, eat, pray, marry, treat our ill/old/young, sing, dance and play music etc. And yes, it also at length talks of a form of 'exercise' to keep our minds and bodies healthy...through Yoga.

And what does he mean by "Hindu Nationalism"? I am Nationalistic not because I am a Hindu or a follower of Vedant, but because I feel a sense of pride in the land where I trace my roots and also because I owe to my land a certain upbringing and culture.

If I say I am an Indian and Yoga is something I grew up with will it be wrong? I saw my Dad doing yoga everyday. Most of my Uncles, Aunts and cousins do it in some form or other. I see my Father-in-law do pranayam. For any long term ailment which is recurring, Yoga is seen as the solution in our families.

The small Ved Mandir near my parents house has yoga classes at 5 in the morning everyday. It has been an intrinsic part of my life. I did not have to pay through my teeth to learn it at a fancy Yoga studio. Hence naturally I feel I know it, its part of my culture, and in a way belongs to me. Does this make me a rabid Hindu Nationalist? According to Deepak Chopra's analysis it would!

Deepak Chopra also labels Hinduism as 'tribal' and 'self-enclosed'. That invites another blog altogether. For now all I will say is that its like calling all Muslims terrorists!

I can bet my life on the fact that we would not be having this debate if Yoga had not become such a billion dollar industry today. From copyrighting Asanas to merchandising yoga mats to rudrakshas, its capitalism at it best. Not at all keeping true to the nature and philosophy of yoga.

It is hilarious how these fancy Yoga studios tout that their aim is to make Yoga accessible to one and all. The last time I checked the fees, it made it inaccessible to me at least.

The neighborhood Ved Mandir in my hometown does a better job by conducting free classes. All are welcome there, which does do justice to Yoga and its philosophy.

I am aware of the attempted biopiracy of Neem, Basmati, Turmeric, etc.

http://www.navdanya.org/campaigns/biopiracy

I am not sure what to call this debate and a clear attempt to hijack Yoga and give it a new history. Yogajacking?

The bossy behavior of the West irritates me no doubt, but even more annoying is the 'chalta hai' attitude of my own brethren who will wake up and take notice when half the race has been run. They value what belongs to them only when the Gora counterpart popularizes it! We should wake up and smell the roses. We have a lot to offer,to ourselves and to the world.

The Fourth Estate

2010-11-21T18:10:00.010-05:00

The unfolding of the 2 G Spectrum scandal has me in its grip.Not that I never suspected things were pretty bad before, but this was the last straw. The unblemished Fourth Estate have sunk so low, you cannot even bend over and see them. The silence in the mainstream media after the Nira Radia tapes is deafening. It is indicative of a collusion of all the media players. Each being quiet because they have something to hide.

The tapes of course can be heard on Youtube.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dqnAYhNafOg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2RiFwXoVJLc&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XrJqgtKvAs&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rg0vYQBW0uI&feature=related

The likes of Ratan Tata, and Ambani being embroiled in this case, does not bother me so much because who are we fooling, if we think business is possible without murky, underhand shady dealings. But Sanghvi and Burkha Dutt swimming alongside in this sewer makes me angry. Especially since they seem to take the moral high ground and are clearly biased on so many issues. They are entitled to their opinions but unfair reporting and coverage make them unfit for their 'supposed 'professions.

Admittedly I was already hopping mad with (as someone referred to her as) 'Bark-huh' Dutt for her amazingly unethical and biased talk shows, where the choice of the panelists is suspect and anyone who does not align with her thought is silenced or purposely misinterpreted. I specifically refer to her panels on the Kashmir Issue. As a Jammuite who does not support Autonomy or Azadi, of my home state Jammu and Kashmir, her skewed panels personally affect me.But the phone leaks of her conversation with Radia are the icing on the cake. I am not sure whether I should be disheartened by the state of my Nation and all its premier institutions or pump my hand in the air and say "I told you so"!

Dutt has denied her power-brokering and probably thinks it is only her and her friends, the pseudo-intellectual mafia of the country who speak or understand English. Rest all of us are still grappling with the complexity and illogicality of the English alphabets and phonics, and hence cannot read the CBI and IT department Reports or comprehend the conversation in the tapes.
http://indiasreport.com/magazine/data/the-radia-papers-raja-tata-ambani-connection/

Guilty or not ..God knows! But has it and much more before this, colored my opinion as unfavorable for her and her channel.. a resounding Yes!

An interesting and possibly the only positive off -shoot of this whole drama has been the power of internet in breaking through circles of power and corruption and its attempts to silence. Internet has allowed the, shouting out loud, of differing opinions and most likely the truth. Blogosphere is on fire and citizen journalism at its best.
http://swathipradeepworld.wordpress.com/2010/11/18/barkha-dutt-exposed/#comment-491
NDTV and Barkha Dutt's arm twisting of a blogger Kunte and his subsequent (smartly worded) apology has only added fuel to the fire with FB pages sprouting, and condoning the obvious attempts at 'gagging'.
http://www.facebook.com/#!/group.php?gid=51657291081

I am not sure what the consequence of this whole sham will be. After all the ones in power are each more corrupt than the other or simply spineless. But hopefully it will have given a jolt to the mainstream media and taught them, that they cannot sit on things and cover up. Thank God for small mercies and technological advancements.
Also for many Barkha Dutt lost her credibility sometime back and now, for even fewer, the greedy mainstream media and especially news channels remain an authentic source of information.

All that I have said above are my views and MY views alone. I am not on the payroll of BJP or any other organization. If I was I would not be writing this blog. I would probably be out there, winning some National Award.
I am unable to authenticate all my feelings and opinions with hard core evidence. And even if I could I know I can be easily out-shouted, out-screeched and spun around in circles, by these very same journalists, till I would want to bite my own tongue for having ever wanted to speak.
I already admit defeat to the new brand of journalists whose purpose and true vocation are lost on me.

Moreover and most importantly, I do not have the money to fight it out in the courts. I am your typical honest, serviced middle-class, Indian, and a sinlge-earning family-by-choice-for-now-atleast (phew!am I gald I got that out there), who has the education, but not the requisite power or money to pariticipate in the long running daily soap opera'sque court cases.
The above should be read as it is ..a disclaimer and an attempt seeking protection from lawsuits.

At the end all I want to say (to be taken with a grain of salt by all my dear journalist friends, I swear I still love you) is that I always understood why the word Politician was a 'gaali'.
Never understood when words and even colors like Nationalistic, Hindu, Religious,Saffron, Green, and not to miss Bihari/Bhaiyaji came into the same category. (Though I have been told that the Bhaiya jis or the Biharis are waiting with baited breath for Nitish Kumar to come back into power and change things and futher restore their lost regional pride.)

What I finally foresee, is the distinct and increasing possibility of the coining of a new gaali :

"Abbe ja, journalist kahin ka!!!!!*&^%$#@!!!!!"

One World at a Time

2010-11-16T17:31:00.005-05:00

What a coincidence that there I was feeling melancholy and blue when I chanced upon 'Motherhood' a chick-flick, rather a mom-flick starring Uma Thurman. The movie made me a little not-so-blue because I felt I was not alone. Then I read D's post http://me-letmebme.blogspot.com/2010/11/wanted-working-homemaker.html and confirmed what I always knew that the 'other' side ( the working women) have their moments too. In fact I feel for 'them' even more.

The same day my younger brother who is expecting a baby next March asks me (for once serious) " Di How hard is it to bring up a child?" I did not know where to begin. Should it start from the moment you conceive and feel as if your body has been taken over by aliens. I am sure my husband will agree for the raging hormones did make me seem posessed for a little while atleast. I was happy and glowing most of the times and sometimes resentful as I bloated and expanded horizontally while my husband maintained his waistline. And then I will not even go into the pains of normal childbirth lest my sis in law spends the rest of her pregnancy traumatized and hates me for it afterwards. I will skip the initial trials of everything to do with the baby and the recovery of a post pregnancy, first time or even second time breast feeding, bruised,battered and sore body.

Let us focus here on the joy of holding this 'mini version of me/hubby/either of the grandparents/a random relative/a combi of one two or all'.

The sense of accomplishment. A chance to experience magic at close quarters. It is an experience which cannot be substituted by any other. And you spend the rest of your days thinking what did I do before the baby?

Aftermath of that new Mommy glow prepare!!!! ..you will be swamped by a growing sense of inadequacy. The constant gnawing guilt that you could do better or are not doing enough. There will be moments of pride simply for being with your child, and doing what you know best but these will be few and far in between.

And then again as it is for me today you will be confused and will wonder if there is all that is to it?
Who was I and what have I become?
Am I not a working Mom because I work hard but at home.
Is it not a valued skill or role anymore?
If I did not study for this role and am at it for the last few years have I wasted all those degrees from fancy colleges?
Will I be able to work outside home ever again?
My children will grow up to need me less and less.
What and who do I tend, care for, be there for 24/7, chaperone, drive around, feed, bathe, clothe, hold, once they fly off the nest.

When people, fellow classmates, friends rattle of their present projects and designation should it suffice to say I am CEO of my household and presently eyeball deep in "Project Motherhood"
Is putting on pause all my dreams for myself and myself alone very unwise?
If I hit myself on the head (literally) for whining about "I want my Life back" for what is my Life if not this ...is that wrong?

I shall ignore the fact that I look like a thing the cat dragged in while waiting at the bus stop as the smartly dressed, high heeled clad, hair and nails perfectly done, woman, walks by.
I know she has her own troubles and I don't mean the killer heels.
I will hold that warm little hand, in my hand tighter, for I know it is only for a little while before it leaves me to reach higher.
Undoubtedly it is tough to make room for passion and focus on things I enjoy in the structured mundane seemingly petty activities of an all-over-the-place-Mum-only's day.
But I must keep trying.
I will remember on bad days what my children said to me"Papa only goes to office, but Mamma does everything :)

All I need to remember is that there is a time and place for everything and this is my place and my world for now.

Diwali Saga in our Household

2010-11-10T05:25:00.005-05:00

Diyas lighted for the Puja

Kitchen : Weekly Message Board ..Diwali Special

The NYC Taxi an ode to 7 years spent in the NJ/NY area of USA

Our Dining Area...tiny..typical of a London flat. Golden Diya cut outs

pasted on the wall!

Diyas

Corner Table...Silver and Brass

A Tea Light Holder which goes with the Indian Decor of my

Living Area

An attempt at Rangoli...a variation on the imprint of Goddess

Laxmi's Feet

Puja Prep with Son's Diwali Craft as the backdrop

Art Work done at school by my son adorning the Fridge

Wish had paid more attention in the craft classes at school..

attempts to make the entrance festive :)

Another voice which echos my thoughts...

2010-09-17T19:36:00.009-04:00

I am in awe of this man...Arnab Ray for saying it as it is and saying it so well. In times when it is fashionable to be secular, (whatever that means) and label everything evil as saffron terror/ Radical Hindu state, this comes as a breath of fresh air. It also is loaded with courage, for he who speaks like this stands alone today. But we the people of Jammu...or atleast I a person of Jammu cannot agree more with you :)

Before I give the link of the suggested and highly recommended post by Radical Thoughts of a Demented Minf aka Arnab Ray, some points to be kept in mind.The points have been duly typed and sent to me by my young cousin living in Jammu."Young Troubled and Gravely Conecerned Cousin" I quote you here...

"Both in population and area wise jammu region is many folds ahead but in figures but we get less seats both in state assembly and parliament..our representation has been restricted .. out of the total annual funds for j&k (9000cr ) jammu gets 750 cr and ladakh 250 cr, rest resides with kashmir.. there is nit in srinagar , 3 medical colleges and various educational institutes ,, but when jammu was sanctioned central university , there was resentment in kashmir and finally kapil sibal has to ammend law by offering one university to jammu & one to kashmir... the annual amarnath yatra has been restricted to 2 months and every food(langar) stall during yatra is charged 25000 each in the name of tax. home ministers said that kashmiris are unemployed that's why they adopt the path of violence but 45% kasmiris are govt. servants and rest are induldge in private and co-operative sector and only4% are bpl ( below poverty line) contradictory to Jammu.. Jammu is isolated when it comes to development and progress ... .. In this part of world " survival of the fittest" is the point to remember otherwise you would be ruined. we are paying the price of the blunders by our duo leaders nehru & gandhi ...... But still, peole of"city of Temples " are optimistic and hopeful that all this will end one day and they will live in a atmosphere of peace, prosperity and a real human development will be possible where all the three regions will get their due share and again it will become " the paradise on earth" in a real sense."

The Must read post by a Non JK State Subject:
http://greatbong.net/2010/09/16/more-on-azaadi-and-kashmir

My Voice...

2010-09-14T12:02:00.000-04:00

WILL WE HAVE TO PICK UP THAT STONE TO BE HEARD?

The first time around when there was terror unfolding in the valley we, the Dogras watched in pain and mute horror. In the aftermath we opened our hearts and hearths to our shell shocked and exiled brothers, the Kashmiri Pandits.

The second time around we watched in growing frustration as we were portrayed as the rabid, fundamentalist, right wing Hindus as the peaceful Amarnath Yatra became a major issue in the state with national political parties also playing mischief and trying to get as much mileage as they could from it. Immediately after being misunderstood, misrepresented and being shouted down by over-zealous and biased TV Hosts in various programs, the youth and the old alike catapulted into action. A host of online groups were launched. An immediate need to address our identity crisis was deemed necessary. The demand for a separate state Duggar Pradesh became louder than a whisper. We did all this because we woke up to the fact that yes indeed we were the step-child.

The third time around the problem has magnified, made only glaring by the fact that we lack good orators, and courageous and visionary leaders. Our Hindi is not so great and our English, a language better understood by the majority of those who form opinions and take vocal stands, even worse. With an escalating sense of abandonment we have watched the coverage of the drama in the valley. We have waited that someone; anyone will ask us what we feel and what we want. We are amazed that mainland India, the political leaders and the media have blinders on. They refuse to see that the state of Jammu and Kashmir has different ethnic groups with different loyalties.

The Ruler of Jammu and Kashmir, a Dogra signs the Instrument of Accession, Nehru, a Kashmiri Pandit blunders afterwards and yet amongst all…the Dogras (Hindus and Muslims) , the Kashmiri Pandits, Ladakhis( Buddhists), Gujjars(Muslims), Bakerwals (Muslims), Sikhs. Paharis, Poonchis (Muslims and Hindus) it is only one group which asks for Azadi and Autonomy or accession to Pakistan!!! Has anyone questioned why? Has anyone demanded to hear from the other actors of this high strung drama?
We the Dogras have always been voiceless. The Kashmiri Pandits who did manage to get well deserved sympathy after the mass exodus are becoming victims of weak memories and are out-shouted by their brothers who continue to live in the Valley.

I am a generation who has grown up witnessing and hearing about gross injustices playing out in the state. Despite being a larger geographical area and with a greater population the Jammu Region has only 37 seats compared to the 47 from the valley. 70% of the government jobs go to the Kashmiris as opposed to all the other communities from the state. All the money flowing into the state goes to the valley. Kashmiri ad hoc government employees earn more than their Dogra counterparts. The Valley wants the Central University and IIM (Indian Institute of Management) to come up in Srinagar as opposed to Jammu or Ladakh. They created a hue and cry to oppose it coming up in Jammu!!
We have seen systematic ethnic cleansing in the valley. We have witnessed the Kashmiri Pandit exodus from the valley and the massacre of the Sikhs in Chattisinghpora. We are aware of the continued threat to the Hindus, Sikhs and any India supporter. I have heard of my people complaining that we are suffering the mistakes committed by Nehru. We have suffered terribly under the draconian Article 370. I know Ladakhis do not want to be administered by the Kashmiris from the valley. On one hand a Dogra girl will have no right to property in her home state if she marries a non-state subject, even if it is a Dogra from Himachal Pradesh or Punjab. And on the other hand grooms from POK and Pakistan are brought into the state under any pretext. Sometime back there was even a discussion in the Assembly that a non domicile daughter in law should lose her right to property in the state in the eventuality of the demise of her husband. Is this not a gross violation of basic human rights? The Kashmiris from the valley are buying lands and apartments all around me in Jammu but I cannot dare to do the same in the valley. Is this not an extension of subtle but sure ethnic cleansing?

On what grounds is it justified that just one of the many players gets to decide that they want to break away? After the systematic cleansing of the Kashmiri Pandit after torture, killing, rapes and worse how can one expect a fair plebiscite and a just demand for autonomy?

There have been demographic changes on the other side of Pir Panchal too. Hindus have been driven away in the Jammu division too, by home grown militants, foreign mercenaries and ISI operatives. Village Defense Committees have had to be set up and innocent villagers have been armed so that they can fight the so called “Freedom Fighters” who rapes his women and kills his kinsmen. A detailed study of the Operation Hill Kaka in the Mendhar Region highlights the fact that villagers, Muslim Gujjars helped the Army to flush out the terrorists hiding in the adjacent mountains. Their human rights were brutally violated and they snapped out of the mass and false propaganda to fight against the militants. My family member too, an innocent civilian Doctor posted in a mountain hamlet has been shot at and managed to escape with 3 bullet wounds to his body and 70 bullets to his car. Is this in any way in tandem with the insincere voice from the Valley which says we want the Pandits back?

There is no denying that stories of Sufi traditions and harmonious co-existence are a thing of the past. The present generation of Kashmiris in the valley, hate India, very clearly mirroring policies and even getting covert direction from Pakistan but the Dogras and Kashmiri Pandits reciprocate the sentiment keeping their fervor of Azadi from this tyranny and violence alive. I have heard Kashmiri Pandits who have been driven away from their homes say that they prefer to destroy/burn Kashmir rather than see it separate from India.
We have seen how money coming from the Centre has been lapped up in the Valley. We are put off by the double standards, practiced in the valley. There are the well- to- do Kashmris who are getting richer and louder day-by day. As opposed to the poor Kashmiri who is sitting on a rickshaw, going down some dusty lane in Central India selling carpets in attempt to make ends meet. His children cannot go to school because the more powerful Kashmiri tells him not to do so or the militant beats him if he dares oppose. Meanwhile the children of the well off Kashmiri get degrees in quick succession, out of the state and holds placards in front of UN agencies in far away lands.

We believe that the stone pelting, Indian flag burning, Kashmiri has many faces. Some who actually believe their cause? Some who are brainwashed and are victims of the herd mentality. And there are many who are being paid for it. It has indeed become an organized crime. We believe that these stones that are being thrown today have been collected over a period of time and there is a certain going rate for a day of stone throwing.

As a people of the state we are pained by the human rights violations occurring in the valley and beyond. But we see that the abuse is happening from the armed forces as well as the militants. We agree on the concept of gradual de-militarization. But we will never agree to Autonomy. We dare not compare notes on our sufferings but that does not stop us from being victims too. We are a people who not want to be invisible anymore. And unfortunately we are beginning to come to terms with the fact that we may be heard and seen only if we pick up that stone too.

Practicing Vedaant

2010-09-02T05:39:00.002-04:00

This is an older post with a new title. This one is especially for you Chachu. It does not cover Vedaant in its absolute entirety obviously, but touches upon a few ways it touches my way of life.....

I am the New Minority. I am young and I am deeply religious. I am not God fearing but God loving.
I am a little weary of the ongoing litany, that non religious is the harbinger of peace and religious means trouble. I agree with the seperation of the religion and the state but fail to see the reasoning behind distancing the individual from faith. I need to make a case for myself and people like me.

I was born religious, then I became indifferent and then rediscovered my faith and became religious again. Religious and secular are not two opposing forces. Though this holds good for those alone who understand and practice the tenets of their faith in all honesty.
I am not in a position to write about this journey or my faith in absolute terms because I am still learning. I will touch on some things which change color and content for me as I slowly discover.

My Approach: "Sarvasya Chaham Hridhi Sanni Vishto" Bhagvad Geeta, which translated means: All are equal since He resides in all of us.
I believe in One creator. Hence everyone irrespective of color, race,religion,caste or creed is a creation of that One Supreme Being.Will I hate/kill another human being because they belong to another faith.? Never, because I believe in Divine Brotherhood under the Fatherhood of God. And it is my religion which teaches me that God is within me as well as in others.

My Temple: My Temple is certainly not one for which I stand in line for hours and could, maybe cut that wait short by bribing the priest or making a handsome donation, where they have a separate line for people based on the amount being donated, where one jostles amongst unruly crowds and is afraid of one's modesty and wallet, where the Idol is adorned with gold and diamonds and Rolex watches when there is a line of starved beggar children outside.
My temple or 'Amrutalayam' is Vedic in its concept and character. It is made of local materials and by local resources and is a socio economic center too.A place where all are equal in the eyes of God. It is simple and peaceful enabling a conversation with God and fellow human beings. Its a place where one could study the Geeta/Bible/Koran. Its a temple where the 'Brahman' teaches and simplifies the scriptures for me and not just chants Sanskrit shlokhas which make no sense to me.
It is a place where people donate because they believe the wealth they give is Gods share and that wealth, then is given to those who need it as Prasad, most likely in the dark of the night,anonymously.The concept of this impersonal wealth leaves no room for any feelings of superiority/inferiority between the giver and receiver.

My Caste: 'Brahman/Kshatriya/Vaishya/Shudra'...Caste was not an adjective but an adverb. I am not a Brahman because my father is...I am not born into a caste category , I become one due to my 'work'. I am a Brahman if I selflessly teach, I am a Kshatriya because I am responsible for the socio-political running of the city/state, I am a Vaishya because I am an entrepreneur, and I am a Shudra if I am a service provider...a engg./doctor etc.
When the scriptures talk about the glory of a Brahman, it is not the Brahman they talk of but "Brahmanatva"...a quality...a teacher who selflessly teaches the scriptures, an educationist who moulds the future generations, imparts life skills and not livelihood skills alone. And all this and more is done as a non commercial activity. Hence the Vedic society protected and cared for its Brahmans. Gurudakshina was not a compulsion yet something everybody did. A child would not be refused admission to a particular Gurukul because of a paucity of funds. State interference in the education system was unthinkable. The brahmin was free and independent and hence the best teacher. The society provided for him because he did not ask anything in exchange of what he gave. Our education system is a failure because it is a commercial enterprise, because state interference is the norm of the day. Because as a society we fail to take care of our teachers and as people we confuse education with livelihood training.
All varnas/castes are interdependent and there exists no hierarchy.

My Feminism: The Royal Guru Vashishtha saying that Sita is the most able to rule Ayodhya, in the absence of Ram, is my idea of feminism. Sita choosing to follow her husband into the forest is love. I did the same I left my work, my life to follow my husband across the globe. Does that make me a weak woman? Is my worth measured only by the amount of money I bring in at the end of the month? I do nothing, if I do not have a pay slip/fancy designation to show for it? Do I need to abuse my body by drinking ,smoking, showing my cleavage to prove that I am emancipated? Must I leave my 6 month old baby with hired help/day care to prove that I got an excellent education.Those are choices and definitely not a show of my freedom.
"Stree Shakti/woman power has been recognized and worshipped in my faith. I am an 'Ardhangini' or an equal half in the partnership of marriage.The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world is amply visible in the stories of so many great women...Aditi, Anusuya,Jija Bai etc.
Vedic theology conceives God as bipolar, having both male and female aspects.Vedic religion treats man and woman as equal.
P.S do not waste time reading the countless and completely wrong translations (sanskrit is a language in which 1 sentence could be understood in 3 different ways) and interpretations (there have been both conscious and un conscious efforts to malign vedic philosophy and literature). I can only suggest,get a Teacher who is well versed in Sanskrit and is a Vedic Scholar.

My Environmentalism: The Tenth Adhyaya of Geeta talks about the presence of God in the mountains, rivers, trees, land, air, water. If we only understood this without just casually brushing it off as nature worship/pagan religion, we would not be wracking our brains to reverse global warming and climate change. We need to look at the deeper thought than getting put off by the idea of watering a Tulsi and doing circles around a tree or worshipping a cow. Doing it mindlessly of course, also serves no purpose.
My religion teaches me to take nothing for granted and certainly not abuse what is a precious gift.

My Self Worth: Ishavasya Upanishad warns of becoming a victim to "vishay". Subjective happiness versus objective happiness.I am not incomplete because I do not have a fancy job title. I am not incomplete because I do not earn a jaw dropping salary. I am not incomplete if I do not own a fancy apartment or car. I do not become less if I am not vacationing in Europe. Should I wallow in self pity or spend thousands for plastic surgery if I do not meet the ever changing societal standards of beauty. List is endless and from the society's perspective I cannot please all and never will...and since the society at large is misdirected, should I care?
I am complete and I strive for subjective happiness ( easier said than done, but I am practicing...and God, is it tough or what Phew!!!).

My Fasts: The many fasts where people eat more than on reguar days are senseless. My fast is a way to detoxify and to not waste time on cooking. That time is to be used for doing God's work which of course does not mean bhajan keertan and prayer beads. It could mean amongst other things going out and meeting someone for no reason at all. Connecting with another human being, where no 'len'den'/ transaction is involved.To develop a relationship with another human being and to do something for them selflessly. Try it out... I was surprised by what doing for others,did for me.

There are many more things...........but I am still learning and loving every step of it. I am religious and deeply so and I am not sorry for it. Do I seem like a threat? And yes years and years of contortion and corruption will not stop me from researching and re-learning. I have a brain and I can distinguish between ritualism and religion. Thank God for an excellent teacher. For how do I learn my religion if not from a teacher, a true Brahman. My parents could not teach me all. I saw rituals and no religion around me...everywhere. Thats was and still is very unattractive.
My religion teaches me reverence for everyone and everything. This reverential attitude towards the world is a direct and natural result of acceptance of God who resides in one and all. Some fools who do not understand and practice my faith in its true essence, cannot stop me from doing so.

True Bhakti for me is a powerful positive social force which inspires me to pray everyday for universal peace and happiness.

"Sarvetra Sukhinah Santo Sarve Santo Niramaya
Sarve Bhadrane Pashyantu Ma Kvashchit Dukhmapunyaat"

Meaning :
"Everybody here should be happy. All should be free of pain and problems. All should see only good. No human being should suffer."

WILL WE HAVE TO PICK UP THAT STONE TO BE HEARD

2010-08-26T06:23:00.005-04:00

An excerpt of an article I am working on which is refelective of the growing frustartion of my people the Dogras and other ethnicities like Kashmiri Pandits, Ladakhis, Sikhs living in Jammu and Kashmir. In a clear absence of a forum where we can be heard I am writing this. We are not invisible and we will not be voiceless........

The Ruler of Jammu and Kashmir, a Dogra signs the Instrument of Accession, Nehru, a Kashmiri Pandit blunders afterwards and yet amongst all…the Dogras (Hindus and Muslims) , the Kashmiri Pandits, Ladakhis( Buddhists), Gujjars(Muslims), Bakerwals (Muslims), Sikhs. Paharis, Poonchis (Muslims and Hindus) it is only one group which asks for Azadi and Autonomy or accession to Pakistan!!! Has anyone questioned why? Has anyone demanded to hear from the other actors of this high strung drama?
We the Dogras have always been voiceless. The Kashmiri Pandits who did manage to get well deserved sympathy after the mass exodus are becoming victims of weak memories and are out-shouted by their brothers who continue to live in the Valley.

I am a generation who has grown up witnessing and hearing about gross injustices playing out in the state. Despite being a larger geographical area and with a greater population the Jammu Region has only 37 seats compared to the 47 from the valley. 70% of the government jobs go to the Kashmiris as opposed to all the other communities from the state. All the money flowing into the state goes to the valley. Kashmiri ad hoc government employees earn more than their Dogra counterparts. The Valley wants the Central University and IIM (Indian Institute of Management) to come up in Srinagar as opposed to Jammu or Ladakh. They created a hue and cry to oppose it coming up in Jammu!!
We have seen systematic ethnic cleansing in the valley. We have witnessed the Kashmiri Pandit exodus from the valley and the massacre of the Sikhs in Chattisinghpora. We are aware of the continued threat to the Hindus, Sikhs and any India supporter. I have heard of my people complaining that we are suffering the mistakes committed by Nehru. We have suffered terribly under the draconian Article 370. I know Ladakhis do not want to be administered by the Kashmiris from the valley. On one hand a Dogra girl will have no right to property in her home state if she marries a non-state subject, even if it is a Dogra from Himachal Pradesh or Punjab. And on the other hand grooms from POK and Pakistan are brought into the state under any pretext. Sometime back there was even a discussion in the Assembly that a non domicile daughter in law should lose her right to property in the state in the eventuality of the demise of her husband. Is this not a gross violation of basic human rights? The Kashmiris from the valley are buying lands and apartments all around me in Jammu but I cannot dare to do the same in the valley. Is this not an extension of subtle but sure ethnic cleansing?

On what grounds is it justified that just one of the many players gets to decide that they want to break away? After the systematic cleansing of the Kashmiri Pandit after torture, killing, rapes and worse how can one expect a fair plebiscite and a just demand for autonomy?

A Protest

2010-08-22T16:25:00.001-04:00

We the people of Jammu Region ( Doda,Jammu,Kishtwar, Poonch, Rajouri, Reasi, Ramban, Samba, Udhampur) stand united in our protest against the demands of AUTONOMY and any other such secessionist voices.

We reiterate our loyalty to Union of India
We stand up today so that OUR voice can be heard!
We are the sons of this soil and proud Indians!
We will not accept the labelling of our Nationalism as Communalism!
We, Hindus, Muslims, Sikhs, Buddhists and people of other faiths stand united in our protest against Autonomy and vow our allegiance to the Great Nation of India.

We stand up collectively to oppose any anti-national activity and attempts to create disharmony amongst people of different faiths in the Jammu Division.

We demand FREEDOM from the tyranny of the and secessionist forces and terrorists!
We raise our voices in support of the Kashmiri Pandits...an exiled people!

We want AZADI from violence and terror at the hands of militants which has resulted in the exodus of the Kashmiri Pandits form the valley and noteworthy demographic changes in the Jammu region with Hindus leaving their villages and homes in fear.

WE SAY GO BACK TERRORISTS GO BACK!
WE SAY NO TO AUTONOMY!
WE SAY YES TO INDIA!

The Lure of the Land – Some stories from Poonch

2010-06-25T02:00:00.000-04:00

The connection to the land is natural and unbreakable. We may go away for a multitude of reasons but it is easier to snip off the umbilical cord than cut away the tie which binds us to our villages and towns and cities….to the land of our forefathers. I have known this for a fact and experienced it at close quarters, having lived quite a nomadic life, traveling far and wide. Nothing can beat the pleasure and ‘the heart will burst’ kind of happiness when I come back “home”….to my home state of Jammu and Kashmir.

I saw this emotion amply reflected in the stories I heard this summer during my trip to Poonch. Poonch is also known as Chhota Kashmir and aptly deserves the title, for the regions beauty and splendour are breathtaking. As I traveled by road I repeatedly asked myself as I crossed vales and mountains that how could one ever leave this place and be really happy. The majestic Pir Panchal range in the backdrop, forests, and gurgling streams, crisp fresh air, rugged men and the beautiful women and children…all pulled at my heart strings. I gasped and sighed when I saw the Surankote valley and was left speechless as I entered the town of Poonch.

The history of the region left me intrigued and my fascination with the place increased. Poonch has also been called the battlefield of Kashmir since many rulers who staked a claimon Kashmir had to fight it out in the Poonch valley. There is a book by the same name “Poonch – “The Battlefield of Kashmir” by Mr. Maini a Poonch local which is a must read for all those who want to know more about the history of this region.

I met many people from various backgrounds and the common underlying theme with all of them was a desire to live peacefully and harmoniously. Not one of them was untouched by militancy and the politics of the region. Landmines in the adjoining hills, militant hideouts in the hills of Mendhar, friends and neighbors crossing over to Pakistan, the bloody guerilla warfare, and the infamous ‘Operation Hill Kaka’ to flush out ISI operatives and militants. Obviously the region is considered sensitive and the existing peace fragile.

Considering that it is a land of Saints and Sufis it is a crying shame. This is a land which is abound by similar yet different testaments to the Almighty…Buddhe Amarnath, Nangli Sahib, Shahdara Sharief to name a few. I visited all three and found them equally moving.

Who could leave such a place and yet some did. Some of them at least whose stories I heard have become refugees in their current country of choice, realizing too late that they became victims of propaganda, pressure and trends of their community and a falsely created fear psychosis. The DC/DM of Poonch Shri Kuldip Khajuria told me that there were people who have come back to Poonch on visitor visas and have had to be literally forced to go back after they exhausted their stay limits that too after extending their visas and stay as many times as legally possible.
Many have openly said that they are worse off in Pakistan occupied Poonch economically and socially. This fact was quite clear in my visit to the LOC. One could clearly see ‘kuchha’ houses across the border compared to the modest but pucca houses on our side of the hills. The Principal of Sheesh Mahal School (the oldest girl’s school in Poonch) told me about an ex-student who visited from POK. The ex-student said that they were fed with stories of persecution of Muslims in India by the Pakistani officials. They were told that the Muslim population was denied the right to education and debarred from offering Namaaz and going to the mosque. Upon hearing from the Principal that in a school of 300 plus girls, there were only 35 Hindu girls, the man broke down and cried in the school assembly organized in his honor.

We were saddened to hear that one of my mother’s muslim neighbor and friend moved to Pakistan in the 70’s. He visited Poonch his place of birth many times once it was possible to do so. Common friends told us he regretted his decision all his life and died a heartbroken man.

Some ties bind us all our lives and there is a love which is equal if not greater than the other facets of love and that is a love for our land. A love which blurs the differences in religion and unites us on the common grounds of language, cultural practices, folk lore, dance, music, literature and so much more. It is for the individual to understand this fundamental truth and the politics to let it be.

You Know You are Homesick When....

2010-05-25T17:30:00.004-04:00

You Know You are Homesick When..........

1.The quaint greengrocer fails to charm you and your heart yearns for the sabzi bazaar/mandi ..be it Doranda Market Ranchi, Antaghaat Patna or Narwaal Mandi Jammu.

2. Shammi Kapoor serenading his leading lady in the vale of Kashmir makes you want to run back home. (Home being Jammu and Kashmir for me)

3. You want to hug anyone in a saree

4. All the strawberry and cream could not stand a chance against langda aam, sitaphal and fresh seasonal litchis

5. Hundreds of trees and lovely flowering plants around you and your eyes still dream of Gulmohar, Peepal and Bargad.

6. All of a sudden you develop a taste for watching any of the many Indian soap operas.

7. It’s a yes to Satyajit Ray’s Feluda. Mr. Doyle Sherlock will have to wait for another day.

8. You read aloud books in your mother tongue (Dogri)just to hear the sound of it :(

9. You are not sure whether to laugh or cry when you see good ols pappad being referred to as "Poppadums"

10.You suddenly do not mind your 5 year old and his other Desi friend singing and very loudly at that, in a public bus in London " Seeti baja ke bol Bhaiya All is Well!"

Differences......Cultural That Is!

2010-05-16T14:30:00.004-04:00

Its been quite sometime when I was last here. But I am back having travelled thousands of kilometres, across oceans and continents, across nations and state lines. So many stories to tell...from the banks of Ganges in the erstwhile Patliputra to the LOC (line of Control)in Chakan Da Bagh in Poonch, J&K. I will reminisce it all here, but will start with my present place of residence and the obvious differences I have observed in the last couple of weeks. Needless to say these are my opinions solely and I am one of those annoying people who 'must' have an opinion on everything :)

OBSERVATIONS
TIME PERIOD: FROM DAY 1 TO DAY 15
LOCATION: THE CITY OF LONDON
CONTEXT: A FUN COMPARISON BETWEEN SUBURBAN AMERICA AND A BOROUGH OF LONDON

1. The English are definitely a very, very, good looking race (no offense to the Americans who are definitely much more friendlier). P.S I am yet to see the other European races at close quarters so it can be a very retricted point of view.

2. This is fashion country I say. I am yet to see someone, anyone (exceptions are the FOBs....Fresh off the Boat Asians like me and maybe East Europeans). I am yet to see any woman in sweatshirt and sweatpants, which was the staple dress code for suburban American Mommies. I for one like to dress up BUT only sometimes and all this high end fashion is painful. I had of course been duly warned that London is atleast 1.5 years ahead of NYC in terms of fashion!!! And now I witness the truth behind the statement.

3. I see a lot of Somalians or maybe some are Sudanese. I am yet to get my facts on this right,but they are definitely from somewhere in North Africa and they are beautiful! I love their fancy, pleated burqas and head scarves. These women and children have a lovely warm, brown color, and striking features. They are tall and statesque. Exotic I say.

4. I was so happy to know that schools had uniforms here till I saw young teenage and pre pubescent school girls in skirts so short it gave me a headache. I am flabbergasted at how they manage to do anything in those skirts, least of all study at school, without risking exposing themselves. To my mind it feeds to a certain stereotype and that is surely troubling. I also concede that I am old school and feel that such blatant display of skin is totally unnecessary and conflicting to the task at hand, which is by the way, getting an education. Maybe that is where lies the cultural difference. Maybe it does nothing to the English man to see such semi nakedness and it also does not lead to a pre-mature and inappropriate sense of sexuality for the young children. Yet again maybe its just the woman, the mother and the small town Indian girl in me speaking. Take your pick.

5. Religion does play a big part here. It is definitely not a secular nation in the sense it celebrates religion and at least on paper encourages religious practice be it of any faith. Admittedly this could be a severly limited perspective and it comes from reading the School Admissons Lietrature. The Catholic and Church of England Schools have listed being religiously active(in any faith) as one of the criterias of preference for admisson. Religious studies too seems to be part of school curriculum.

6. Surprisingly the English society insists on knowing wether you are married divorced, living with a partner etc. Is it a Mrs. or Miss or Ms. is an importnat piece of information here, unlike US where it is a non intrusive Ms. or Mr....Period. I have chanced upon the source of our famous 'Sarkari'work culture. Things get done way much slower. From landline and broadband connection to name being added on the credit card it is a long drawn process. If something closes at 5 and one calls at 4:30, you are told its too late and should come tomorrow. The Amricans will do business anytime of the day as opposed to this. Money makes that nation run and to be honest their work culture rocks.

7.Undoubtedly the accent is cool. Though I proudly intend to retain my Indian accent despite insistence of doing otherwise.I am secretly annoyed at people who acquire a foriegn accent within days of being in a new country or even after a trip to the International Airport. If Penelope Cruz and Salma Hayek can sound doubly sexy thanks to their thick accents why do we become any less because of ours?

8. The weather. Its all about the weather my friend. It is cold and grey and mostly overcaste and rarely sunny. I am being reassured that it gets hot in July and August. But on the other hand I have also been forewarned that there are only 28 days of sunshine in a year in this small island country. Now I know why the English are obsessed with the weather. I know the secret behind the famously pale English complexion. The probable reason behind the certain coldness and stilted emotions famously known as the stiff upper lip. This weather can make the most warm blooded Mediterranean a wee bit frozen. Again this could be hot blooded Indian in me talking who needs the rays to burn me through and through ..ocassionally at least.

9. Coming to food. It is way much better than the genetically modified and unnaturally huge and shiny vegetables found in the US. One had to pay more to get what nature intended man to eat...pay more for Organic which is naturally nay man's right. Anyways the veggies found here look natural and start wilting away withing a few days as they should, unlike thier American counterparts which refuse to even after days and days which makes you wonder what have they been injected with. The ice creams taste better. The yogurt is better. And don't get me started about the breads. They are something I could talk about for a long time.

10. All my extremely aware and conscious friends from LSR and my activist friends from TISS would be delighted to know that this is a society way more greener than the one I was living in before. They not only encourage but are actually practicing a greener lifestyle. Less wastage all around. Way Thumbs up for this.

And yes compared to the big old US of A everything seems smaller. The houses, the stores, the cars ,the roads and even the size of a milk can. It is as if the States were the Land of Gulliver and UK the Land of the Lilliputs.

Disclaimer: This in no way reflects adversely on any society, American, British or Indian. This post stems from a lonely, homesick mind and heart coming to grips with new surroundings, shaking off the hold of the previous one, and preparing for assimilation into a new way of life.

Soon No More a Jersey Girl

2010-02-05T18:35:00.006-05:00

Well a week more to go and then I will give up my claim on being a Jersey girl. I am sad and happy at the same time. I am filled with positivity and hope for a future which asks more of me in every which way. With my babies almost ready to go to school and full time at that, I am gearing up to do more and give back more to the community. I am excited about starting work on my dream....social entrepreneurship. Cannot wait to see my family though heartbroken to leave my 'new'family here.

A lot is going on around me and so many issues and stories I have been dying to write about but have been unable to for obvious reasons. I cannot believe that even after a year I am talking and thinking, if the likes of Uddhav Thackeray can get more harmful for the fabric of a nation. I fail to fathom how deep seated problems get solved by banning sports persons and artists form the neighboring country. The problems stem from a different place, which has little to do with the common man and things associated with him.

I could not be more in love with Aamir Khan after Rang De Basanti, Taare Zameen Par and now 3 Idiots. I hope he has sparked many a mind with his revolutionary films and initiated a process of change. I recently viewed a clip on the work being done by Kiran Bir Sethi, at Riverside School, Ahmedabad and prayed for more of her likes. I am motivated and encouraged to imitate her vision and her commitment. I echo her thoughts the "Let Change Be Contagious"!!!!
http://www.ted.com/talks/kiran_bir_sethi_teaches_kids_to_take_charge.html

I have also dealt with something I call 'Clipped Wings'...children born with special needs. After visiting NICUs (Neo-natal Intensive Care Units) in 2 different hospitals and seeing a set of parents, who are also my dear friends live a nightmare, I cannot pray harder for those who are born with clipped wings and even those who refuse to be grateful that they CAN take flight.

I leave next Saturday and just wanted to say to all my dear blogosphere friends, that I will not be long gone. I have so much to share and am looking forward to your feedback.

I pray it will not just be a journey this time but a Rite of Passage....a more evolved me is getting a chance to put theory into practice. Wish me Luck!!

To Dig Roots or To Take Flight

2009-12-21T01:45:00.003-05:00

I resume writing after almost a month and half. Have been busy with the 'idea' of moving continents and all things related. We are finishing the do-able, must-sees ...all very touristy I must say. That is the easy and the fun part. The not so fun part is emotionally and mentally preparing ourselves to say good-bye to a place we called home for the last seven years. It becomes even more difficult because I came here a girl and am leaving a woman. I became a housewife, a mother here. I also re-discovered my faith and evolved some more and faster.

We prepare ourselves to cut off those ties that bind us to this place, to go back to the ties that tug at us. I prepare myself to say adieu to all those whom I reluctantly be-friended and more reluctantly leave behind. The smells, the sounds (or rather the lack of it as it is in typical suburban America versus India), the food will be missed. I will miss the old Indian gentleman whom I would chat with in the laundry who would pine for his village and his friends. I will miss the African American woman who smoked like a chimney and whom we lovingly and secretly called 'Chimney'. How similar and yet how different we were. I will never forget the way she stuck up to us after an argument with a particularly racist white man for some petty reason. She told me "Do not take that nonsense" and told me stories of her childhood in rural Mississippi.

I will miss all those who stood by and even those who did not because they all taught me a lesson or two. I thank the technological advancements for once, knowing it will allow me to stay in touch more easily than ever before.

But yet as I prepared myself to fly back home, I was jolted by the news that I might be going somewhere else. Hubby dearest might have to go to UK for a couple of years. I still am not sure if that will happen and will not be till I am actually there. But the surprise did lead to a lot of sighing and thinking and feeling blue. I am a tad bit tired of living as if I might have to move in the next 2 months. I have lived without fancy curtain or cookware and cutlery. I have learnt to be happy and have at times gotten my way and hung up elaborate Madhubani paitings not caring if I lived here for a day or a year. I have sometimes given in to the practical problems of baggage and shipping etc. And sometimes thrown all caution to the wind. I do have some regrets and mostly that I would have be-friended some people earlier than I did for they are such wonderful people and I would have loved to know them longer.

But yet another move, to yet another country. I gave up on my professional aspirations the minute I became a mom and I have never regretted it. But the resolve to follow my husband around and be a family sometimes has had me floundering. I just saw Julie and Julia and loved it. I loved the story, Merryl Streep and Amy Adams. I could relate to their stories (not the cooking necessarily) and loved their married life. Great husbands, great families with lots of love to go around. I could also echo the question Merryl asks in the movie "Where is home?" and am trying to understand the answer her husband gives "Wherever we are"
One thing that I learnt from the movie was that a lack of a sense of purpose and a sense of joy could arise with or without the kind of nomadic lifestyle I live. It could arise with or without the lack of a rewarding career. As long as we were togther and happy and in love with ourselves, each other , life and God we could figure it out.

The power to make a situation sunny and positive lay within me. The movie taught me that. My husband says it more often than I would like to hear. My scriptures say it. I am a part of the supreme whole and hence I am whole...complete and powerful.
So why be in doldrums at all. My sense of purpose is for me to define. Why challenge the master plan. Maybe I was born to roam.
Travel, absorb, learn, integrate, assimilate........there is so much to be seen and there is so much to be learnt. I am eager to return to my land, my people and most importantly give back. And I pray that I will do that soon. In the meantime I will give back to my family, and communities wherever I am. Period.

Hence pine I will no more. Or at least try very hard not to. Digging roots at the moment is very attractive and safe but I shall not tremble at the idea of taking flight and soaring to new heights. God grant me the courage and show me the way.

But You are a Mommy !!!

2009-10-30T18:49:00.005-04:00

This is for all those self glorified/magnified/inflicted moments spent in doubt, dilemma, and misery. The moments wasted wallowing in self-pity. Moments used for making others lives around me painful too. Those moments throughout the years at various stages in life wondering....who am I, what is my purpose in life right now, what am I supposed to do or rather what is the right thing for me to do, what role do I play right now. Moments feeling unfulfilled and dis-satisfied.

And not so surprisingly the varied roles I have identified for myself have been determined by how its going to be seen and rated by the society around me. Most of the times my gut feeling and my true inner voice is muffled, strangled into silence, by all the noise outside.

I increasingly have been thinking that life would have been simpler was I born in times when the 4 ashrams were the order of the day. No room for confusion whatsoever. Each one has their Dharma/duty to fulfill according to their age. Brahmacharya ...a student's focus would only be in inculcating good values and learning, not worrying if their course will result in an accepted, well paying career. As a Grihasth, the family being the primary focus removes all debates about whether we should live in separate cities so that the pursuit of material and monetary success which we have fooled ourselves into thinking is much more than that....self esteem, independence, a sense of usefulness etc etc.
It also removes the self justified 'practical' reasons for which we choose a certain way of life at the cost of our people and parents.
Vaanprastha and the clearly defined roles would result in peace at home. In laws and parents would realize that undue interference is not what they should be indulging in at this stage of life, Instead the quest for true knowledge which anyways should have been a continuous effort in life, should pick up speed now. It is the time when reins should be handed over to the generation next.
Sanyaas prepares us for the inevitable...death. Gradually loosening the ties which bind us and cause us grief at the thought of leaving this particular human form.

Since I am not born into such times, I am your typical person, beset with confusion and self inflicted pain over what is my role and purpose in life...at times. It gets only better as I know and hear more of our brilliant texts. But it is slow though a steady process.
In the meantime my innocent 3 year old who is sans these issues in life is a big help. Only recently I was telling my 5 year old how mommy wanted to become a Doctor once upon a time. My 3 year old, upon hearing this immediately said "You cannot be a Doctor". My suspicious mind thought there was some gender stereotyping going on here and I explained to her that "Girls can be doctors, I could be a Doctor". Adamantly and emphatically she declared "NO!, But you are a Mommy".

Thanks my little one for reminding me of my primary role as of now and its supreme importance. For her I am a Mommy, and the rest is inconsequential.

For The 'Mother' in the Motherland

2009-10-20T23:33:00.009-04:00

How filmi is the 'Mother' in the 'Motherland'? I would say its a lot. When we find the suffix Mata overly dramatic, Janamabhoomi just plain rhetoric, its time for some hard, cold honesty.

As the time approaches for us to return to our home country, I think I have heard it all. From plain selfishness, to hurtful statements meant to make the speaker feel better about their own decision to outright denial. This particular onslaught has left me hopping mad, frustrated and really, really scared for the future of good solid, plain old fashioned, value system.

Of course I am not expecting the pick-up-the-mud-and-rub-it-on-your-forehead-teary-eyed type of fervour. But some feelings which surpass the "my vote is for whoever gives me better roti-kapda-aur makaan" is asking for too much, is it?
Shifting your loyalties and allegiance because you expect a better deal in terms of lifestyle, education, money, success material and otherwise is a little surprising to me (to put it mildly).

I am aware of political asylum seekers, people who have been forced to migrate to avoid abject poverty. Victims of natural disasters, war and terrorism. But the profiles of those who I have been talking to or rather who have been talking to me about this issue are very different. Yes they definitely feel they have done better for themselves by adopting the new country and maybe they have.

But I still do not have the heart in me to congratulate them the day they acquire their precious new citizenship. That day they raised their hand and solemnly swore that they will have loyalty to only one country...not the country of their birth but the country of their choice. The have promised to stand by their new country in times of war etc. Many have described guilt r-idden, sleepless nights before this event and many have said they did not really say the difficult 'bits' of the oath. But then that's even worse. You could not remain loyal to the country of origin and you could also not be faithful to the adopted country. Today I choose to call a spade a spade and yes if patriotism is a sin I am guilty.

I have respect for those who say their philosophy does not match with their country of birth and have sincerely sworn their allegiance to their new country. Those who identify themselves first as Americans and then as Indians by race.
Just the way one cannot have Friends solely for profit or pleasure, one cannot have Nations for profit or pleasure. You made a choice stand by it. If there is a war between the US and India tomorrow (God Forbid! Now with the Nobel Peace Prize and all maybe US will give up their attack first-think later policy ), You, the new citizens have the courage and the strength of character to stand by your new country. Honor your commitments for once.

I too would prefer a world without borders. One Nation, One World. But till that happens I am an Indian and my loyalties remain fixed with my 'mother'land. Despite our differences, and even the secret guilty longing for a different mother especially as an angst ridden teenager I would want to 'change' her but never 'replace' her.

Another Reason Why I Believe in God

2009-10-12T21:56:00.015-04:00

Amother Reason Why I Believe in God...........

Not that I personally need any reminding and reasons to believe in God. I thought that in a world where agnosticism is in vogue maybe the above pictures may bring about a change of heart in a die hard non-believer or two :)
For me the fact that I get up every morning and still remember who I am, the fact that the entire mechanism of eating, digesting, filtering out toxins happens, the fact that my Gynaecologist admitted that there are only so many things they know for sure about conception and delivery is enough to reiterate my faith in a Supreme Being. P.S there are many more better reasons too, but this will have to do for the time being :)

The changing seasons only add to my awe of the creator.I have just come back from a trip to the New England region of USA and I have been suitably spell bound by the work of the Master Artist. The yellows, burned orange, reds are the colors favored by God this month. I thanked god and praised his artistry as I breathed in the crisp, chilly air and took in the splashes of color on the once green landscape. I am no poet and it will probably take poetry to describe what I saw. I am no Pandit Jagannath who in 'Gangalahiri' took poetry to new heights and did justice to the beauty and meaning of the River Ganga.

Anyways so I took the easy way out and am letting the pictures do the talking. I see miracles everyday,around me.What you see in the pictures is what I consider a Miracle !!!

Entering the System

2009-09-22T21:47:00.005-04:00

Tuesday Breakfast : Cottage cheese stuffed freshly baked kulcha w kechup n pineapple drink
Lunch: Kadhi Pakoda , Jeera aloo, Green peas pulao, Phulka dheeme aanch se, Fried masala papad, Green salad, Rice kheer thandi thandi
Evening Drink:Strawberry shake

Wednesday Breakfast : Fresh vegetable potato cutlet w steamed green peas n oven freah muffin, rose drink
Lunch : Ghia masala curry, Amritsari Chole,Bhuna piaz pulao, Tandoori naan, Boondi raita, Garden fresh greens roundal cut, Fresh fruits.
Evening Drink : Bournvita Milk

Thursday Breakfast: Grated vegetable stuffed parantha w fresh curd, mango drink Lunch: Kadhai paneer, Channa dal Ghia, Steamed rice, Chapati, Cucumber raita, Vinegar dipped onion w hari chutney, Jalebi.
Evening Drink: Mochha Milk

Friday Breakfast : Carrot peas freshly steamed idli w sambhar n coco chutney, fresh lime juice
Lunch : Subz bhaji w butter on top, Bombay pao, Pindi channa dry w paneer cubes on top, Stuffed bhatura, Piazi raita, Bhuna jeera rice, Kesari rasmalai.
Evening Drink: Mango Shake
Million Dollars to the one who guesses what the above is...or maybe just a "The Most Aware of Whats Happening Around You Award!"
I for one had a jaw droping moment when I read the above....the jaw hit the keyboard kinda moment.....for the above is not a Luxury Hotel/Resort's Menu Card but a weekly Menu Card of a School....a school where a 3.5 or 4 year old enters primarily for the purpose of acquiring life skills....oops sorry I meant livlihood skills. When did a center of training (I do not have the heart or the mind rather, to call them Centers of Learning, though some teachers do cross that line and make it a learning experience despite the stale 'how to make a good living' syllabus, but they are few and far in between).

If one thing I am sure of, it is a head full of premature grey hair by the end of the following 4 months. The end of the coming 4-6 months will also mean return to Janmabhoomi and hopefully a satisfying end to my school search for my children who will enter the Indian School System. My search and queries have lead me to frazzled , harassed parents who have told me horror stories which can keep any parent awake. Any queries sent to the 'Contact Us'link of school websites have (not surprisingly) yielded no results. I have been told the schools do not need 'us', we need 'them'. This power play and positioning means we will do whatever 'they' ask us to do. From paying money under fancy and necessary sounding heads that are actually nothing more than shameless greedy 'donations' to being treated poorly, we take it in our stride. We accept being forced to maintain a DIH (Double Income Household), sitting for parent interviews at school and ignoring the most glaringly unethical question in the school admissons form about the income of the parents.

As a parent one is ready to sweat it out to give the best to one's child. I will happily do cartwheels around the school campus if gauranteed the best education for my child. But after paying ridiculously high fees and putting up with all that will come my way from this greedy, money making, institution, am I ensured of what is truly the best for my child. I am not expecting lessons to live life well...I know that is something I will have to do myself...gone are the days of such Gurukuls and such Gurus.
But the rising trend of Day Boarding Schools and forced lunch at school is alarming to say the least. The first such school that came up in my hometown of Jammu has a dangerously high number of obese children. Can a person who bids and wins a contract and hopes to make a profit be in a position to feed your child nourishing, nutritious and wholesome food. I have been in the hostel for both my undergrad and post grad and during PG I remember that a certain,Mr. Shetty, the Canteen Contractor was rumored to use soda in Rice and other dishes so that the students ate less and yet felt full.
A child growing up on such a diet however fancy and delicious is bound to suffer in the long run. And what is it with the long hours? It can be suitable for working moms but no one can convince me that it is good for a child to be in a structured setting for such long hours. The only thing it does is prepare the child early on for long working hours at office or lead to a case of early burn out, both physically and mentally. I do not need that kind of "smooth transition" from school to office for my children.

All I dream of is a great school. Not very far away from home. Where lunch means exchanging home made parathas with some friends idlis. A school where one makes friends, explores and grows. A place where winning is not important but doing one's best is. Values are equally cherished as academic excellence. A place where a child may falter, make mistakes but never stops learning.

P.S : Any suggestions, advise, information are more than wlecome :)

Hiatus

2009-08-29T23:56:00.000-04:00

Lots of things happening....

Son 'A' turns 5 soon. Dad is leaving for Jammu, India, his 2.5 moths long visit winding to an end. A's birthday will be celebrated (nothing grand..his friends will come over) almost a week in advance since we want Nanaji to be a part of the celebration.
A is into Solar Systems and 'Mahabharat'(courtesy Nanaji) these days. And since his mom is artistically challenged I thought Solar System as a theme for the Birthday party is much more do-able. I have an exam coming up too. I am at my wits end and a little tierd with the range of emotions I am experiencing. So a break from blogging is becoming necessary.

Also the fact that my studies are not upto the mark and the exam of sorts is just a few more days away is making me unhappy.
I call it exam of sorts because, exams benefit us in some way or the other...Degree/Certification, a better job/opportunity or a higher salary etc etc etc. This exam will do nothing of that nature. But I cherish it more than the countless exams I have given before, because I do this only to gain knowledge. The concept of a Pareeksha is necessary for a mere mortal like me with 2 kids under the age of 5 and no help. I would never be able to finish a decent amount of literature/syllabus (if I can dare call it that) if the spectre of Exam did not loom overhead. Though I love to read, this is not an easy piece of reading. I am dealing with 4 Adhyayas of Geeta, The stories and concept of Dashavatar, 18 stories of great men like Kumaril Bhatt, Adi Shankracharya, Tiru Valluvar, Tulsidas....
The true meaning and significance behind many of our Hindu Festivals and rituals associated with them. And Pandurangashtakam ...written by Adi Shankracharya(meaning and memorizing. I admit ashamedly that I am not even attempting to learn the Sanskrit shlokhas. The rest is going to get my best shot.

Hence I am unable to read many of my favorite blogs and write posts as frequently but I will resurface with vigor post 9/13. See you soon.

Here Comes The Party Pooper

2009-08-25T14:01:00.012-04:00

Disclaimer: All the incidents mentioned are true but the opinions expressed are the author's alone with the honest intention of hurting no one, especially Shiv/Ram/Balram Senas, Puja Oraganizers, Parents and Children.

Scene 1: Many years back growing up in Eastern India, I looked forward to Durga Pujo...The Pandals were a delight and the atmosphere positive and lively. Good food to eat, lots of Rabindra Sangeet, Conch Blowing Competitions, Aarti Competitions (they do it in a special way dancing to drums known as Dhaks). Later there would be plays by the local theatre groups.
You can view Dhunuchi Naach at

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDlVlp3qgqk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QWrw5CdjEiA&feature=related

Scene 2: As years went by the noise increased thanks to loudspeakers blaring bhajans sung to the tune of popular Bollywood numbers.
As I grew older venturing to see the Moortis and the skills of the craftsmen became a an exercise in life/modesty saving skills...Maa's Darshan came with dollops of butt pinching, squeezing, inappropriate touching experiences.

Scene 3: Newly married, we were the coolest couple in the block. I was still a student at TISS (Hubby still looks like he is in college) and many in the area thought we were a pair living in sin. Having cleared our names and our honor we were asked to judge a dance competition during the Ganapati Festival in Mumbai (Andheri). The competition did not earn us brownie points with the mothers whose children did not win. But I still vividly remember sitting in the Pandal ..with the beginnings of a migraine.. thanks to the ear splitting loud music and a growing embarassment on having to witness pre-pubescent children moving vulgarly to the tunes of Bollywood numbers.
Love the Arti though.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smlFOa42qSo&feature=related

Scene 4: I saw yet another clip last night of a dance competition organized for Ganapati and saw 8-9 year olds gyrating to "I am a Desi Girl.." and other such numbers. I thought the Ganapti Idol in the corner looked a little forlorn or maybe even embarrassed as these young girls...children heaved and twisted to these numbers.

Scene 5: I get invited to a friend's house for Ganapti and she says she is asking all the children invited to prepare a little something on Ganapti..Shloka, story, song...This way the children get to perform and learn at the same time. Our own little cultural program as we celebrate Ganesh Chaturthi. Fun redefined. God Bless Her !

If not for the beginning and the ending scene this would have been a sad story. But maybe it still is for many who think I am nothing more than a party Pooper who is taking away the fun element from these Puja Celebrations by frowning down upon the commercialization and heavy Bollywood influence.

The celebrations at a community level were introduced as a means to encourage a sense of unity...ekta and sangathan. Lokmanya Tilak popularized Ganapati Celebrations in Maharashtra. There should be entertainment undoubtedly. Festivals besides reiterating some good values are also a way to break the monotony of our lives and add some color. But what kind of entertainment do we seek, is an important question we should ask ourselves. Today sab chalta hai in the name of entertainment. An entertainment which is inappropriate does not add any value and in fact can be extremely damaging should be a matter of concern.

This should not be confused as my aversion to dance altogether. Besides the classical art forms I love to dance to music of any kind. But that is also because I have acquired the ability to filter the nonsense in the lyrics. I also know there is a different time and place for different things.

Personally I am worried. How do I bring up children in an environment like this? I do not want a 12 year old behaving like a 20 year old. I do not want them to accept entertainment and popularity as it is seen today. A very challenging task which is all consuming, especially since I see little help coming from any quarter. I can only do my best, hope to be surrounded by like-minded people and......pray.
I am not worried about disapproval and dissent. Zamana badal gaya hai and Vichaar bhi and I choose and prefer to walk the less travelled road. But yes, the road is long and hard.

Why Should Bikini be a Big Deal?

2009-08-20T14:51:00.005-04:00

Why Should Bikini be a Big Deal? Says not I but a current Indian Beauty Queen contesting at an International Beauty Pageant. It got me thinking. I wear westerns and in many settings like a hot summer day, prefer them over traditional Indian wear.
But this particular statement accompanied by a picture of the Beauty Queen in a Bikini did not appeal to my rationality. Because the thought that popped into my head was that its not a big deal but totally unnecessary, definitely. Why should a Pageant which claims to evaluate one's 'inner'and 'outer' beauty within a couple of weeks and a couple or more of a round of questions even attempt to justify bikini clad women strutting in high heels as a test of physical beauty and inner strength.
The thought of a man or a woman trying to prove their over all appeal simply by shedding their clothes in front of millions is pitiable. A voyeuristic society lapping it all up and celebrating it is sad but not surprising.

It is not a sin to wear what one 'likes' wear. But "Prasangochitam Vesham Kuryaat" The clothes we wear should respect the situation we are in.
I went to the temple the other day and there were many women in western outfits, which is not a problem at all. COmfortable and clean should be the Mantra. But as soon as I sat down in a corner to concentrate I was confronted by this awful vision.... a beige underwear clad behind peeping out of a low waist jeans. First I was horrified for myself and more for the person putting on that 'free show'. This was followed by embarrassment, pity and a little anger. As far as concentration goes...for a mere mortal like me it went Kaput!
Prasangochitam Vesham Kuryaat. Your clothes should do justice to the situation you are in.
In such clothes I would not achieve what I have come for, in the temple....hopefully to concentrate and reflect and feel at peace. As someone forced to witness such an exhibition, I would rather not see, if see it at all, in such a setting. Besides the fact that my 2 year old shouting loudly "nangu-nangu" in a Temple is distracting as well as dig-a-hole-and-bury-myself-in kinda embarrassing. Unnecessary, totally unnecessary.

What should one wear is not a struggle I hope to get into with a school going child. The Ashram Vyavstha is a Vedic way of Life and it allows one to concentrate and do full justice to each stage of life. A student who is wasting time and energy thinking about his appearance and its affect on others means a student who will certainly not be performing to his/her potential. The Clothing Industry and the Retail World are happy with Public Schools having no concept of Uniforms (in the US). But when you watch the school goers sauntering into the school you have to remind yourself that they are teenagers (or even younger) who have come to this esteemed institution of Learning for the sole purpose of educating themselves. What and how much are they learning I ask myself, as they discuss the latest fashions, adjust their low waisted jeans and form cliques based on best and worst dressed, all in between the classes?
A 13 year old looks best being a 13 year old. Carefree and above the concerns of outer appearances. His/her only Dharam being that of a Brahmacharya...a Vidyarthi(student) on a quest for knowledge. A 10 year old should not be thinking about nail paints and cell phones and sex. Somethings are natural but that is where we are different from animals. We should know better that there is an age and a way to do things. Modest and clean in terms of behavior and dressing will only aid the environment of learning.

We should not lose our ability to rationally view what helps us and others be their best at every age and situation. Freedom within rational boundaries is beneficial and beautiful. Unharnessed,it has the power to be damaging.

Prasangochitam Vesham Kuryaat

Social Revolution and Shree Krishna

2009-08-13T22:35:00.018-04:00

Happy Janamashtami to All.

Shree Krishna, the Avatar/Re-incarnation is a subject I am incapable of touching upon. I will just take some instances of his life to show what a great Social Reformer, Brilliant Politician, and a Teacher of Spirituality he was. [His life and its meaning are things I have learnt and am still learning].

There was a time when every body's motto was Eat, Drink and Be Merry. The Brahmins were not independent and were patrons of the ruling elite. The subjects taught did not include Life Lessons...did not explain ways to truly develop one's life. The Ruling Class was egoistic and running after sensual pleasures and material wealth. The same behaviour was mirrored by the society at large. Though the people were materially wealthy they lacked in character, integrity and were floundering through life. Clueless as to why professional and material success and fame did not bring peace.

During such a time was born Shree Krishna to show us the power of Social Cohesion and stress upon the act that power and money are not what are needed for a Sangathan/Collective Strength and Social Revolution. He came to protect the Righteous (Saadhu) and punish the wrong doers. To set things right.

He stopped the Indra Puja which was a way to worship Vaibhav/Material wealth. He advocated and started Govardhan Puja....Go meaning Upanishad and those who protected and spread the ideas of Upanishads...a spread of Naitik Mulya/ Moral Values.

He endeared the women and stirred up a women's movement by spending time with the Gopis and making them into Brahmins...a people who spread the thoughts of God and Godly behaviour. The famous Raas Lila is just that ...Lila...a romanticized version of a 7 year old Krishna's interaction with much, much older women. He knew that a woman is instrumental in bringing about change in her home, extended family and society.
"Grihe Grihe Gopvadhukadamba"...the revolutionary ideas were taken from door to door by these Gopis as they sold milk.

He accepted the title of "MaakhanChor" to bring about a change...starting from the children of Gokul. There was no dearth of milk and butter in Gokul but all of it was sold to Mathura. The children of Gokul were deprived of essential nutrients. Krishna who was not lacking in any way stole milk and butter and distributed it amongst his friends. Another perspective is that Maakhan symbolized Sad Vichaar or good thoughts. He took the good from each family in Gokul and passed it on to the children. He sent the message that both a healthy body and mind are needed to make these children able citizens of tomorrow. These very Gopal's along with Krishna changed the society.

And finally ShreemadBhagvad Geeta...not a religious text but Shree Krishna's gift to Humanity. It answers all possible questions one can have about life. All doubts will be cleared and dilemmas settled. But secular education does not allow for a study of spiritual texts. Shreemad Bhagvat Geeta: God's song which enables me to learn the true purpose of my life. How do I find my inner peace which stands so shallow today. We are a generation which is stumbling through a fog. Happiness does not last. We are full of angst and so full of ourselves. We are living in a false truth.
I fear for my child who will surely learn how to make a living but will grapple with the fundamental issues which will determine his course and his happiness.

The cycle of good and bad is eternal. The society 5000 years back was no different from the society of today. The Land where Krishna was born is dipping down to new depths. And the behaviour is being cloaked behind the Right and need to earn money and fame, the Right to practice proudly the Philosophy of I, Me, Myself....the new mantra of emancipation for all. The Right to Cowardly hide behind...'Kaliyug hai...kya kiya ja sakta hai'.
It is necessary to excel in University (definitely not a Center of 'Higher Learning' but a Center of 'Higher Earning') but not imperative to be a man/woman of character.

The greed to hoard is overwhelming. Enough is never enough. Hence the collapsing buildings, train derailments, loot, rape and murder. Live Life King size means 'Upbhog'(consumption) of the highest order. Retail therapy is fast replacing Spiritual therapy. Upgrade whenever boredom sets in. And how easily bored we are today.

A spineless government and a spineless and an even weaker society.

In such times the lessons given by Krishna hold good. Time has not stolen his lustre.
Knowledge and Devotion must be combined with Action. There are too many Bakasurs(Bak meaning False Pride), Aghasurs (Agh meaning Sin). Asurs are not the ugly monstrous,fictional, Indianized versions of Vampires but real immoral,corrupt,bloodsucking Rakshassucking away at the society and the Right Way of Life/Dharm.
He showed us the Middle Path between Consumption and Renunciation. He asked us to keep our personal obligations/promises and loyalties aside for the greater good.
He showed us that we can fill our lives with laughter and play and yet tackle the evil within and outside.

Janamashtami is not just about fasting and feasting but renewing our pledge to carry forward Shree Krishna's work and blaze the trail for a Social Revolution. Rise and Shine!

Yada Tada Yatha Tatha Tathaiv Krishnsatkatha...
Krishnam Vande Jagadgurum!!!

The Ritual of Marriage and Misunderstandings

2009-08-05T12:28:00.006-04:00

Hindu weddings have been glorified and romanticized by movies and tele-serials.
In smaller towns they are still an almost 10 day affair and loads of fun.
Some marriage rituals are hated and deemed abusive by the feminists and the Un/Mis-informed Hindus.
Kanyadaan being one.
It is also considered by the Ritualistic Hindu as a means to wash off one's sins.

I don't want to talk about the Ritualistic Hindu...who anyways could not care less about the meaning of any ritual he/she follows and only worsens by attaching superstition and 'sky-will-fall-down-upon-you-if-you-don't' consequences to it.
I want to talk about the Un/Mis-informed Hindus...the ones who don't really know. They are not completely responsible for not knowing because it was never taught anywhere. The things they have learnt from family is unfortunately all rituals and no substance. They have grown up hating what they have heard and not surprisingly so.

We are Hindus. We are 'secular' by nature. We do not favor Hindu versions of Madarsas or Sunday Bible Schools. Hindus attending any such Center of Learning face the risk of being labelled as Communal.
So where does the Uninformed Hindu go to check his facts on Hinduism? Probably the book - "Hinduism for Dummies". The book sadly has also been written by dummies. So after reading even one such book...the righteous and any self-respecting Un-informed Hindu especially woman will go red in the face screaming to the world at large that the rituals are demeaning and she would rather go to hell than practice the 'shameful' ritual. I was once that Mis-informed/Un-informed Hindu...as someone said I am now the Rediscovering Hindu :).

What surprises me is we take so much care before choosing our doctor, our child's school, our home, car etc etc etc And pick up any over the counter book on Hinduism and start to judge. The hand me down tit bits about the Dharm....do we care to double check the facts? Have we taken pains to find the truth behind the muck that has collected over the years by malpractice? I did not until very recently.
Re-education and Reform are vital.

Anyways coming back to the point.

Kanyadaan. Kanyadaan or Panigrahan or Hast-milaap is not derogatory to anyone least to the girl and her family. It is a common factor in all Hindu marriages irrespective of the region. Terminology and ritual might differ slightly.
The word Daan has to be understood in the Shastriya terms. Daan is not a sign of weakness but the greatest strength. It does not mean 'donation' which brings in a sense of unequal relationship between the giver and receiver. That is wherein lies the problem of language. You cannot replace the word Daan with Donation. If you do so, you misinterpret. I also wonder if the Christian practice of the Father of the Bride "Giving Away" his daughter has similar connotations. Have not heard many questions on that though. Our Rishis consider a husband and wife equals. There is no 'better half' because they are considered One. "Tdetat Ardh Dwidalam Bhavati"
Lets look at some of the marriage rituals:

When the institution of marriage was being set up by Rishi Manu the question arose who will go to whose house? The girl graciously offered to move to the boys house BUT only when the boy comes to get her.On his knees, on a horse, in car, a Moped, a Bullet....any means of transport of his choice...so the Baraat/the Grooms side goes to girl's house. Dancing themselves silly and high on alcohol is, I stress not mentioned in the Shastras.

Some of the rituals(may vary in degrees from state to state):

VarPooja/Dwaar Pooja: Is a ceremony where the groom is welcomed and considered Vishnu swaroop. This was a psychological move. To reduce the anxiety of the brides parents (they were naturally worried if the boy was good enough for their daughter). We can control somethings and not all. Hence the parents were to place trust in God and assume that the boy at their door seeking their daughters hand in marriage was Narayan. All the things used to welcome him are also symbolic and signify something.

VarMala: Symolizes the concept of Samarpan (surrender) and Union (Ekya)

Hastmilaap/Panigrahan/Kanyadaan: Is when the Father of the bride places the bride's hand in the groom's hand and he takes it saying "Dharme ch arthe ch kame ch aham natichrami"Meaning he promises that in dharm (in my way of life), kam(in my desires for worldly pleasures) and arth (financially) I will never harm you. Not only does he accept the girl as his wife but also becomes responsible for her happiness and well being.
The Father of the bride touches the Groom's knee/shoulder/whatever which is also known as Madhurpak puja is not a way of saying Please allow me to 'donate' my daughter to you (sick!) but he is sending the message that you are now Shreshta -the best (of course nothing but the Best for one's daughter) and if you are not you better become now :) The practice of holding a piece of cloth..Antarpat signifies the Groom's Last Chance...it says if you are not capable of taking on this responsibility you better leave before its too late. In some states this is when you hear the cry of Saavdhaan Saavdhaan!!(your last chance to run if you are an incapable insecure chauvinistic fool) The blunt honesty blows me away:) I love my Dharm :)

SaptPadi or SaatPhere: Is the heart of the Hindu marriage. There is an exchange of 7 fundamental priniciples of an ideal marriage. The groom (the Pandit/Priest does the honors of course) tells her 7 principles and expects the wife to follow and vice-versa.

Mangalsutra/Sindoor: Is symbolic and reminds the woman of her husband's presence and his love. It is considered a sign of Saubhagya or Good Luck. Of course I feel unashamedly happy and lucky that I am married to man who loves me. At times though I also feel it is not me who needs the reminding so much as the brainless men who say "Will you be friends with me " (Creep!)
If the husband is not worthy...well then who needs reminding? Do away with the husband and the symbols, I guess.

Now, to be honest even I did not like the idea of leaving my parents house when getting married. The fact that we have not been living with either set of parents since our marriage is technical but a vital detail. It is understood that our parents will stay with us whenever they want or feel the need.It applies equally to both sets of parents.
Now coming to the heated debate and the billion dollar question which in today's age is merely symbolic, is : why should the girl go the grooms house?

Well for me now as I see it I amongst the two of us (husband and I) was better capable of going into another family, treating them like my own(most of the times:)) and loving them back with the same intensity. I was also more capable (something which is intrinsic to me as a woman not a learned behavior...may not apply to all for a variety of reasons)of aligning the two families and creating an unbreakable bond between them. I again had the emotional intelligence and practical as well to not let one family suffer at the cost of another. I could flit and fit in both households with ease. My husband barely manages to remember his own birthday or the important festivals. I don't even expect him to remember the names of second and third cousins wife and children's names on either side of the family. So I the "Samarpan ki Devi and Mamta ki Moorat" took pity on him and went to his house. :)

This is my strength. I now see it as a gift. A power!!!

P.S If one thinks the Husband is the better gifted one in this department...surely the order of things must be reversed :)

"The Land where the Sun Shines Mildly"...Kalhan

2009-07-29T14:25:00.008-04:00

Kalhan,Kashyap,and Kalidas would not recognize (in the year 2009), the land they wrote so lovingly and beautifully about. A land torn with strife, wracked with pain and guilt, defenceless against death and violence. A land which was the birthplace of Shaivism and a favorite with the greatest Sanskrit scholars of the time is drooping with pessimism. A land famously known for it Sufi traditions, a rich fabric of interwoven faiths today would be shamed even by its own shadow.

A people exiled, a people at war, a people trying to find a voice of their own....the Kashmiri Pandits, Kashmiri Muslims, the Dogras and the Ladakhis.

The state and its people stand divided...one man's terrorist is the other man's freedom fighter. Wars have been waged at its frontiers, and the war within has gone on for too long.

Bharat Mata ki Jai clashes with Jeeve Jeeve Pakistan and Ragda Ragda ( a war cry that was invented by the separatist elements last year, to be shouted while stomping on the Tricolor). Is it the same state I ask where at the border 10 years back the cry of 'Dil Maange More' became famous? But then the Nation almost forgot that war too.

The cries of Muzzafarabad Chalo last year were deafening, as is the silence on that route today. No fruits being traded through that route. So what was the drama about?
The Poonch-Rawalkote trade route which is used more by the Dogra traders is also losing its pace because of a fear of money being blocked in the barter system of the trade.

The Shopian case caused a furore and rightly so but is the silence over the killing of a 3 year old by the terrorists not telling? Human Rights have been taken for a toss in some very obvious ways. Then there are lesser heard of stories which also speak of loss of rights and dignity.

We can always rely on the politicians to amp up the levels of disturbance when they seem to wane. Amarnath Issue was nothing more than a malicious gossip (to achieve a specific purpose) taken way out of proportion and given such a color that the country at large still is not sure what it was all about. When our claim to the Title of The Most Disturbed State seems threatened the politicians (State and National) pitch in to defend the title. After all considering the amount of money being poured into the state, a lot is at stake.

From the Jammu region the demand for a separate Assembly has arisen. The Jammuites are tired of the Bandhs and the lack of development in the sate which is driving their young away. The valley to them it seems has gotten used to the strikes and minimal working days. The state exchequer is burdened but the people are guilt free for drawing salaries for almost no work. The whispers for a separate State - Duggar Pradesh are also picking up volume.

When the Kashmir issue is discussed at any forum we wait with baited breath for a Solution. Sometime back I believed that the end was in sight. But as of today I know its not coming soon... if it all it is coming.

I have grown up hearing stories of valour and peace. I have grown up seeing the beauty of its people and its geography. Last year during the Amarnath issue I as a Dogra understood what it feels like to scream and yet not be heard.
I got to know many Kashmiri Pandits ...angry, hurting and seeking revenge.
I also got a chance to interact with many Kashmiri Muslim youth ...one in particular I fought with, argued, and debated with for hours. I finally befriended him. He is like a brother today (the rakhee has been duly sent to Baramulla) and we discuss spirituality. We avoid discussing his much desired Azadi and my love for an integrated India. Much in common yet a fundamental difference.

What unites us is our mutual respect for faith,intertwining cultures,love for the people and the land and prayers for peace.

We have also agreed upon one thing...Victory to the Righteous...words not spoken but implied. I only wish that this 'game' ends before leading to another 'Dharmyuddh'.

Language and Legacy

2009-07-23T18:52:00.014-04:00

Definition of Legacy : Something handed down from an ancestor or a predecessor or from the past
Definition of Heritage : Something immaterial, as a style or philosophy, that is passed from one generation to another

Is language just a means of communication or is it sometimes more?

Does it matter if things change if the things that are dying are the things which teach us life lessons and humility, tolerance and universal brotherhood?

If a beautiful animal, monument, climate are to be protected why should a language which teaches us co existence,reverence for all human beings and has solutions to ALL life questions be allowed to disappear?

Do we stop moving forward if something which is old but aids our movement, in the right direction is relied upon?

Do some basic instincts of nature and nurture and fundamental issues like peace, harmony, love, wisdom, healthy family and social life change with time?

Something of extreme value, which has been abused and perceived as defunct today(functionality unfortunately depends on the ability of 'X' to earn money and position today) should be thrown away without any second thought or reform?

I saw the Fatehpur Sikri and Taj Mahal and I wanted to preserve it.
I saw the Golden Temple and I was happy that it was restored after Operation Blue Star.
I saw the Bengal Tiger and I became a fan of the Save The Tiger Campaign
I visited the beautiful Goa churches and I hoped they would be well taken care of.
My favorite books are duly noted down in a list meant to be given to my children when they are of age.
I read/listened to a fraction of Geeta, Ved, Upanishads, the stories of our sages and I so badly want to pass it on to my children...all children...future generations of my country and the world.

Am I being silly? Am I fighting against the inevitable? I guess I am wishing for what many wished for and acted towards too. If not then, something which is as old as it is, would not have still been around. I am not talking about The National Language. I do not believe in having One National Language or some such title in a linguistically rich and diverse country. It is as symbolic and purposeless as having a National Bird/Animal/Flower, and this only ruffles many a feather and hurts many a fragile ego.

I am talking about preserving/protecting/promoting Sanskrit the language of our scriptures. (The understanding of the difference between forcing and promoting/preserving is assumed here.) The language which enshrines our intellectual and spiritual heritage. A language which is respected and revered by scholars world over and tragically garners diminishing interest within its own country of origin. Oh by the way did the 'practical' people tell what a waste of time and effort it was for the Jews to revive their dying language.(Hebrew has been revived as a literary language several times as a matter of fact)

I know many things die their natural death but don't we try to keep something alive as long as possible which is dear to us and nourishing. Case in point is seed banks. A beautiful tree or an essential food grain may die but we do save its seeds for our future generations. Do we not protect and make efforts to preserve Sanskrit and any other language which offers us valuable insight to our history, and which is responsible for our very essence? What we have taken for granted or for inherent 'Indianness' from Yoga and Ayurveda to the famous Indian Hospitality (Atithi Devobhava) is a legacy handed down to us. It makes us who we are. It should not be confused with the infamous and politically incorrect word 'Religion'. Its a Way of Life. An Indian way of life. And anything which is uniquely us, beautifully us, should be saved.

Every best-seller self-help books and those propounding some great philosophy contain ideas which are not new. It is a fraction of what is there in our scriptures. But then one ought to have seen and fallen in love with a Gulmohar Tree to want to save it somehow, for our children and grandchildren. We do our best to save our Grandmother's unique recipe and how easily we give up on these gems. For if you cannot read and understand how long will it be before it disappears? We are still lucky to have some great Teachers of Vedanta but for how long? If there is a general indifference and ridicule for the language, any language which is more than a means of functional communication it is the death of a culture, be it Bengali, Tamilian, Marathi, Indian Muslim. The smaller but essential arms of the Big Beautiful Indian Culture.

As fellow (American :)) blogger says "It saddens me that translations are taken to be the 100% pure meaning of the original text. :( Anytime something is translated, its original meaning is changed. That's why translators are listed after the author -- because they've colored the entire topic, intentionally or unintentionally."

Surely when things die, new ones will take their place. But the dying should leave a legacy, which the young are proud of. A heritage which nourishes them and humanity.

Pet Peeve Part II

2009-07-19T23:10:00.010-04:00

This particular peeve is something I have been guilty of, not too long ago. I realized my mistake and now cannot stop feeling sorry for those who continue to commit this folly. Someone truly said that little knowledge is dangerous. This applies to people who enjoy bashing the ancient Indian scriptures without truly understanding them. The pseudo-secularists, the born again feminists, students and faculty from the top Indian colleges who take pride in their Gender Studies Cells,the writers cum activists, the I-am-in-love-with-everything-western-and-hate-everything-Indian and every Tom,Dick and Harry who can pen a few words is guilty of it.

If you ask them their source, it is always second-hand...Internet(Oh My God!!), western authors, and some by misinformed Indian authors too. And since religion bashing is fashionable these days, you will win substantial popular support if you defame Rig Veda or Ramayan.

I am deeply respectful of all religions. I love little Ibrahim who goes to the mosque everyday and reads the Quran. I am in awe of little Praveen Thomas who attends Sunday School. I am proud of 6 year old Gouri who attends a Baal Sanskara Kendra and is already learning about the Geeta, the Vedas and Upanishads.

I am hurt by the way some of these scriptures have been misrepresented by some authors both Indian and Western. Bloggers too in the name of feminism and pseudo-secularism are doing such disservice. I wish they would be honest about their research and do their home work well.They quote these authors or one of the unauthentic websites and cry wolf. Recently I skimmed through a book titled Infinite Hindu Wisdom by a Faculty of a Respected US University and found it sadly lacking. It clearly showed a lack of understanding of the culture and philosophy. And how easily we rely on such books and such 'experts' for their two bits on our scriptures.

Sanskrit has been misinterpreted and many books contain sorry translations. Also because many of our Puraans are very symbolic in nature you either need the brains or to say the least an excellent Sanskrit teacher and Vedic scholar to understand the true meaning and the deeper philosophy.I am not in a position to defend each and every accusation not because of lack of evidence but because of limited knowledge ( I am still learning). But I would like to give some examples. Dr. Moore has written in some book quoting from some Ved say that "Prajapati ran after his daughter and raped her" He goes on to say that the Vedas are full of such disgusting things and people find it titillating hence they read these scriptures.
The Story: goes that Prajapati got angry with his daughter and ran after her.
The Real Meaning:This story actually teaches a political lesson. A lesson in democratic practices in fact. The 'daughter' is a reference to the King's Council of Ministers..his Rajyasabha..his Rajyasabha/Rajsatta is also his duhita(Sanskrit for daughter). The bhavarth is a lesson in democracy. It says that the leader of the Rajyasabha should not be from the the Royal household but an ordinary subject of the state ..only then can he be fair and just in his duties. It is the job of the Rajyasabha/Rajsatta to serve the Praja.

Shameful is the way Dr. Moore has translated it. I know I have not done a good job explaining because though I am comfortable with English, I found it an extremely difficult task to translate from the Hindi explanation of this Sanskrit Shlok into English. It only highlights how things get contorted out of shape.
And translations by people who begin with an agenda and are unfamiliar with the language,culture,history and philosophy can end only disastrously.

Similary the shlok Ahilyayee jarah indrah has been translated as Indra raped Ahilya...whereas the shlok simply and beautifully describes something as natural as a Sunrise!!!.

What is sad is that there are few to oppose these awful translations. Many who are followers of Sanatan Dharm are steeped into mindless ritualism rather than knowledge, devotion and action. Sankrit being viewed as a 'dead' language means we are fast losing the tool with which to dig further and deeper,hence becoming alienated from our culture and our history in the process.

Someone I was chatting with the other day, was ridiculing the Veda and saying that somewhere it is written that if you have a cold you should chant .."I do not have a cold"...something to this effect. I do not know the exact reference and hence cannot correctly comment on this literal translation. But what I found sad is that when a Doctor from John Hopkins or Harvard Medical School talks about the powers of positive thinking/prayers/meditation it does not seem so quaint and silly.

I understand that my peers,the young today are put off by the ritualism they see around them and also by the various malpractices which have crept in. But what is important to remember is that what is needed is reform and a revival of a study of these scriptures not ill informed bashing. Are we waiting for some Westerner to show us the power and brilliance of our scriptures, our shastras...yoga,ayurved,jyotish-shastra etc. etc. Will we believe in ourselves only then?

I wish those who consider themselves smarter than Adi Shankracharya,Ramkrishna,Swami Vivekanand,Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi,Pandurang Athvale Shatri...some of the great followers and teachers of Advait Vedant would be honest and wise enough and refrain from commenting on something they know very little about.

Pet Peeve Part 1

2009-07-13T22:52:00.005-04:00

I decided in favor of writing about my Pet Peeve. There are two big ones presently, hence this will be a 2 part blog. Since its a peeve there are extreme emotions involved here, namely anger....which strips this blog off some rationality and adds some prejudice. So the disclaimer is, that these are my emotions... and anyone who reads can agree or disagree. I like the average American who is very friendly and approachable albeit a little dumb. Its not about them.

I imagine that love for one's country is not a strange emotion or does it depend on the country your are residing in or a national of. I am an Indian National temporarily residing in the US thanks to hubby's job. He works for an Indian IT company. I wanted to get this fact out of the way because I hope it leaves less room for the possibility of double standards.

Over the course of my stay here I have met and formed friendships with many Indians. Indians who are so, by their birth but not by their choice since they have either acquired a US Citizenship or are in the process of doing so (desperately). I am OK with this so far. After all we are born into our families, nations and religions and we may want to cut off those ties at any time for a variety of reasons...money, lifestyle, lack of promising career opportunities....I repeat I am fine with all that. Each one to his own.

But what gets me a little red in the face not with embarrassment but with anger when I hear these Indians with American citizenship, people who have adopted a new country talk about India in such terms:

1. India is becoming just like US actually worse...the girls don't want to wear Indian dresses, they are disrespectful and 'fast'. They have forgotten their culture.

2. India mein kitnee gandgee hai ( India is very dirty). Don't know how people use the bathrooms when travelling in the trains.

3. Global warming is not a surprise. Have you seen what's happening in India...now Nano cars will only add to the poisonous emissions....so cheap, everybody will drive cars.

4. I want to go back but can never go back because my children fall sick in India.

5. I wanted to stay but the system stinks in India....corruption all around.

And so much more.........

My replies sometimes aloud and sometimes in my head only:

1. Yes things are changing and fast. But we still cannot compete against the likes of prom (high school grad party) culture here..where many parents actually give the money to book hotel rooms for post party revelry (read mostly sex,drugs and booze. We might follow suit but I fervently pray we don't. But such double standards I swear! I have seen people act in such impossibly cruel ways towards their children and aging parents all in the name of career,money or a piece of paper..GC or Citizenship. What kind of culture is that, may I ask? Oh yes it is TCBP... "The Culture of Being Practical"

2. Yes India bahut hi gandaa hai...the roads, the rivers...But hello! you live in a country which is the largest contributor of global warming however much it denies it and wants to pass this crown to China. Oh ! but you don't see it because they like to dump their trash in our oceans. And sell their toxic waste to our susceptible and greedy population. And of course abiding by the rules of 'Do Not Litter' is a new religion for you. A religion which takes back seat as you drive past the International airport in Mumbai and throw your boarding pass out of the car or spit with an abandonment on the road. And I find such discussions very offensive when my family and friends back home are travelling in those very trains you look down upon now.
And you are worried about the number of cars? Residing in a country which probably has more cars than people. Or are you feeling foolish that the upward mobility you left your country for is becoming the order of the day there. Not to worry,it will be a long time till we truly catch up.

4.. Children fall sick in India???????? Anybody would after travelling cross continent in a plane...a breeding ground for e-coli and stomach virus. And as if that was not enough the heat will certainly steal some of your American weather bred steam. And if all the life long allergies which are still unheard of, in hot and dirty India, do not faze you, why should a temporary bout of diarrhea leave you so frazzled.

5. System certainly stinks in India. Once it did not, many, many years ago. But then it does now, for the last many, many years.
In the US the system does not stink ( I am not sure the Iraqis, Afghans, Iranians and many not so obvious groups share the same high opinion though). But then systems were not free of reproach and left a bad taste in the mouth for the African slaves, for women who had no right to education and vote, for the native Americans who are now relegated to reservations. Things changed but not automatically. Someone or some people were willing to sweat and sacrifice.
Bana banaya pakwaan khaana bahut asaan hai. I hate so many things in India. But have I worked to change any of them? I am like so many others waiting for someone to do it for me. Then why complaint or complaint so much.

I am not blind to the chaos in my home but its my personal chaos.And once you choose another nation over mine..you lose some if not all of that right to criticize and publicly complaint.

From Ulhasnagar to Dadar and Back

2009-07-07T23:34:00.008-04:00

I am 'crazy happy busy' these days. Dad is here and I am a Daddy's girl. After a lot of cajoling he agreed to leave his painstakingly grown fruit trees, vegetable garden and numerous flowering shrubs behind and pay his only daughter a visit in the great US of A. Since these are my last few months in this country I was eager to show him around this Maha-Mayanagri of all Mayanagris. The weather is great and the weekends are flying by.We have visited the usual Desi 'Teerthsthaan'..Niagra.A trip to the beautiful wine country or also famously known as Finger Lakes region, and Lake George in upstate NY home to the Adirondack Mountains was a delight.

Just before my trip to Lake George I had hurriedly read my friend and classmate(from TISS) Ashwadhy's beautiful post on her experiences with a little boy inflicted with AIDS. This got me thinking about a weekend long time back. A weekend I will not forget and do not wish to. It has to do with another little boy. Such is the nature of our work, I guess. And here goes the story....

I was fresh out of boat...the boat being a protected environment of a strict all- girls-Grad-school-residence-hall of the top arts college in India. A small town girl I was suffering from panic attacks in a teeming and fast-paced city like Mumbai.I was there to do my post-graduation. I was tortured by the non-stop Mumbai rains. I was failing miserably in mastering the art of boarding and disembarking the Ambernath local safely and at the right station and at the right times. As a student in TISS I was expected to do 2 days of field work ..Mondays and Tuesdays every week. I had been assigned to a Government home for Boys in Ambernath. This home housed boys from the ages of 6 to 16 ...orphans, economically deprived and juvenile delinquents. And interacting with these boys was killing me.

My problem was that I was falling in love with so many of them. I could not fathom a life inside the dark and depressing confines of the Govt. Home.It broke my heart when after some months a 13 year old begged me to take him home. He whispered to me that he would cook,clean,mop.....anything that allowed him to stay with me. I was his road to the other side. And I knew I would fail him like so many others. And then I got assigned a task which the other 2 students accompanying me refused because it meant having to give up our precious weekend. I was supposed to escort a boy to a similar Govt. Home but for girls in Dadar. I was told he needed to meet someone there.

This boy was little in every sense ...9 years old or was he 8 ...he looked 6. That fateful Saturday I asked my then best friend and now husband a hard core IT guy, to accompany me...just because I have a pathetic sense of direction and wanted to prevent a search and rescue mission for me and the little boy who I was responsible for.
When I picked up the Little Boy(LB) he was freshly bathed, oiled and had taken a more than a casual effort to comb and dress up in his Govt. provided uniform. Minutes into our walk from the Govt home he asked to stop at a local Patel shop. He with the little money that he had bought some balloons(the unblown variety) and a few toffees. He did not have sufficient money for the little he bought and I paid the required amount. He was embarrassed about this and spent the rest of journey either in silence or thanking me profusely. All for Rs.10.

I had been told to keep a watchful eye on the LB and I too was suitably scared of either losing my ward or of him running away under my watch. He kept to himself throughout the journey and I wondered what occupied his little mind. Upon reaching Dadar his excitement was obvious. He walked ahead of us. And we had to almost run to keep up pace with him. When we reached the Home a formidable looking institution he seemed to be full of nervousness and an uneasy excitement. After completing all the required paperwork we waited patiently on a typical Govt. issued wooden bench. The LB was completely dwarfed sitting on it.

And then I knew 'she' was there. He jumped up and almost skipped, hopped and ran to 'her'. 'Her' being a Little Girl...smaller than the LB. Dressed in a white and blue uniform. Her hair oiled and in two high pigtails. My lips quivered and my throat hurt when I saw them hug....both refusing to let go.
'She' was his little sister. He handed the balloons and the toffees to her with so much love and tenderness, that I had to remind myself of how little the LB really was.As I tried to blink away my tears I smiled at the LG and told the LB that we would step out and be back when his allotted time was over. We walked out in silence. The silence unbroken as we aimlessly wandered, our minds trying to wrap around the cruel reality we had witnessed. From the corner of my eye I saw my best friend wipe away tears. How I willed for time to stop that day. How I prayed for a miracle. I begged God to not let me do this. I hated myself and everybody for having to go inside and tell this LB and the LG that their time was 'up'. I willed my mind to go numb and not see how the LB and and the LG kept turning back to look at each other. I wished to go blind when he went running to her as she started to cry assuring her of ...I don't know what. As we walked out I thought my heart would break...I do not dare think what the LB must have been feeling.

He was stoic in his silence. A LB with glassy eyes...eyes brimming with unshed tears. His hands clenching and unclenching.His brows creasing into a determined furrow. His jaw set in steely determination. I knew he was telling himself that one day he would be re-united with his only living family.His Little Sister.
Or was he fighting with his God?

That evening I begged (long-distance) my mom to take me away and marry me off to the first willing suitor. I begged God to take away my power to think and feel. I was mad at myself and at the world. At the injustice and the cruelty of it all. I cried myself to sleep that night and many more nights to come. I can still cry today when I think of them. My heart hurts and I worry about them.

I say a prayer tonight for them and hope that, so will you.

A Thank You Note

2009-07-01T23:55:00.015-04:00

Ever since I started blogging inspired by schoolmate and a brilliant writer Piper and the state of turmoil my home state J&K was this time around last year...its been a joy ride. I enjoy writing and see it as a release.I love to write about what really touches me the most. As I have said earlier it is also my way of leaving a legacy behind for my kids ...a way for them to know their mom better.

In the weekly lectures I attend, I am learning about the meaning of shloks from Ishavasya Upanishad. The particular mantra that is being dealt with talks about people who do 'sat karya and karm after gyaan without any desire for material or spiritual gains. They simply do it. Easier said than done. So me a mere mortal has my reasons for blogging, none of them for the Blog awards doing the rounds in blogosphere. BUT hey! its always a pleasure receiving them. My first was from Piper...not surprising since she has always been very encouraging and my only reader for many months :)
And today D has bestowed upon me besides a host of others and very generously so a few more of the not expected but always welcome awards.One for just being on her blogroll I Love Your Blog...wow no sweat at all for this one. Another for commenting Lovely Blogger but then I have an opinion on everything and its a pleasure to read her posts. These 2 are more love than awards and "back at ya" D :)
The award is for Blogging With a Purpose. And I appreciate it. Purpose or no Purpose the child in me delights at these pretty little attachments on the left side column of my blog.

I also must mention Bianca here who wrote a sweet note of appreciation. She is a mommy and the post on To Work or Not to Work struck a chord with her. Feed backs and personal stories make it more interesting..so thank you Bianca.

For me, Blogging has lead to a lot of gain and some pain. Also it has given me another sense of purpose. Not undermining the sense of purpose behind being a wife and mom...the hubby and the babies might not say it but I know I am an indispensable asset around here :)
I blog when the house sleeps (read the babies) which is waaaaaay past midnight and hence have to drag myself out of the bed early in the morning when my over energetic twosome make it their mission to wake me up.Getting up late lead to many missed sessions in the Gym which leads to the Gain-Pain saga...

1. GAIN: 10 lbs. and the exalted company of fellow bloggers and some blogosphere awards... so much more welcome than the excess pounds.

2. PAIN : The berry+flaxseed smoothie I gulp down now every night instead of baingan ka bharta and roti to lose the pounds I gained :(

I would love to pass on these awards but as hard pressed I am for time being a full time mommy with no help(America! my friends can be a lot of pain) I am not able to read as many blogs as I would like to.
I cannot dare give awards to Manju ji, Vinod ji, Poonam ji and Shantanu ji whose blogs I love. Piper was my inspiration so needless to say love the way she writes. I immensely enjoy reading D, Indyeah, IHM, Smitha, Rang Decor and all those on my blogroll. Feedbacks from all of you mean a lot to me especially Amrita,Sara, Renu ji, Manju ji, Vinod ji, Anrosh, Kislay, Ashwadhy,Destination Infinity,Nisha,Rupa.

I would like to give the Award of Blogging with a Purpose to Kislay and Child of Adam.They really make me think and I love the way they write. Please copy paste the award from my blog and put it up on yours if you care enough. Either which way is fine...I think both of you are brilliant though would like to see more from you Child of Adam.

Thanks D for the pat on the back. Thanks... all you people mentioned and missed( forgive an overworked-underpaid no make that unpaid mommy) ...so much.

To Work or Not to Work

2009-06-15T15:06:00.012-04:00

Kuputro Jayet kvachidapi Kumata na Bhavati
(A son might be bad but a mother never is)

I know of no mother who has not the best interest of her child at heart. How she goes about it could vary and sometimes be far from perfect. But her intentions can never be suspect.

I touch upon a taboo topic.I was afraid to do this post. I do not want to hurt anyone. I sincerely hope I won't. It is after all a very touchy topic of the New Age - To Work or Not To Work. For the mothers of course. Any kind of opinion can turn controversial and loved or hated by the two opposing thoughts.
Anyways this 'issue' came up (though its a in your face problem of modernism) when one of my friends put this on her status update on a popular social networking site....

" Y travelled on the school bus this morning and then in the noon again to check out the bus route...felt so envious as she watched Mommy's pick up kids from the bus and hug them tight... wish I was there for 'X' too when he gets off the bus each day..sweaty, tired, half asleep and full of stories... :-("

The comments that followed were definitely in nature of ..you are not alone, don't beat yourself about it, you are the best mom, you are doing a great job. All very true and well deserved. Out of the 12 comments only 2 dared to write that they dropped everything to do just 'that'..see their little ones talk and say their first word. Then there were 2 comments which got my goat.

One said " its not half as glamorous as it seems...... the hot sun, standing for like ages...... when you can do something more useful...... the kids also are not so happy everyday...... they would be grumpy & dump their bags on us...... believe me, its not as great as it looks!!!!!!

And another said "its the quality not the quantity of time you spend with your kids"

I am not here to judge either the working or the non working mother. I believe that just as we are our own best competition, we are our own best judge. But having said that I find the debate of glamorous vs. unglamorous and quantity vs. quality ridiculous.Its like saying I had the best meal ( read quality) in the world and yet since it was way too little I remained hungry. Or I had plenty to eat (read quantity) but the food was almost inedible. I will still remain hungry. How can we talk of either quantity or quality in isolation???? Isn't motherhood about BOTH!!! It is then for us to work out the right balance for ourselves and then live with our decision.
I spend the whole day with my kid. But all I do is put him in front of the idiot box or beat and abuse him...But hey!! I am a stay at home mom and I give the kid quantity.
And on the other hand as a working mom I spend 2 beautiful, productive hours everyday with my kid or a week in his 2 month long summer vacation and I am giving him quality. The kid is hungry in both the case scenarios. So how can it be either or or?? Go Figure for yourself I say!!

Glamour?? Looking for glamour (as we see around ourselves) in motherhood is like looking for the Masai Tribe in Iceland. Motherhood is about living in sweats, covered in baby spit, bad hair days, sleepless nights, dark circles and an increased pulse rate due to anxiety. A few extra pounds with little time to work on those once upon a time surfboard abs.It is about forgetting that there is a pretty woman behind the mother of all messes and chaos. Its about sweaty dirty fingers, wet kisses, meltdowns and more. You are on call for 24/7 all year around and for a lifetime.

This debate is becoming a reason for women to resent each other. The underlying seething emotion is palpable. Its like two warriors of the opposing camps sizing each other before going in for the kill. The working mom is fed up with the 'holier-than-thou' attitude of the stay-at-home mom. And the stay-at-home-mom considers the working mother selfish and self centric, a slave to objective happiness.

Who is right and who is wrong is not the point of my discussion today. I think the final loser is the woman herself be it from either club. I will not get started on what it does to the children and the family structure at large. Seriously, how does a woman who is juggling both a demanding career and family and another who is at home but questions her decision constantly do any good to anyone.

I have seen working moms riddled with immense guilt. They are physically and emotionally exhausted. Every mis-step their child may take, or his/her every failure as deemed by the society will rest upon her fragile shoulders. They will love her now since she brings in the moolah but will not hesitate to peck her at the faintest sniff of trouble. She dreams of giving it all up. Playing house, being a mom, being a woman with no strings attached. She cannot most of the times..for she might really need that extra money, or they have become used to the fringe benefits of a double income household. And also because it is certainly most difficult to give up on the dream of a career,and success as has been taught to her all through her growing years. When she was growing up all they told her was to study and work hard and get a respectable job which gets a good salary. They said her self esteem depended on it. Its not easy to break free. And yes, it does break her heart when she catches her child say a prayer to God "Please make my Mamma not go to work today".

I have seen stay-at-home moms emotionally and physically high-strung. She is of course doing the most challenging and important work ever. But no one tells her so. This work does not pay after all. She is often asked "Do you work?" She does not know whether to laugh or cry at this question. She is the anchor but still feels adrift. She is indispensable at what she does but no one makes her feel so. It is after all becoming the most taken-for-granted roles ever. She is either dismissed as a wannabe loser who never made it so stayed at home or someone who wasted her potential. She cannot shake off the sense of incompleteness. She feels depressed when people pity her or compare her to successful and earning counterparts.It breaks her when people say to her "Kuchh kaam kyun nahin kartee/ why don't you work?"

I have a sneaking suspicion that this is feminism in regression. We are in an illusion that we have more freedom than ever before. Maybe some of us do. But many still don't. And those who think they have it, are unaware or have forgotten what true freedom tastes like. It comes with no extra baggage. It brings peace. Not a sense of burden,doubt and guilt. It does not tire but rejuvenates.It spreads joy. It is not transient but stands the test of time.

Why is Modernization confused with Westernization?

2009-06-08T09:57:00.012-04:00

Why oh why? I have been plagued with this question for quite sometime now and reading Fareed Zakaria's book "POST AMERICAN WORLD" (wonder if that will ever be a reality in my lifetime) has me obsessing over this trend which is on the rise.

What we call modern is sometimes just western. This has spilled over in both the public and private spheres. From the way we think, to how we dress, and what we drink or eat. I am no loony irrational rightist. I love some of the old western values. But today when the western world is being governed by a bunch of evil bankers, it(or the part we interact with politically and economically and culturally) has been reduced to a born again East India Company.

We are becoming the mirror images of each other. And that other is a culture being forced onto us from Wall Street and Corporate Boardrooms. Its not a mass pop culture. I prefer to call it mass hypnosis.

Gone are the days of Rooh-Awzah,Dabur drinks,panna,etc.Its always much easier and cooler to slug down a Pepsi or Coke. Coca-Cola is single-handedly depleting our groundwater resources. In Plachimada and Mehdiganj it tried selling its solid and extremely toxic waste to the farmers as fertilizers. But oh its so not cool to drink the local nimbu soda. Hum modern hain bhai!!

I dread the time, we will have Walmarts in all our cities. Reliance Fresh is anyways a kick in the stomach for the local sabzi wala..a once upon a time proud and independent small businessman. But so desperate to copy our NRI cousins, we would rather take a cart and shop in a climate controlled superstore, than be found carrying a 'jhola'(a bio degradable commodity our parents happily reused) and sweating it out in a sabzi market. Each one has their own justified reasons. Ignorance and lack of foresight being amongst them. We think its rustic and not done to drink tea from a 'kulhad'(an earthenware tumbler which again is bio-degradable and supports small artisans. We prefer to clog our drains and poison our earth with plastic cups/bottles because the Gora Man does it. DOwn with the 'suraahi'.

We are having to fight patenting of our very own basmati seeds and turmeric. Thank God for the fact that atleast some of us are fighting it. God Bless their souls. If the New Age East India Company would have its way, we would lose the right over indigenously grown herbs,crops etc. Do we know or rather do we care? We just go on singing the song of globalization without understanding its full implications and oblivious to the real hand who controls it.
Rice Tec’s claim on Basmati rice is said to be the most audacious instance of ‘bio piracy’ by Western transnational corporations (TNCs).The Indian government has successfully contested in the United States the grant of a patent on the commercial use of the traditional medicinal properties of turmeric.Another well-known example of bio piracy is the patent on the herbicidal properties of the ‘neem’ tree. Reference:http://www.twnside.org.sg/title/basmati.htm
But heck, how does it matter if we have KFC,MacDonalds,Pizza Huts, in exchange of all this. Right? All in the name of modern and global?

The Saree industry is hit hard due to recession as well for other reasons for sometime now. The cheap Chinese imitations being one of them. Indian women still love sarees though wear it on some special occasions only...understandably so. But when we would rather wear a gown/or what have you, than drape a saree around us even when the moment demands it,(weddings,pujas) its baffling(to me). I am not sashaying in a saree all the time. But this growing trend of (celebrities in both national and international events) donning gowns is something I do not understand. Are we trying to prove something here? Are we saying that we become equals only when we talk,eat,dress,think alike? Personally I think Indian women look better in a saree versus a gown.What say you? Today evening I saw a 6 year old boy cycling,wearing the Muslim skull cap. He was just back from the mosque and he looked beautiful. He was who he is without having to conform to an accepted and popular but false ideal.

Hypnosis is leading us to imitate culture and the way we think. So I guess our school farewells will soon be called proms. The teenage parties will have condoms instead of candies. Oral sex will not be considered sex.The average age of sexual activity will be 14. Feminism too has become colored. I hate to dig skeletons out of the grave, but what was the Pink Chaddi Campaign all about? I have many friends who supported and celebrated the event but they could never defend their actions completely. I hate and condone what the Shiv Sena did but sending chaddis their way?? Its like a 2 year old spits at me and in anger and despite being an adult I spit back at him. Doesn't the illogicality of the approach and strategy of that campaign hit anyone? Are we copying the bra-burning movement of the 1960s which took place in America(which many historians say is a myth and no such thing ever took place. I am sure we gave some cheap thrills by sending pink chaddis, to whoever we sent them to. Calling ourselves pub-hopping,footloose and fancy free is a way of showing our emancipation?

We are 'The Modern Mother' who prides in the fact that our child does not say namaste or does the 'ancient'feet-touching-as-a-mark-of-respect-to-elders thing. I have taught him to say Hi or Hello and address elders by their last names like the 'Jones' do. "Hi Mr. Sharma, how are you today?" is more like it. We might change our mind though, if the Americans think namaste and touching feet, is the 'in' thing like Yoga and Indian Zoomba.

We prefer Eckhart Toole over Ishavasya Upanishad or Geeta(easier to read and who will bother with Sanskrit and the authentic translations when there is French and Spanish to master).Ballet sounds better than Bharatnatyam.Old age homes in the name of a fast changing and modern world. Spaghetti straps over dupattas. Grimm's fairy Tales is good but why give up Panchatantra completely? I come from an ethnic group which has lost its script. I know what that kind of loss feels like. Integration and assimilation is good but does it have to come at the cost of indigenous knowledge and skills and a certain way of life.How difficult is it to be modern and yet Indian?

Earn More and Give Back More

2009-05-31T21:49:00.008-04:00

Ambition, the desire to acquire wealth and material goodies and issues as these were on mind after reading Smitha's post titled "Thinking Big with Honesty". This post is about, some of what our scriptures say about wealth and material acquisition. Before I go ahead, I want to say that all my understanding (which is still very little) of Vedant comes from my Teacher.

I am aware, that Hinduism or Sanatan Dharma is probably one of the few philosophies or teachings where wealth is celebrated. We worship Lakshmi,the Goddess of wealth. Shree Suktam is one of the most beautiful and lyrical hymns where one invokes Lakshmi and asks for wealth. Our scriptures ask us not to hate the rich, be friends with our equals and have compassion for the poor.

So is Sanatan Dharm or Hinduism which is traced back to some 4000-5000 years ago blatantly pro-capitalist in nature? We do Lakshmi Puja during Diwali, but might be unaware of the fact that Vedic philosophy does not stop at approving the wealth generation but also lays down the code of conduct after acquiring that wealth. We have conveniently hung on to invoking God for ever increasing personal wealth, but have overlooked the qualities one should inculcate after amassing all that wealth. Therein lies the source of troubles that ail the society today. Hence it is not surprising that there are many in the world who live in abject poverty.

Ambition and a desire for the worldly goods takes on a darker color when we become a slave to our worldly possessions and also when we sacrifice the core values and barter our souls in exchange for money,power,fame,career.......Our scriptures say that wealth if used correctly can be a tremendous social force. I guess the same applies for power and fame amongst other things.

Our Scriptures have distinguished between ,Alakshmi,Vitt,Dhanlakshmi,Mahalakshmi.

Alakshmi: To simply put, wealth spent for wrong things.

Vitt: Wealth spent on oneself.

Dhanlakshmi: Wealth spent on someone else.

Mahalakshmi: Wealth spent for God's work.( This does not mean money spent in building ostentatious temples though. More like helping a needy family, but minus the unequal equation between giver(superior)-receiver(inferior).

It is said that when wealth is spent on God's work or given back to the society generously, the money stays in the family for generations. One example is the Raghuvansh Dynasty.

Shlok:

Tam M aavah jatvedo lakshmimanapgaminim
Yasyam Hiranyam Vindeyam Gamashvam Purushanham

Roughly and Literally Translated: Hey Jatvedas, I want to own a golden cow, horse and great friends, so grant me indestructible wealth.

Having siad that Shlok I must add that great wealth and power come with great responsibility. Owning upto the responsibility is what our scriptures ask of us. We maybe forgiven for our sins but we are always responsible for our actions. Wealth sans responsibility cannot become a positive social force.

I ask for wealth for all those who will spend it wisely and judiciously and worship it and treat it as Dhanlakshmi and Mahalakshmi.

Goodbyes and Heartaches

2009-05-26T18:12:00.005-04:00

I am depressed. I am woebegone. I am moping and also convinced I will be rendered -unable to function. All this and more once my neighbor and friend leaves for India (for good) in 6 days.

I have been blessed with great neighbors and great friends. I have already said my farewell to two really close friends and now this one. She is my next door neighbor. My support system in a foreign land. My Two year old thinks, she is her second mommy or something close. Without an extended family to fall back upon and grandmas and aunts to fuss over you, not surprising. Six long months of winter (when being inside the apartment is not a choice but a compulsion) were never so tedious after all, thanks to the 'padosis'. We carved a 'Little India' in our corner of the apartment building, with kids running around and playing house during the long winter months. From babysitting each others kids to a 24/7 supply of onion/tomato/sugar/flour, its been a great journey. We have sneaked in the occasional movie or dinner with the hubby thanks to taking turns to look after each other's kids. Such bonding makes for a hell of a joyride but becomes a sea of pain when the time comes to bid adeiu.

So I walk around with a heavy heart and nothing anyone says or does seems to make a difference right now. My two year old senses something and is already prone to unexplainable temper tantrums and long crying spells. The four year old will have a somewhat lonely summer without one of his best friends. My only consolation being that I am to follow suit and head back home in some more months. But undeniably it is the end of a journey for now.

Cheers to such neighbors and friends !!(to the 2 special ones too, who left already). My friend is a Mumbaikar (Maharashtrian) and I as North Indian as they come (hailing from Jammu and Kashmir)...so here's to the Shiv Sena Brigade and the Regional Fanatics : Eat Your Hearts Out!!!!

The Day the Americans wanted to know us Better

2009-05-21T21:29:00.014-04:00

I had mentioned earlier in my Post titled "Uthishta Bharata" that I was due to give a presentation in my son's pre-school about India and the Indian culture. This was a part of an exercise by the Director of the school to bridge the cultural gap and equip themselves with skills to better deal with children of the Indian origin. I was asked to do the honors and I was more than happy, public speaking being something I love and India and the Indian culture being one of my favorite topics.

Some of the questions that came up were:

1. Americans:What is the meaning of the mark on the forhead?
Me: To myself: I think I know the answer thanks to the spiritual literature I am reading.
To Them : The mark is applied by the Indians who follow Hinduism (a name given by the Western scholars)or Sanatan Dharma ( Eternal Law/Eternal teachings). It is done for aesthetic purposes too. But the religious and cultural connotation being that it celebrates the power of the mind. It is our mind which explores all that is good in us and stifles the evil. Immense power lies within it and hence after we worship the creator we worship that mind which will lead us to him. .
Honestly, followed by (mostly) blank looks.

2. Why do many people of the Indian origin eat with their hands?
Me: To Myself: I would rather not eat, than eat Rajma Chawal with a spoon and I am sure my South Indian sister feels the same for Dosa-chutney...
To Them: An elaborate process of cleaning up which includes hands and sometimes feet and face too(remember:"haath munh dho kar khane baitho")precedes our eating. Our food is such that we cannot possibly eat with a spoon/fork/knife. You would not think of eating a Pizza or a Burger with a a fork or spoon
Followed by laughter!

3.Are there any foods you do not eat and why?
Me: To Myself: Beef.Gai Humari Maata hai!!Why else?
To Them: Many Indian Hindus are vegetarians (they do not believe in killing animals for food) and almost all of them do not eat beef. We consider the cow a sacred animal (amongst a host of other things) since it is the source of the most nourishing food(which is actually for its young one)and hence we have given the animal an elevated status and no Hindu will be found killing or eating a cow. I understand the Indian Muslims do not eat Pork.
Followed by "you are crazy to give up steak and ham " kind of looks!!!

4.Why do Indians celebrate birthday parties with the cake first?
Me:To Myself: Another example of aping the west. Why, oh why the tradition of offering prayers, seeking blessings from elders etc is replaced by one upmanship birthday parties. The kids sometimes more concerned with the gifts they receive and the return gifts they will take back home.
To Them: Cutting the cake is not part of our culture, we adopted it from the west and took the liberty of changing it to suit our needs. We eat sweets on any special or joyous occassions hence we eat the cake first???? Maybe?
Followed by Hmmmmmmmmms!!

5. In childcare we the satff strive to make the children independent and self- sufficient. Does this conflict with your cultural beliefs?
Me: To Myself: You will be doing us a favor.
To them: Exactly that.."You would be doing us a favor" we appreciate the efforts you take to make our children independent. Gone are the days of extended families and extended childhoods... being pampered by grandparents and aunts and uncles. In a situation where nuclear families and working moms are the norm, the children need to grow up fast and be independent. So the culture is changing and hence needs to be follwed by relevant practices too.
Follwed by smug satisfied looks.

6. Do extended family live with you?
Me : To Myself: I know so many who are scared to move back because of their extended families and so many, who want to move back for the very same reason.
To Them: Extended families was the way we were. It is fast changing because of the economy. People have to move away from their towns and cities and country in pursuit of career/money/what have you... But when the parents get too old or sick to take care of themselves it is understood that they will move in with their children. This is the usual practice and one cannot easily get away with something otherwise. This accounts for less old age homes and less societal acceptance of such instituions. (Thank God!)
Followed by Admiration and "I wish I could say the same for our family value system"(especially by the elderly staff)kinda looks

7.If a child is able to walk- why do you carry them?
Me: To Myself: Hmmm why do we do that? Is it just that we are a very loving people and amotionally expressive? Not really when you come to think of it.
To Them: Not sure about this one. Maybe because the Day-Care thing is a relatively new concept for us and the Indian mother is still struggling with a lot of guilt about it.Guilt and motherhood go hand in hand.
Followed by "we can so relate " response.

8. Please explain jewllery and its traditions - e.g. a gold chain around the waist of a little boy. Also there was aboy who wore ear-rings for just a few weeks and then didn'twear them again.
Me: To Myself: We today do many things merely as rituals , not knowing or bothering to find out why we do it. But everyhting had a reason which may have been contorted beyond recognition.
To Them: This is my understanding in the Indian culture which dates back to pre-historic times emphasizes upon the connection between metals/peircings(which is related to accupressure) and good health or healing. We also are believers of Astrology and the influence of various stones on our well being. Many things like threads around our waist and vermillion on our hair-parting are symbolic in nature.
Follwed by very interested queries. Many wanted to know wether they shoud wear a moonstone or a topaz....I was like Whoa!!! wait a minute I can't help you there...you need to see some expert.Having said that the image of crude ads of Bangali Baba as seen from the trains flooded my mind. :)

9. Please explain "oils"that are used in the children's hair.
Me: To Myself: LOL I am sure the mustard/sesame/coconut oil fumes must be making them dizzy.
To Them: We believe in natural organic products (this organic word sells like hot cakes here)The oils have been proven to be good for healthy lustrous hair besides having a cooling/warming effect. I personally have kept friday nights as the 'oiling night' when I liberally oil my children's hair and shampoo it the next morning. Is it a wonder that India is the biggest exporter of natural hair and the US the biggest importer. The Indian hair is considered the best in the world and is used for wigs.
Followed by laughter and questions on natural beauty care products.

10. What is the discipline used for children?
Me: To Myself:You really don't want to know. We think of innovative ways to threaten,scare, coerce and traumatize(unknowingly) our children. We ourselves are products of childhood 'pitai'..the occassional thrashings and many a spankings.We have masterd the art of covertly pinching our children in public places where we fear recrimination esp. in the US. God forgive me for the blatant lies I told that day.
To them:We do the usual thing like 'time-outs' and taking away priveleges or TV time etc. We also resort to the occassional spanking.
Followed by approving looks.

11. As raising a girl versus raising a boy...dating marriage...
Me: To Myself: Girls are over-protected and boys over-coveted. Though I thoroughly dislike the over exposure in the US which leads to sexual maturity and sexual activity at an obscenely young age followed by increasing percentage of teen pregnancies.
To Them: We are generally more protective of our girls.Marriages mostly arranged and the love marriages are also mostly eventually arranged and paid for by the parents. Marriage is between two families rather than between two individuals.Dating is a big no-no for teenagers and anything of that sort will have to be done in clandestine.Divorce rates are low inspite of these practices or maybe because of these practices.
Followed by queries on the state of happiness of the women.

12. What do the children like playing with?
Me: To Myself: Are you kidding me?
To Them: Are you serious? They love the same things as an American child would. Blocks, puzzles, cars, dolls,legos,balls......
Followed by sheepish looks.

13. Is it ok to shake hands with the Indians?
Me: To Myself: I am ok with shaking hands but distinctly uncomfortable with the peck on the cheek. I could happily do without it.
To Them: Namste with folded hands is our traditional way to greet each other. Though we may not refuse a proferred hand, many women ( esp. those not working)might be uncomfortable shaking hands with a man.(actually I am more ill at ease while shaking hands with an Indian Man..I am like why does he need to do that?)
I added that it was a better way to greet consdiering the times we are living in ..swine flu, bird flu etc etc etc.
Followed by the very very germophobic Americans' whole hearted agreement. They left the room practicing the Namaste.

All in all it was a great evening. They loved my collection of bangles and my baluchari saree. They liked the fact that my family does the evening prayer together. They tsked-tsked about the undue academic pressure on the Indian children, as did I, though appreciated the parental involvement.Their jaws dropped at the number of languages we have and the thousands of unaccounted for dialects. The many religions and the regional variations.They enjoyed the samosas, the kadhai paneer and the chicken tikka(we had an Indian dinner). I came home happy with a pot of daisies and sent them pleased with a hand painted clay diya.

Uthishta Bharata

2009-05-14T13:34:00.023-04:00

I dreamt of Chanakya last night. Not surprising since he is one of my favorite histroical figures. Also because I believe in Chanakya's dream. The dream of Akhand Bharat..United India.

I got a rude jolt when I read Nita's post titled "Kashmir through the eyes of a Kashmiri" lead there by Kislay's brilliant post "The Idea of a Nation". I was shocked by the comments on Nita's blog and I seriously thought I must have been sleeping when Diversity and Patriotism went out of fashion. Or maybe as Kislay says there is a Patriotic gene which I deinitely have inherited in plenty. I am also exuberantly optimistic as far as my country goes. I consider myself a global citizen but identify myself as an Indian first, then a Dogra from Jammu and Kashmir, who married a Bihari and has an Oriya sister-in-law. I have friends from Kerela, AP, TN, Rajasthan, WB, Maharashtra, Goa,Meghalaya, Manipur, Sikkim, UP,...Hindus, Muslims,Christians,and Buddhists

My immediate reaction to the particular post was anger.Kislay's post took away some of the hurt but I was mad enough to write a post which was reactionary and almost incoherent. Sanity returned and I deleted it with a promise of a post written in a better frame of mind. So here it is:

I am dismayed by the secessionist remarks but I believe everyone is entitled to an opinion. Though this kind of entitlement taken too far can be very dangerous, because not only does it threaten Nation Building efforts but also the World Peace at large. Primarily because if diversity is the issue, we are doomed. What and who is similar in absolute terms...thoughts, actions, language, orientation, religious practices, color, race, physical attributes etc.? Those who claim that any community is united because of a common geographical boundary,language,food,religion,way of dressing etc. are not being completely honest. There are divisons and sub-divisons and then further divisions based on the most inane of things.

Fair enough that as a Mumbaikar who in most liklihood migrated to the city from Tuljhapur, Ratnagiri or Aurangabad and earlier never faced the troubles of fast worsening problems of overcrowding and crumbling infratructure, the 'outsider' be it a 'bhaiya' from Jaunpur or Saharsa is the easiest punching bag. I would be angry too after battling through an Andheri or Virar Local. I would be very angry when I have to get up at 5 a.m to fill water because there will be no water supply during the rest of the day. I would be angrier still because my childern have no parks to go to. I might also feel threatened when I see huge crowds thronging Juhu beach during "Chhat" (a Bihari/U.P festival which celebrates the Sun God). But does the solution lie in thrashing the Bhaiya who moved from his village because his children were dying from hunger. Unlike the many Indians who move to the US or elsewhere desiring a better life, this Bhaiyaji was merely trying to survive.

As a Tamilian I might be furious at having to accept Hindi as my National Language. Tamil Nadu being a land of the great Sangam Literature. It is most likely that the question,that on what grounds was Hindi chosen over a rich language like Tamil will perhaps always remain in a Tamilian's mind. Personally I would choose Sanskrit as a National Language any day. But I was not asked and I am not a political player or an actvist citizen as yet (by my own choice) who can color and influence such decisions.So who am I to complaint?

As a Dogra, a Hindu from J&K who believes that my people have been caught in the crossfire between the Kashmiri Pandits and the Kashmiri Muslims (all the dirty politics included),I am very mad. I am sure the Ladakhis, Gujjars, Bakerwaals, Paharis, Poonchis etc are also not happy. There are more players than just Kashmiri Pundits and Kashmiri Muslims of which the country at large seems to be unaware of.
As a Dogra again, who speaks Dogri I have lived my life with a sense of identity crisis which is not amusing. I have not met any Indian, in India or abroad barring a few ( I could count them on my fingers) who are aware of the Dogra identity. I can relate to what many of the isloated North East Indians from Meghalaya, Manipur, Arunachal Pradesh, Nagaland might feel.
Growing up,I travelled all over the country and my family never found another person who spoke our language. We just integrated versus assimilated with other similar regional, linguistic groups. We picked up many Indian languages, mouth watering recipes and a rich variety of textiles in the process. And yes it has never shaken my faith in India.

As an Indian I might be angry at the Bihari who excels in all the premier institutes...IIT, IIM the UPSC Exams but fails to take responsibility for Bihar. I am angry at the apathy and denial I see in Bihar. I am also angry at Maharashtrians who believe they own Mumbai and are a united force against the North Indians, whatever that really means.I have best friends who are Maharashtrians who complaint and tell tales of strained relationships between the orthodox Maharashtrian Brahmins and the lower castes. They get along better with their North, South, East Indian friends versus a stuck up Konkanasth Brahman. I am angry with the auto driver in Chennai or Bangalore who understands Hindi or English but pretends not to. It pains me to see my fellow contrymen from the South who think the North Indians are a roudy, uncouth lot. And it also pains me to see North Indians who make harsh judgements about the South Indians. The Bengali who sings only 'Amar Shonar Bangla' , 'Mera Bharat Mahaan' being conspicuously absent.

But these are aberrations which will probably remain. And I think and fervently pray that such people are also few and far in between.They are a result of divisive state politics, upbringing,misplaced anger, lack of vision and corrective action and more. It is also a result of talking of only RIGHTS and not RESPONSIBILITY.I will not waste my time in talking about the fact that such diferences are a universal phenonmena. The only variable factor being the degree and nature of differences.

I feel sorry for a thought process which measures the value of a state and a people by its functionality,productivity,and usefulness. I am referring to some arguments supporting 'cutting off' the BIMARU States, NE, Kashmir...Where such a reasoning exists, is it a surprise that we see the rise of old age homes, increasing divorce rates and an over all crumbling of the social institutions all in the name of being "practical".I view my country as my extended family. I may complaint,differ,hate dislike somethings/someone... but a break up is unthinkable.

We are a nation in its infancy.As a realist I know things are not perfect. In fact far from it. But what is not perfect is not what we just throw away. And I heard this somewhere and I think it is equally important to remember that perfection could be very different from what we imagine it to be.

Finally I thankfully have seen more who identify themselves as an Indian first and anything else later. "Desi" is the umberella under which the Indians from different parts of India happily huddle under, atleast in the part of US I am temporarily residing in.

I must tell you a little story. I am giving a presentation in my 4 year old's pre-school on India, its family and education system, cultural and religious beliefs. This is to help the American teachers better handle the Indian child who eats with his hands, sleeps with his parents and liberally oils his hair irrespective of his region, language and faith. My son's teacher was flabbergasted that the 3 Indian students in her class, spoke different languages. As a matter of fact their cuisines differ too. One speaking Gujrati, the other Marathi and mine being exposed to Dogri, Hindi, Bhojpuri and Maghi/Magadhi. She was amazed that we had 18 official languages and God knows how many dialects. She said to me: "If this was the case in America, we would not be able to functional at all". I have no words to describe the pride I felt in my people and my country which is so fresh out of a foreign rule which systematically and deliberately broke our faith and pride in our religion,culture and nation. The country will slowly and surely emerge from the shadow of its past.The cycle of ups and downs is never ending but the faith, 'vichaar'(thought) and 'kriti'(action) towards One Nation should remain intact.

One should certainly not create a nation on the basis of faith.But I know for one, that faith and culture teach the lesson of loyalty to one's motherland.

I renew my commitment to my country. I also realize that there is a need for more action than talk. The differences therein are more imagined than real and the so professed similarities fragile. Let these words resonate within us and spur us to action: Rise India Rise!!!

I say this prayer:

Samani va akuti samana hridyani va
smanmastu vo mano yatha va sushaasati

(Roughly translated: May our thinking, vision and hearts become one, and this one is true, divine and beautiful.)

In the end I leave you with one of my favorite clips from Chanakya. Please do visit it at(since I am unable to load it for some reason) :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPOygiEpE4I

Matree Devobhava

2009-05-10T23:11:00.010-04:00

Well, hubby and I are no big fans of "Days" like Valentine's Day, Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Friendship Day..............days galore which are over commercialized are not our cup of tea. Simply because as Indians and very importantly as followers of Vedic Philosophy, we value our relationships with friends,parents,spouse etc. and strive everyday in both big and small ways to strengthen these bonds. We sincerely thank God for all our loved ones. My son during the Sayen' Prarthana (evening prayer) says his 8 'Bodhvachan', of which one is "Matreedevo Bhava". Loosely translated it means "Respect your mother because she is just like God". Personally this particular bodhvachan reminds me of my position of power and immense responsibility.

Our Family principles aside I have to talk about my 2 tiny tots. Since this blog is primarily a legacy for my children... I believe they will know what their mother was like in her 20s, 30s and 40s............There are photographs to show them what I looked like and these blogs to help them take a peek into their Ma's mind.

Since we are temporarily stationed in the US where Mother's days is a big thing we did what the locals do.."Jaisa desh waisa bhesh". My 2 yr. old daughter attends a 45 mins. story time and craft session in the local library. No points for guessing that this week her craft was a Mothers Day card. I did most of the cutting,and pasting and she did the scribbling (cannot define it as coloring) on the card with crayons. After our combined efforts she turned around and handed me the card shouting happily "Happy Birthday"!!!The one event she most associates with cards and gifts.

My 4 year old son attends a pre-school and the Mother's day craft was a big thing there for the past several weeks. There was a lot of secrecy involved. He finally walked home on Friday with a little square package wrapped in purple paper, adorned with paper flowers and gay ribbons. With a stern look on his face, he told me I could not open it till Sunday. Early Sunday morning he excitedly and with some trepidation gave me permission to unwrap the precious package. He waited with baited breath and a little finger in his mouth as I opened my gift. His anxiety and the gift both took my breath away. It is a small square cardboard, with his hand print in blue, with little yellow and orange flowers stuck around the border. There is also a poem by Mia Pinson Roylco which brought me to tears. Read On:

A Child's Hands

Tiny fingerprints on the wall
A broken window from a bouncing ball
A bandage wrapped around a thumb
Fingers sticky from bubblegum

Flowers clutched in a tiny hand
Castles built from playground sand
A cup of milk spilled on the floor
A crayon masterpiece on the the door

A soft caress on Mommy's cheek
A baby's game of hide and seek
A hug in daddy's arms, "So tight!"
A story-time snuggle in bed each night

Although for now my hands are small
Someday soon, I'll grow quite tall
So hold me close another day
And cherish all I do and say!

Needless to say there followed a round of hugs and kisses after this. A heartfelt thanks to his teachers. Mothers day or no Mothers day I love this gift and will forever cherish it. I plan to frame it and put it up where I can look at it everyday, to remind me of the fact that my babies are growing up .....way too fast!

IT Wife

2009-05-05T18:05:00.008-04:00

Comic relief... written sometime back :

This blog is dedicated to all the IT wives. I speak herein for all the IT wives whose husbands are employed by Indian IT companies. All the other wives whose husbands are elsewhere employed but who share a similar predicament, my sympathies, but I speak here for what I surely know.
I am certain that an IT wife (hubby into programming or into the business side of IT) is such a phenomena that it will soon enjoy a definition for itself in the English dictionary.

I am no wordsmith but my guess is the definition would be something like this:"a woman who is married but enjoys? the life of a single woman, who is a mother who has perfected the art of single-handedly raising her children with the father making an appearance after sunset and usually leaving before sunrise, an excellent communicator who manages to work on and take a decision on critical family decisions in consultation with her husband ...amazingly these discussions will be over the phone while he is commuting or eating if he decided to eat that day and his side of the conversation will be restricted to "is it urgent,..hmm...hmm...yes...no..yes ok...what???..why??? ..the last startled whats and whys if money is involved. An IT wife - a married woman who keeps the institution of marriage going strong despite severe emotional and physical deprivation.(For all those naive people who think I mean lack of nutrition when I say "physical" please be rest assured I am well fed and in fact have to work hard to stay at my goal weight....physical as in hugs, proximity etc. etc. etc.)

I think the definition is a tad bit too long but I guess you get the not so pretty picture. Here I must say that before you condemn the husband, well,he is not to be blamed for trying to make an honest living. There are things that cannot be rested on his already over burdened shoulders like the changing economy, difference in the time zones, for e.g. he cannot avoid making those calls to Bangalore at 11:30 P.M US time, everyday for the last year and a half to be exact...so however seductive a picture you make lounging in bed in whatever...please don't even try ,you only succeed in increasing his frustration and deflating your ego...he cannot tell an entire 12 people team sitting in Bangalore to take a hike and come running to you. Lata ji crooning "Baahon mein chale aoo"........Does not work people !!! In fact is rendered completely useless if bahoon mein there is a kid or two.

He does love his wife and kids and when you complaint and make him feel guilty by reminding him of what he is missing there are chances you will witness either

1. A childishly funny (only in retrospect) outburst of "what can I do ""tell me what to do? "For which you have no answers obviously, so you equally childishly may go hunting for things way back in the past where he was clearly wrong and after endless arguing which is needless to say a total waste of time and energy in a crunch for time scenario. After endless tears on your part,he will apologise,... for what you ask? well by this time the reason as well as the cause for this fight will be lost in a labyrinth of unspoken words, and unsatiated feelings. My take on this scene is and my explanation for why I get into such scenes with such a predictable regularity is .....that at least for that time period I have his undivided attention... I have him for myself... Self destructive I know but aren't we all?

2. The second possible scenario will be him sighing loud enough to be heard by the neighbors and looking soulfully into your eyes and saying "I know.I know, I am frustrated too. Then he will get charged up and say "I have to change something".."I have to do something" ..this lasts only till the next call comes ...from Bangalore..where else? He goes to work with a heartbreaking resignation and you go back to your "Better Homes and Gardens" or whatever you were reading blaming yourself for adding on to his sorrows. This looks like a better alternative as compared to the first volatile scene I wrote above...but my dear ignorant friends this is an uneasy calm ...a lull before the impending storm.

I have to mention here an incident where one of the husband's seniors who is a female and obviously a working woman ,said after hearing me and another "IT Wife" crib about our respective husbands...:"good at least I do not have the time to complaint because of work and neither does my husband" Well I was not smart enough or rude enough to answer her back there and then but I later thought how good it could be for her, if the partners were not bothered about time less spent with each other, not upset about not being able to cuddle and chat into the wee hours, frustrated about not being able to do fun things ...watch a movie together, spending lazy weekends doing nothing but enjoying each other's company......Just Being....... Together....

Anyways (sigh)... some of the funny side effects of being an IT Wife....

1. You develop an insane jealousy of all the innocent couples who walk hand in hand at 7 p.m while you push one crying kid in the stroller, at the same time trying to save the other who is cycling away at a breakneck speed, bent upon self annihilation.Admittedly he takes that from the mother.

2. You spend precious energy and the already depleting brain power wondering where do the guys work and what they do for a living who you see walking/driving home at 6 p.m.

3. You have difficulty recognizing your husband if he comes home before sunset...you actually panic and wildly wonder whether he lost his job or the company went bust..

4. You spend many a days looking at the mirror finding reasons and blaming yourself for the waning chemistry...this changes immediately if any... even a sorry excuse for a man hits on you then you breathing a sigh of relief shift the blame once again on the husband, his job, kids etc etc etc.

5.The lack of romance makes you nostalgic for the long forgotten and defunct Mills and Boons novels.

6. You have trouble explaining to your Mother in Law that something you had to inform her about, after talking to her beloved son can happen only on the weekend...for that is when it is most likely that you will speak to him for half an hour at a stretch.

7. It is ironic that you refused the madly-in-love-with-you guy from your school because he was studying to become a doctor and because you believed that you could not cope with a Doctor's erratic working hours.

8. You know your husband is overworked when he wakes you up in the middle of the night with his sleep talking about some project escalation and while half asleep shushes your crying baby addressing her as Manoj??.....someone from the Bangalore team!!

9. The measure of how bad things really are, is when he tells his about-to pop-nine months pregnant wife if she could possibly go into labor after his really critical bid/presentation.

10. And finally you do not know whether to laugh or cry every time you see the monogrammed wall clock your husband brought home ..his reward for long and faultless service to the company.

Helpful Tip: Let some steam off at regular intervals.What works for me is pretending I am at a Jon Bon Jovi concert and hence follows an intense head banging, prancing around and your regular strumming the pretend guitar.

Warning: Please close the windows and pull the blind and put on the music and if possible avoid onlookers at all costs, before you decide to act upon my suggestion. Viewer discretion is strictly advised because witnessing this strange what shall I call it number/act/dance therapy/ancient wife stress buster ritual?... can be pretty traumatising.I have done this with the music playing only in my head ( I am really good at this but its a complete no, no since it makes everything scarier) and have risked being straitjacketed and sent off to a mental institution.

So I end with my empathy for all the IT Wives, ...you are not alone girl...and my best wishes for the future IT Wives ...Be Strong Sister.

The Challenge Lies Within

2009-05-02T02:42:00.002-04:00

The God and the Devil, the Good and the Evil, all reside within. How easily we are shaken. How easily duped. How easily the ground beneath our feet shifts. I cannot speak for others but this holds true for me.

I am working on moving in the right direction. But it is not easy. In the two things to understand and fulfill one's purpose in life amongst a host of other things is self-evolution and doing something absolutely selflessly. Absolutely selflessly is important because we do not want to position ourselves on a high moral ground after the act. Self-evolution is a work in progress. It needs years of practice and maybe will take lifetimes for me to conquer.

Case A: This past one week I have swayed. I have had doubts. My faith has been shaken. I am guilty but not overly troubled because I think I need tests at regular intervals to make me stronger. I had family visiting last week. They were here for just 4 days. The y are loving and the best realatives one could possibly have but they are also the kind of people who love good things in life. Who doesn't? They believe that a person is defined by the things they own and the things they achieve. The appearance, lifestyle, material success as in position, pay package, awards, titles make a person. They spent hours trying to a buy a couple of jackets for themselves, sweating it out so as not to be outdone by anyone in their community. They bought thousand of dollars worth of electronics not because they really needed it but because a couple of people they knew posessed the same. Everything they did was not done for true personal pleasure. The pleasure was lost in the race of outshining, out competing everyone. Although they do not know that as of now.

By the end of their shopping spree and their advise of how we should own some 'really good/best' things in life. Best is such a relative term. I really don't know what that means. They egged us on to attain, achieve and acquire more. All in material terms. By the end of their shopping spree, I began thinking my black woollen jacket which is perfectly fine actually was lacking somehow. I was suddenly very aware of the things I own, what I wore etc etc etc. I mentioned this to my husband who immediately got peeved at my 'weak-heartedness'. Though later he sheepishly mentioned that all the gadget buying tempted him to think of buying some for himself too.

Case B: Thanks to the social networking sites I re-connected with a couple of college friends who I intend to meet sometime in the coming weeks. While talking to them, I was not sure how I felt when answering the question "what did you do or what have you been doing?" Because I guess today it does not matter if you loved and married and had children. I have a sneaking suspicion that amounts to nothing. And considering that I excelled academically makes it even more bewildering to others and sometimes to me too. Today I also found out through a social networking site yet again, that one of the classmates has been promoted and is re-locating to Geneva. Since I outperformed all of them in college, I cannot deny the seeds of self doubts sprouting within about all the decisions I have taken so far. I suddenly found myself lacking and inadequate.

So (sigh, a loud resounding sigh) both the case scenarios prove three things.

1. Regular 'Swadhyaya' is an absolute must to stay focused. Swadhyaya defined as study of true inner self and respect to others while remaining dedicated to the highest ideals and goals. Upanishads and Geeta all advise regular Swadhyaya.

2. One needs to keep the right company. Like minded individuals must be there to fall back upon when we might need to clear our heads after such incidents.

3. I have been practicing Swadhyaya for 3 plus years now. With some level of understanding only for the last one year and still I falter and am not completely sure-footed. So practice, practice, practice, I must.

The God and the Devil, the Good and the Evil reside within me. The power to choose between the two, also lies with me. So choose wisely I must. And endeavor for the right balance of knowledge, feelings and actions.

The Underbelly Part 2

2009-04-23T23:31:00.002-04:00

As a couple of months went by the horror and tragedy of the impact and the consequences of sexual slavery became clearer to me. The assumptions and beliefs I previously held about the women in prostitution altered dramatically.

Lets tackle the obvious questions anyone would have who is not familiar with the issue of sex trafficking.

How many are really forced/tricked into this form of slavery?

To my best knowledge almost all of them are in some way or the other duped or coerced into prostitution. In the 2.5 years of my field work I did not come across a single woman who willingly chose this line of 'work'. If I could do justice in describing the degrading and appalling conditions they live in all doubts would be erased. Well the ones whom you can say get into prostitution willingly are usually the daughters of the women in prostitution(I will call them WIP). But they join this 'profession' not because of its prospects but because of a total lack of alternatives.
I remember an 8 yr. old girl, a daughter of a WIP, telling me that she wanted to be a Gharwali (the madam or the brothel keeper) when she grows up. This was because she knew no better. She had no role models to look up to. She knew no other life. In her eyes the most powerful person was the gharwali who had financial freedom and who had means to control the lives of women like her own mother. There are other forms of prostitution like call girl rackets and beer bar girls but that is a different category. These forms of prostitution are also extremely exploitative.

Is it really all that difficult to come out of this situation?

Well first lets examine how most of these girls ended up in the red light area.

1. N was a happy 10 yrs. old living in some remote impoverished village in Nepal.She has 5 more siblings. One probably suffering from TB. If they are lucky they eat twice a day. She used to go to a village school, but had to stop because of a paucity of funds. Days of going without food and the worsening condition of her brother who is afflicted with TB, forces her parents to sell her to a lady who promises to get her employment as a worker in a carpet factory in Kathmandu or as a domestic help in Mumbai. She travels by foot, bus and finally train to Mumbai. And is sold into a brothel for Rs 10000.

2. B is a 17 yr old from a village in Andhra Pradesh. Her father, a cotton farmer committed suicide because of increasing debt and falling revenues. There are 5 mouths to feed. So our brave young B decides to go to Mumbai to some acquaintance who could get her a job. She is illiterate and is travelling outside her village for the first time. She meets a friendly woman in the train just before arriving in Mumbai who looks at the address and tells her she lives in the same neighborhood and offers to take her there. She is brought to Kamathipura and sold.

3. D fell in love and decided to elope with her lover. The lover promises her marriage. She runs away to Mumbai with him, dreaming about marriage and domestic bliss. She is brought to Kamathipura and is sold and she never sees her lover again.

4. P gets into prostitution because her mother is a prostitute. She knows no other life. She was born in the brothels. We call this inter-generational prostitution.

5. M remembers going to the village fair somewhere in Jharkhand with her family. The next thing she knows she is drugged, thrown into a sack, and then dumped onto the back of a truck. She is brought to Mumbai. She is sold and since she is only 8 yrs old, she fetches a really good price.

6.There was a particular peculiar arrangement that I saw in Grant Road. That of Bangladeshi WIP. They were living in the brothels with their families , husbands included. I found out that these women would service clients in the night, while their husband played cards in one of the many eating places nearby. During the daytime the women would sleep and the husbands would cook and look after the children. The would stay in Mumbai for 6 to 8 months, make enough money to go back to their villages. They would be back in Mumbai with their wives, and sisters,once they ran out of all their savings. Well I know the woman had no say in this arrangement and this was not a result of mutual consent.

7.L was a devdasi in a village in Karnataka. When the priests of the temple tire of her, she is sold to a Mumbai brothel. This consort of the Gods is no luckier than the others.

Could they not run away from the brothels?
When she arrives at the brothel she refuses to obey the gharwali. She is locked up in a small room.Starved, beaten, tortured. This continues for days. If she refuses to give in, she is finally drugged and repeatedly raped. She is raped by more than 5 men in one night. Virginity is much in demand. After months of this torture she gives in and is moved to a room in the brothel. She cannot read or write.She does not understand the language. She is not allowed to leave the brothel. Gharwali has goons to watch over her. Crushed chillies being rubbed onto her private parts is one of the many threats she hears day and night.As a girl told me she spent her first year begging every man she was forced to sleep with to help her escape. One of her regular customers was a policeman.
By the second year the girl is battered, and diseased. Her spirit is irreversibly crushed and she is ashamed and afraid to go back to her village for now she is 'dirty'. Some part of her still hopes to go back one day and resolves to do whatever it will take. Which is paying back the money the gharwali paid to buy her. This is not easy to do. She gets only Rs. 50 per customer. She also has to pay for her lodging, food, clothes and medicines. Add to this the interest on the principal amount, freedom is one distant dream. I never heard of any happy endings.
Some brave and lucky ones did manage to escape thanks to the occasional police raids. But the happiness is short lived. Once her family back in the village realizes where she has been she is beaten, disowned and thrown out. She returns to the only thing she knows.

Her destiny was never hers to make.

The Underbelly Part 1

2009-04-20T23:49:00.003-04:00

I had done this post earlier. Its a part of a 5 post series on the issue of Sex Trrafficking , the area I work on. IHM this one is for you and all my new Blogger friends Manju, Smitha, Vinod ji, Poonam J, Kislay,D,Renu, Chirag and all the others who visit my blogspace.

I clearly remember my first day. The journey from Andheri to Grant Road in the local train. I was dressed in a full sleeves green kurta with an orangish yellow churidaar from Shoppers Stop. My aim was to look modest and professional without calling too much attention to myself. In my hand I clutched the address of the NGO I was to visit. I also kept feeling for my cell phone in my bag, my only sense of security. But mind you I was not worried about the place I was about to visit but my absolute pathetic sense of direction was my actual cause of concern. The lack of worry about visiting an NGO in a red light area was not due to boldness on my part but naivete, ignorance and truly being clueless about what to expect.

I had undertaken this journey because I was required to. I was doing post grad in TISS and the course required 5 days of classroom training and 2 days,Mondays and Tuesdays of field work. I was hoping to be assigned to the Narcotics Cell of Mumbai Police in VT(oops sorry, CST). I saw myself as the sexy intelligent future CBI agent clad in a pinstriped, butt flattering pant with straightened hair, hunting down the evil drug traffickers with effortless chic.
But getting posted to a NGO in a redlight area for one whole year was a big let down. The faculty concerned saying that they thought I was the most able and mature person in the class for such a post softened the blow. But I was not sure what I would really do with these women who sold their bodies for a living. They did not really need me or anyone else for that matter, did they? Oh, was I in for a big surprise.

The nature of the place I was visiting started dawning on me from the minute I got into the taxi at Grant Road station east and gave the directions to the driver. The man actually in an almost slow motion kind of a way adjusted his rear view mirror looked me over and said "you want to go there?" He was a nice guy I guess, and concerned about me because he went on to ask me 3 more times if I was sure I had the right address. By this time though his questions were lost on me because I was busy mouthing "shiv, shiv, shiv......" as I took in the scenery around me.

I was astounded, and horrified, would be the least to say. I saw a narrow street with wooden rotting structures on either side. On the doorways of these houses stood women of all ages garishly painted and in different states of undress. I saw men walking up and down the street looking at these women as if they were wares on display. Some women talked and laughed loudly, some beckoned the men who went by, while some just stood there stone faced. I went by a cinema hall which had some porno movie playing by the look of the posters. While I gawked foolishly at the men standing near the theatre someone grinned lecherously, saying something which fortunately I could not hear. But by now I was beginning to feel the stirrings of fear. I could hear the ominous sounding instructions of my faculty supervisor asking me not to stay beyond 5 pm in the Center (NGO) and in any case if I had to absolutely stay after dark I must insist on some NGO staff escorting me back to the station.

The building which housed the NGO had seen better years. It was a stone building, a relic from the Colonial Raj. The ground floor had a big, dimly lit but cool room where I saw a few young children sleeping, while some recited the hindi alphabets with heartbreaking earnestness. I later found out it was a night creche run by a NGO. A place where the mothers left their young ones at sunset, so that the children could have a good nights sleep while they went to'work'.
My NGO was on the first floor and had 2 huge rooms. One where the center in charge and a couple of more staff members sat. The second room was used by the women and children of the area to rest, hold meetings, do homework etc. There was another room on the ground floor which was used by the visiting doctor to see patients.

Even before I had settled in I met this woman whom we shall call S. She came in singing and laughing loudly. She was vibrant and beautiful - the first thing I noticed. She was completely shameless is the second thing I registered,when she lifted her 'nightie'/long gown to show some sore on her inner thigh. My delicate sensibilities were under fierce attack when she went on to tell us loudly that she had made Rs600 the previous night. I was busy calculating how many men she had to sleep with to make that kind of money. The center in charge had told me that the going rate was Rs 50 and maybe Rs 100 per 'act' if you were lucky or very beautiful. You can do the maths. But I had to admit that there was something about her so like able that I used to wait for her to visit the center and would worry over her prolonged absences. I went on to befriend her by impressing her by my knowledge of the Bengali language.

The second woman I met that day had 2 sons aged 3yrs and 9 months old. She had close cropped ragged hair and I was told she lived on and off on the roads and the brothels. She had HIV and the days she was well enough to service men some madam/brothel keeper more commonly known as the Gharwaali would take pity on her, giving her lodging and food in return of the money she made. And on days she was too sick she and her children would be found on the streets, surviving how, I don't know. She died by the end of my year there. What happened to her sons you ask? I truly don't know.

The other woman who made an impression on me that day was a young girl whom I had seen from the taxi. She was beautiful in a way you wondered what she was doing in a place like this. Mind you this is Grant Road/Kamathipura, a place where human life is cheap, beauty is mercilessly crushed by abuse and exploitation and disease so great that you age beyond your years if you manage to remain untouched by the ravages of TB and HIV and cheat a miserable and lonely death.
This girl was dressed in a blouse and lehenga/petticoat playing the innocent game of kitkit while waiting for a customer. She looked so out of place..a very North Indian looking girl in a population mostly consisting of girls from Maharashtra,AP,TN,Bangladesh and Nepal.
After a month or so when I knew my way around I went searching for her. But I never saw her again. There were rumors that she was sold and sent to Dubai or Sharjah but no one could tell me for sure what became of her. Memories of her still haunt me.

Thus ended my first day. I went back to the safety and comfort of my home bewildered, and confused. The only thing I was certain about was that I was very wrong in thinking I am not needed here. I still didn't know what I could do. But I knew, do something I must....well that is a beginning right?

Gender Discrimination

2009-04-14T22:48:00.003-04:00

The title suggests yet another story in the countless instances of how women are treated differently and unfairly. But it is not. It is about how sometimes men are in a spot which does not do justice to them or to their families.

It all began today evening or rather night around 9 p.m which is around the time hubby darling flies back to our nest. He was especially drained tonight and told me he had a tough evening. It is the time of the year when appraisals are done and he is responsible for 30 appraisals. When the appraisals are made public the employee concerned are free to agree or disagree with the evaluation. Out of 30, 3 disagreed. One was a genuine case of technical glitch. That leaves two out of which one is and has been a problem case. It is the case of a woman whom we shall call Madam X.

Madam X has been having problems with her appraisals since last year and maybe even before, who knows. She according to my husband has 9 years plus experience and her work is not in accordance to her years in the industry. In an industry where working hours are anywhere from 12 - 14 hours and sometimes more. Working on weekends is also not unusual. The offshore-on site model leaves you with hardly any personal time since after work (US hours in this scenario) , these guys are on the phone after 10pm talking to India office. In such a setting Madam X works for 6 hours. She does not take any extra responsibility considering her experience. She is also not a team player and teams under her have complained and do not want her as an appraiser. Even the 6 hours she puts in are lacking in the effort and excellence expected from her.

She also has a history of turning any discussion about her appraisal nasty. This time when she realized her appraisal was not going to be changed (for all the right reasons), she turned hysterical. She started crying much to my husband and his boss's horror. She went ballistic and even cursed them and their families (shudder shudder). She has a child and is expecting her second one. She went to the extent of saying that they, as in her appraisers, were trying to kill two people: her and her unborn child. She talked about her family and how difficult it is for her to manage home and work. She left the office threatening one and all of dire consequences. More drama ensued even after she left but I will give it a skip.

As a woman I understand how difficult it must be for her to manage home, be a mother and be pregnant too. But as a wife and a mother and someone who is almost single handedly raising children considering hubby's working hours, I am angry. As a person with a professional degree who could have had a promising career but chose to give it all up, I feel angry. As a wife who misses her husband, who works long hours not because he is a workaholic but it is the demand of his industry and such are the times, I am angry. As a mother of children who get to interact with their father for just 1 hours or a little more on weekdays, I am angry. As my husband's best friend who sees the amount of hard work, both mental and physical, my best friend , my husband puts in, I am angry.

As a woman I understand and support women friendly work policies. I understand and demand the need of maternity leaves , day cares etc. And anything else that is needed for a conducive work environment for women. But there is a limit to everything. How can we sing the song of equality when these women want to walk off with equal wages, perks etc. while putting in less hours and even lesser quality of work. Working while pregnant or as mothers to young children is a choice they make. Do I need to bear their burden? Should my husband and others like him give up what they deserve because a woman struggles between her work and home. Should women have it easy because they are women and mothers and juggling work and children requires superhuman efforts?

It is a choice she makes and she should learn to live with it. Should she not understand that you cannot get everything. If being a mother and wife are also important it may come at a cost. It could mean lesser pay, fewer promotions. Working by the industry standards could mean coming up short as a mother, wife , homemaker. I am not here to judge the choices. But I do feel and strongly so, that it is high time for women like Madam X to take the bitter pill and accept facts. I as a woman , mother, wife and someone with a sense of justice think , this is taking the concept of equality in a different and totally wrong direction. Fairness is something at stake here.

P.S Objectivity is possibly not a USP of this post since it affects me personally. Would love to hear your opinion on this.

No Apologies for being Religious

2009-04-04T15:42:00.021-04:00

I am the New Minority. I am young and I am deeply religious. I am not God fearing but God loving.
I am a little weary of the ongoing litany, that non religious is the harbinger of peace and religious means trouble. I agree with the seperation of the religion and the state but fail to see the reasoning behind distancing the individual from faith. I need to make a case for myself and people like me.

I was born religious, then I became indifferent and then rediscovered my faith and became religious again. Religious and secular are not two opposing forces. Though this holds good for those alone who understand and practice the tenets of their faith in all honesty.
I am not in a position to write about this journey or my faith in absolute terms because I am still learning. I will touch on some things which change color and content for me as I slowly discover.

My Approach: "Sarvasya Chaham Hridhi Sanni Vishto" Bhagvad Geeta, which translated means: All are equal since He resides in all of us.
I believe in One creator. Hence everyone irrespective of color, race,religion,caste or creed is a creation of that One Supreme Being.Will I hate/kill another human being because they belong to another faith.? Never, because I believe in Divine Brotherhood under the Fatherhood of God. And it is my religion which teaches me that God is within me as well as in others.

My Temple: My Temple is certainly not one for which I stand in line for hours and could, maybe cut that wait short by bribing the priest or making a handsome donation, where they have a separate line for people based on the amount being donated, where one jostles amongst unruly crowds and is afraid of one's modesty and wallet, where the Idol is adorned with gold and diamonds and Rolex watches when there is a line of starved beggar children outside.
My temple or 'Amrutalayam' is Vedic in its concept and character. It is made of local materials and by local resources and is a socio economic center too.A place where all are equal in the eyes of God. It is simple and peaceful enabling a conversation with God and fellow human beings. Its a place where one could study the Geeta/Bible/Koran. Its a temple where the 'Brahman' teaches and simplifies the scriptures for me and not just chants Sanskrit shlokhas which make no sense to me.
It is a place where people donate because they believe the wealth they give is Gods share and that wealth, then is given to those who need it as Prasad, most likely in the dark of the night,anonymously.The concept of this impersonal wealth leaves no room for any feelings of superiority/inferiority between the giver and receiver.

My Caste: 'Brahman/Kshatriya/Vaishya/Shudra'...Caste was not an adjective but an adverb. I am not a Brahman because my father is...I am not born into a caste category , I become one due to my 'work'. I am a Brahman if I selflessly teach, I am a Kshatriya because I am responsible for the socio-political running of the city/state, I am a Vaishya because I am an entrepreneur, and I am a Shudra if I am a service provider...a engg./doctor etc.
When the scriptures talk about the glory of a Brahman, it is not the Brahman they talk of but "Brahmanatva"...a quality...a teacher who selflessly teaches the scriptures, an educationist who moulds the future generations, imparts life skills and not livelihood skills alone. And all this and more is done as a non commercial activity. Hence the Vedic society protected and cared for its Brahmans. Gurudakshina was not a compulsion yet something everybody did. A child would not be refused admission to a particular Gurukul because of a paucity of funds. State interference in the education system was unthinkable. The brahmin was free and independent and hence the best teacher. The society provided for him because he did not ask anything in exchange of what he gave. Our education system is a failure because it is a commercial enterprise, because state interference is the norm of the day. Because as a society we fail to take care of our teachers and as people we confuse education with livelihood training.
All varnas/castes are interdependent and there exists no hierarchy.

My Feminism: The Royal Guru Vashishtha saying that Sita is the most able to rule Ayodhya, in the absence of Ram, is my idea of feminism. Sita choosing to follow her husband into the forest is love. I did the same I left my work, my life to follow my husband across the globe. Does that make me a weak woman? Is my worth measured only by the amount of money I bring in at the end of the month? I do nothing, if I do not have a pay slip/fancy designation to show for it? Do I need to abuse my body by drinking ,smoking, showing my cleavage to prove that I am emancipated? Must I leave my 6 month old baby with hired help/day care to prove that I got an excellent education.Those are choices and definitely not a show of my freedom.
"Stree Shakti/woman power has been recognized and worshipped in my faith. I am an 'Ardhangini' or an equal half in the partnership of marriage.The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world is amply visible in the stories of so many great women...Aditi, Anusuya,Jija Bai etc.
Vedic theology conceives God as bipolar, having both male and female aspects.Vedic religion treats man and woman as equal.
P.S do not waste time reading the countless and completely wrong translations (sanskrit is a language in which 1 sentence could be understood in 3 different ways) and interpretations (there have been both conscious and un conscious efforts to malign vedic philosophy and literature). I can only suggest,get a Teacher who is well versed in Sanskrit and is a Vedic Scholar.

My Environmentalism: The Tenth Adhyaya of Geeta talks about the presence of God in the mountains, rivers, trees, land, air, water. If we only understood this without just casually brushing it off as nature worship/pagan religion, we would not be wracking our brains to reverse global warming and climate change. We need to look at the deeper thought than getting put off by the idea of watering a Tulsi and doing circles around a tree or worshipping a cow. Doing it mindlessly of course, also serves no purpose.
My religion teaches me to take nothing for granted and certainly not abuse what is a precious gift.

My Self Worth: Ishavasya Upanishad warns of becoming a victim to "vishay". Subjective happiness versus objective happiness.I am not incomplete because I do not have a fancy job title. I am not incomplete because I do not earn a jaw dropping salary. I am not incomplete if I do not own a fancy apartment or car. I do not become less if I am not vacationing in Europe. Should I wallow in self pity or spend thousands for plastic surgery if I do not meet the ever changing societal standards of beauty. List is endless and from the society's perspective I cannot please all and never will...and since the society at large is misdirected, should I care?
I am complete and I strive for subjective happiness ( easier said than done, but I am practicing...and God, is it tough or what Phew!!!).

My Fasts: The many fasts where people eat more than on reguar days are senseless. My fast is a way to detoxify and to not waste time on cooking. That time is to be used for doing God's work which of course does not mean bhajan keertan and prayer beads. It could mean amongst other things going out and meeting someone for no reason at all. Connecting with another human being, where no 'len'den'/ transaction is involved.To develop a relationship with another human being and to do something for them selflessly. Try it out... I was surprised by what doing for others,did for me.

There are many more things...........but I am still learning and loving every step of it. I am religious and deeply so and I am not sorry for it. Do I seem like a threat? And yes years and years of contortion and corruption will not stop me from researching and re-learning. I have a brain and I can distinguish between ritualism and religion. Thank God for an excellent teacher. For how do I learn my religion if not from a teacher, a true Brahman. My parents could not teach me all. I saw rituals and no religion around me...everywhere. Thats was and still is very unattractive.
My religion teaches me reverence for everyone and everything. This reverential attitude towards the world is a direct and natural result of acceptance of God who resides in one and all. Some fools who do not understand and practice my faith in its true essence, cannot stop me from doing so.

True Bhakti for me is a powerful positive social force which inspires me to pray everyday for universal peace and happiness.

"Sarvetra Sukhinah Santo Sarve Santo Niramaya
Sarve Bhadrane Pashyantu Ma Kvashchit Dukhmapunyaat"

Meaning :
"Everybody here should be happy. All should be free of pain and problems. All should see only good. No human being should suffer."

When Gender Matters and Not

2009-04-01T22:03:00.001-04:00

When Gender Matters :

1. My 4 year old son has threatened to disown me if I wear as he calls it 'yucky' nail paint and come to his pre- school !!!!. I am amused that though his father dare not challenge my life choices in any way, this pint sized genius is already dictating terms. My 2 year old daughter on the other has threatened to disown me over the same commodity but for a different reason...she wants to me to paint her tiny nails pink or else..........

2. My son couldn't care less what I dressed him in. The occasional Thomas T - shirt does light up his eyes but it really does not matter. My 2 year old already has a mind of her own and a distinct style. She wants to be dressed in only frilly pink things which she believes transform her into a "pitty pinchesh" (read pretty princess)

3. My son does not know where and why the mirror exists. My daughter checks herself out every time she is changed, hair accessorized, dressed or simply... for no particular reason at all... running to the mirror saying "dekhna hai or lemme sheeee"

4. My son owns 2 pairs of shoes. My daughter has at least 4 at any given point of time .

5. If hubby and I hug in front of the kids my son will stick out his tongue and squint, a sign that he is embarrassed or pretend he is not seeing what he is really seeing....my daughter on the other hand runs and hugs her dad's leg vying for and successfully managing an immediate transfer of affection.

6. My son hates to talk on the phone and my daughter hates to hang up...already.

7. My son ends up fighting with the girls he likes, not knowing how to please them and emote correctly. My daughter charms, and bedazzles anyone into submission.

And sometimes Gender Matters... not :

1. My son is more likely to come home crying after a fight, and my daughter more likely to send her opponent crying.

2. Though my daughter loves to think of herself as a 'pinchesh' she plays with her brother's cars, trains and trucks, barely giving a second glance to her dolls.

3. Sometimes its the order of birth which makes a difference I am told. My son the first born is a perfectionist who shed tears even if he gets 1 wrong out of 10. My second born is brimming with confidence and even the attempt to do something, forget success at it, qualifies for her running around in circles singing 'I am the Winner'.

55 Word Fiction

2009-03-30T17:56:00.008-04:00

"Laundry Wale Uncle"

The old man from the laundry.
Lives with his son.
Longs for his village, his friends ...his life.
Hope keeps him alive.
Everytime we meet, he tells me he is leaving in a month.
6 years since we first met.
He died today .
In a foreign land.
Of a broken heart.

The Number Game

2009-03-25T23:06:00.009-04:00

Fellow Blogger D tagged me and here I am playing this fun number game:

ONE God the creator of all is what I believe in.

TWO or Class 2 is what I skipped completely and instead did Class 3 twice because of cross continent travel.

THREE is the number of times (minimum) I need to call my husband's name out loud before he actually hears me.

FOUR is the number of people who seriously proposed marriage to me. I say people because one was a woman who said she would marry me, if she was a man or had a different sexual orientation ;).

FIVE minutes is the maximum I can leave my 2 children alone...after that there is bound to be yelling, screaming,attempts to kill each other, or sometimes silence akin to the lull before the storm... it always means they are upto something,no good.

SIX is the number of languages I understand.

SEVEN is the number of years I have been cooking,cleaning, washing dishes and doing laundry, without any doemstic help, if you don't count hubby darling that is. This is the American lifestyle. Reality check to all those America hungry people out there.

EIGHT is a time which still reminds me of 'Chitrahaar' on DD.

NINE is the number of times(minimum again) the thought occurs to me during the day, everyday "what was I thinking when I decided that domesticity was the way to go for me". Just kidding. Not really.

TEN is the number of pounds I would be happy to lose.

Continued...............

2009-03-21T00:32:00.001-04:00

I am a mother. I conceived,carried and I delivered, twice. Before conception I worried because I wanted a child so bad. After conception I spent the first 3 months nauseated or at the commode throwing up. The next 3, happy and content eating whatever I wanted. The last 3 back at the commode but peeing mostly. I see no point talking about the intensity of the labor pains, I delivered normally both the times and I know there is no pain like that pain. The stitches I walked around with and which extended from my vagina to the rectal area were not pleasant too.The constipation that followed meant me being in the bathroom and crying for hours, scared that any pressure would open up my stitches.Breastfeeding,initially, was pretty painful, though I went onto breastfeed(exclusively) both my children till 18 months.Some things which stayed even when this period ended....stretch marks, back aches which come and go,urinary incontinence which thankfully has gone and a lifetime of worry.

Then comes the next stage. With the first born, I cried every time he did. I laughed every time he did. I developed these faint worry lines on my forehead and many a strand of gray hair. As a young parent, I still don't know what it means to sleep throughout the night. Most of the days I am tierd enough to cry. We, my husband and I have faint memories of what it feels like to be a couple.(Being in US though temporarily, means no support system , hence no breaks at all).
I won an All Round Excellence Award in the college, a college which has been coming in the top 3, in the country for arts and social sciences for the last 12+ years. I was touted as the most likely to become the Future President/District Commissioner in my hostel. Today I sit at home, a choice with which I struggled initially but now see it as one of the best decisions of my life so far.

I worry over everything which might cause my child worry. I want to shield my child from everything dark and unhappy, sickness and pain. I want them both to be happy and healthy and good people. I debate and discuss and deliberate on how to do things best for them. I am honest enough to admit that I have compromised and made many a sacrifice already, though I have no regrets whatsoever.

When either of my child is sick , my husband worries himself sick, about how he/she must be hurting. He sleeps next to my sick child, waking through the night to check on him/her. He who gets a headache if he is sleep deprived , goes without sleep for days caring for the child. He works hard to provide and ensure a safe and secure future for my children.
We complaint about the lack of couple time, lack of sleep, lack of privacy, lack of freedom, lack of a sense of abandonment, of thinking about just ourselves......life changes after a child is born...on many levels. We are at it 24/7....to give it all... the best way we know so.

We have been parents for the last 4.5 years. Its been a roller coaster ride.Now,we know exactly what our parents must have gone through and still feel. You do not retire from the job of a parent. You are one until you die.

What I have seen around me in this country is children not going to India to be with their sick and dying parents because their trip will somehow jeopardize their Green Card or citizenship.I have seen people actually debating how it is not practical to go again within a year to be with a father who is on the deathbed. The first trip was for the then dying and now dead mother. I have heard of only sons not going for cremation. These very mothers came to be with their daughters and daughter in laws during pregnancy and delivery. I have seen parents undergo major surgeries alone or have undergone the painful and slow recovery ...alone. The reasons are many, most famously being...bachhon ko school ki chhutti nahin hai,Green Card or Citizenship will be jeopardized, not practical have done our bit by sending money, my mother chose a bad time to fall sick... summer.. and my America born child does not do well in the Indian summer, I worked so hard for this I cannot let it go for a dying parent, I have a life to live.........the list is endless.

We cannot foresee or predict the future. We as parents give without expecting to receive. We also know, that no action of our children will ever make us stop loving them. But the mere thought of not being able to see and be with my children when I am at peace but lonely, sick though financially provided for, about to lose my spouse of 50 + years, dying but surrounded by people be it relatives or paid caretakers...causes me gut wrenching pain.
Will I then regret all that I did for my children, from the age of 27 to a lifetime...NEVER....but I will be in pain, I will certainly be in a lot of pain.

When The Parent Needs the Child - Part II

2009-03-15T21:33:00.000-04:00

I have begun reading 2 books simultaneously, these days. One could be any popular or not so popular, fiction/non- fiction and the other, which I only read in bed at night is something spiritual. So presently I am enthralled by and equally so with 'Dashavatar - The 10 Avatars of Vishnu' based on the lectures of Pandurang Shastri Athavale and 'Unaccustomed Earth' by Jhumpa Lahiri.

I want to give an excerpt of her book 'Unaccustomed Earth' because it resonates with and gives another perspective to the issues I mention in my earlier post. So read on:

"Now That he was on his own, acquaintences sometimes asked if he planned to move in with Ruma.Even Mrs. Bagchi mentioned the idea. But he pointed out that Ruma hadn't been raised with that sense of duty. She led her own life, had made her own decisions, married an American boy. He didn't expect her to take him in, and really, he couldn't blame her.For what had he done, when his father was dying, when his mother was left behind? By then Ruma and Romi were teenagers. There was no question of his moving the family back to India, and also no question of his eighty-year-old widowed mother moving to Pennsylavania. He had let his siblings look after her until she, too, eventually died."

When the Parent Needs the Child

2009-03-09T00:26:00.000-04:00

In the past couple of months, some friends of mine have lost their parents. A couple of them have parents diagnosed with terminal illnesses. The difficult and painful conversations I had with them left me in a melancholy and a soul searching mood.

The stories I tell are a reflection of our times and also question how and who really benefits from the disintegration of joint/extended families. The oft used phrase thanks to opening economies and globalization " The world is a small place" seems to be true for us, the generation X, but for our parents it means a lonely old age, with visits to children and grandchildren, the frequency of which depends on distance, budgets, schedules and willingness mostly of the super busy children.

Since we are dashing off from one goal to the other and planning and micro planning for a future over which we do not have any control really, we hardly have any time to pause and think. The slightly numb, over achieving, more or less self absorbed generation that we are , we need something drastic to move us and get our attention. Though we are also a people with some or the other kind of attention disorder and whatever stops us and encourages self introspection and possibly regret followed by change, is also not gauranteed our fullest and sustained focus. We will surely flit to another more pressing concern and paint a coat of "justifications", "logicality", "practicality" over our selfish acts.

Anyways here are some of the events which gnaw at me........

'A' lives in UK, far away from her parents who reside in India. She suddenly gets a call informing her that her father has taken seriously ill. En route to India she finds out he has had a brain heomaarege and is in a coma. He it seems and so she believes, is hanging on to his life only to allow her to see him 'alive' once, before he departs this earthly abode. He passes away some hours after her arrival.I feel, even in his dying moments, he is the quintessential parent worried more about the child than himself.
She is tortured by the fact that she used to get to see her parents only after a year and a half. And every visit she felt that that they had aged years and looked different from the last visit. With dread I admit, I too, completely relate with this feeling.

'K' and his sister 'B' lived in the same country, India, as their parents, but in different cities. Both lead busy lives and regularly visit their parents. Yet they somehow were not present when their mother had a pacemaker installed. She is about to visit 'K' next month,who is expecting his second child. She has a massive heart attack and passes away on Friday night. 'K' and 'B' could reach only on saturday morning. Their father spends the night alone in the hospital with his spouse of over 40 years lying dead on a cold steel bed. 'B' cries and so do I along with her that her departed mother had requested that they keep their leaves intact because she really wanted her children to be with her when she got her pacemaker replaced in December. The mother confesses, hated being alone the first time around. 'B' sobs heartbreakingly and says "we are useless, we left her alone". And I cry with her knowing the same holds true for me.

'R' and 'M' are wracked with guilt because their mothers underwent chemotherapy and recovered after an accident respectively and did it alone. Both 'R' and 'M' have been blessed with great extended families who rallied around their mothers but the bottomline remains that the children were absent. 'R' and 'M' have trouble meeting the eyes of these dear family members who care for their mothers but who also are a constant reminder of who and what they substitute for.

In a world where parents are loudly and self righteously blamed for psychologically and emotionally, scarring children by a variety of methods...abuse and neglect being primary, why is there no fingerpointing and reprisal if it is the other way round.

I also know what I am guity of and how so. I have my own personal demons to slay and hopefully having done that, will have the courage and goodness, to do what is only right.

Gain two... Lose Some

2009-03-03T00:13:00.000-05:00

My friend Piper's post "Erma Bombeck - On Motherhood", inspired me to think of all that I have gained and lost post domesticity and motherhood especially. A mother of 2 delightful and lovely children I will not write about all that I have gained because I will not be able to do justice to it and most importantly I learn everyday, how valuable is the treasure bestowed upon me.

On a humorous but honest note I can enumerate the various things that I have given up and habits I have picked up in the process:

1. I do not remember the last time I DID not have an audience when I used the restroom. This audience of mine either gleefully monitors my every move or hurries me on by insisting that they need to use the facility too. And this happens with such regularity that the simple act of attending to natures call, demands prior strategy and a game plan of sorts.

2. Yes I hide my chocolates ...I hide it from my children because I crave for that Ferrero Rocher and I want to eat that..one whole piece of chocolate ..without having to share it with anyone ...my children bring out the mean child in me at times. Its been ages when I or someone bought chocolates for me.

3. I don't remember what it feels to be footloose and fancy free...nothing overly dramatic but just the feel of a great handbag in one's arm minus all the hoola hoo of an over sized cumbersome diaper bag. Or as of now a chic over sized handbag which contains things I need and not a slightly darkening and limp banana, a toy car, a fake plastic cell phone or an ear piercing whistle, a water gun which is most likely to be aimed at and squirted at my eye.

4. I do my own little angry dance every time I am asked to leave my plateful of surprisingly hot food to wash wipe or clean some one's behind. Potty time for the little people is always when its eating time for mommy.

5. Hubby darling and I have been frozen into inaction during our snatched moments of intimacy by a wailing baby or a sleep talking toddler. In retrospect it is very funny but sometimes when such moments are far and in between...to laugh it off has been hard to do.

6. I don't know what it is to talk to an adult be it my husband or a visiting girlfriend without some sort of a background noise or a little person using devious methods to claim everyone's attention. One of the methods commonly used is attempts (failed one , thankfully) to jump out of the third floor window screaming "Mommy ! Look! I can fly !!!"

7. Eating out without worrying about what others think about your child rearing style is a state of mind, alien to me. Constant fear that your 'intent on running around in circles 'child might collide headfirst with a tray laden waiter can act as a very good appetite dampener.

8. I want to do what I love the most...read a good book , something other than Dr. Suess and Bernstein Bears. My favorite fantasy these days revolves around a comfy chair,a good book and no one else around to disturb this equilibrium.

8. My days are generously sprinkled with embarrassing moments...my child ...decides to dig his nose and with a frenzy as soon as I turn around to introduce him to the elderly but prim librarian, starts eating an unwashed cucumber/tomato/okra which is kept in the shopping cart as if he/she is starved at home, wants to stay for extended periods of time and at times even live with people other than his/her parents, has at times pulled his/her pants down and run around in glee as if we, the parents encourage such behavior.

I can easily write a sequel or two or more to this piece. But my two have certainly taught me to put on a brave face, develop a thick skin and take everything with a pinch of salt and humor.

About bullies and more

2009-03-02T16:32:00.000-05:00

If I have known something about myself and been sure about it is that I am sensitive to other people's feelings. I am a good judge of character.I am also quick to tune into nuances and careful not to hurt someone knowingly. I know I do not have a perfect score in this and the times that I have failed is because , a) I have been too tired to try, b) Lately I find myself zoning out more often than I want...maybe because of a lack of "me/alone time" c) I am hormonal and turn into a person I barely know. Very rarely though I am on purpose trying to be rude and insensitive.

I don't know why I am writing this because I wanted this piece to be a kind of study of people and 2 types in particular.

1. Social Embarrassments: in particular the ones who crack the feeblest of jokes, have a garish sense of style, and love to shake a leg when clearly they cannot.

2. Bullies : they come in all shapes and size but are universally disliked.

Type 1 that I mentioned, surprise me and cause me a lot of grief. Primarily because I am someone who always sheds tears for the underdog and also because I have seen how these kind of people tend to bring out the worst in the rest of us. I fear, I might have unknowingly, been a part of such heckling crowds though like a bad hangover or better still since I don't drink, like a bad dream, it comes to haunt me later. The trauma associated for me post such events has been the thought of having children who despite and in spite of all my efforts grow up to be people who make a fool of themselves in social gatherings. I have been extra kind and attentive to the SEs afterwards. I have noticed with some worry the glee with which many enjoy this person making a fool of herself/himself. I have also wondered with a pang of pain and remorse whether such people realize that it is at their cost the others laugh.
And I have a sneaking suspicion that sometimes they do and I salute them for their courage and bravado in pretending all is 'fine'.

Type 2 , I have little or no sympathy for. Bullies in all shapes and size and styles put me off. After any and every encounter with a Bully I hate myself for having lacked the timing , wit or courage, one or all of them, to have retorted to some smart!!! comment with style. I have berated myself time and again for this lack of reaction on my part. Although, with time, yet again I have realized the Bully could be subtle, loud, obnoxious, rude and pretending to be standing on some sort of a high ground but this behavior is nothing more than a facade to hide behind. They are shouting down everybody else because they have their own insecurities to hide. This knowledge makes me more tolerant of them.

This piece was not meant to judge ,condemn and label. It is merely an observation. To have a good night's sleep though I find it necessary to mention my own vices here , the 2 biggest being anger and as my husband reminds me often ,the fact that I take poorly to criticism.

Friends and the City

2009-02-21T21:43:00.000-05:00

I know I am running behind, but I was thrilled to watch Sex and the City -The Movie. FINALLY!. Though I saw it with many an interruption but I did make the effort to make it a pleasurable experience for myself.....the alchohol removed champagne,caprese stacks etc. (I fear I might have overdone it which does not bode well for the 10lbs. I am desperate to lose :( )
I do wish I could have done it in style and in some good female company but...what the heck...a pair of red and white polka dot flannel pajamas, and regular interruptions (had to deal with ink stamps and dirty little fingers, Curious George online games and chocolate milk) did not take away from the experience.

Besides drooling over the delicious outfits, bags and shoes (I am a girlie girl)what struck me most and stayed with me afterwards was the strong and lasting female friendships portrayed in the movie. I did not see the TV series to be honest, but loved the movie nonetheless. And I craved and how so, for female bonding and companionship. Not that I am lacking for it, but I missed and remembered all those girls who have crossed my path and have turned into even lovelier women. So here is an ode to some of the women who are great friends and some who I wish were:

The Activist :
She is a fierce , beautiful, strong, opinionated woman who is so different from me and yet so fundamentally similar. I am thankful we discovered what we had in common and hit it off. She smoked, she drank, she was/is loud and many hate her guts and her brains. I love her for the same ( the guts and the brains). She is someone with whom I contemplated unmentionable career choices (don't know why , she was probably drunk and I have no justifications), starting a NGO to fight for speedy trials and work on improvements in the justice system. She is doing better than planned and is fighting for the environment and the people, getting jailed and man-handled,travelling third class,....what not......
She is someone who I hold very dear and a peer that I genuinely admire.

Medusa :
I christened her Medusa, because she wandered around at unearthly hours in the hostel reading Marxian theories. She was almost mouselike in her demeanor at times and lion like, in her knowledge. I for some reason have always felt protective of her and by some sad twist of fate she has seen more than her share of tough times. I feel guilty for not being with her during those moments.

Roomie :
She was my first roomie and she was and probably still is a mother hen. We were a sight to behold...atleast 6 inches apart in hieght. But we shared the same values and the same small town dreams. She was a 'good girl' and I almost felt a little scared to let the 'bad girl' in me play out in front of her. For a 'good girl' ...she surprised me later in life with her own volatile love story and happy ending ,touchwood. So much for predictability. She is someone I know I can go running to for some TLC and hot soup on a cold day.

The Southie :
Another dear friend whose wedding left me bedazzled ...a regular Reddy wedding with diamonds and gold and heavier than body weight, Kanjeevarams....her simplicity is endearing and she is someone who is so easy to be around. I miss her and sense that a good heart to heart talk is long due.

My Support System in a Foriegn Land :
These are a group of women whom I would have never befriended. And what a loss it would have been. We would have crossed paths without stopping to talk merely because of our differences in education, interests, the way we verbalize and its not the language I am referring to. Thanks to them I realize these differences are so over hyped and there are some things which rise above all this and way more meaningful. I have formed some of the most precious friendships with people whom I have very little in common. But, being there for someone... sees no bar. From Goa connections,to an artist, to the chawl girl whose tenacity never ceases to amaze me. From absolute large heartedness, to total selflessness, to petty quarrels, to the only ray of hope in the long , cold New Jersey winters, from spouse cribbing sessions, to giggling over intimate details, from pot lucks and yoga sessions to girls night outs, from exchanging how to raise your child tips to discussing philosophy and spirituality, its been a joyous ride.

Wish I were more friendly with these friends/acquaintences :
These are girls I knew at school/college/work or some point of my life whom I admire for some or the other reason and wish I knew them better. The intelligent but rude and obnoxious Bong, from school (sorry thats how I remember her and I am sure she remembers me as worse )who has turned into this brilliant and sensitive writer. I read her posts and wish I could meet her over a cuppa coffee and talk about movies, books, politics anything and everything.

There are some fashionistas whose sense of style is jaw dropping and how I wish I could have them for a shopping guide considering that I hate shopping though I do love the goodies. Some seemingly live their lives with such abandon that I would love to take a leaf out of thier book.Some who drove me nuts yet were so intellectually and emotionally stimulating (yet another Bong from Grad school)

Some whom I remember as sweet gentle souls from a bygone era whom I would love to reconnect with...not just on social networking sites. I wonder about their well being and wish only the best for them. Some who I met fleetingly but who left a huge impression on me, and the desire to befriend them.

The bottomline being I am a woman through and through and though I could live without many things , I dont think I could survive and if yes, barely so without female bonding and companionship. To all the men who lent a patient ear and have been/are a part of my life,...... I owe you one, too.

So here's raising a toast to all the women in my life and to everlasting frinedships.Cheers!!!

"Right to Defend Itself"

2009-01-03T19:35:00.000-05:00

Peace To All is my prayer for the year 2009. And also that some sense prevails as we hurtle at breakneck speed to self destruction. I am gripped with increasing anxiety and despair at the way things stand today.

2009 which bodes not much as far as "prosperity" is concerned, considering the global recession, does not look too promising for peace and harmonious co existence of all, also.I find it bewildering that mind control, brain wash, call it whatever, works so well that we fail to ask ourselves basic common sense questions and eat hungrily whatever the respectable sounding news sites throw at us. Are we so brain dead watching the idiot box that we think its acceptable the way a civilain area is being bombed and the civilian population being denied food and medications. Reasons for such actions are immaterial. Liberty at what cost and on what gounds? Afghanistan, Iraq, Gaza....who needs protecting and from whom? How can a nation , a people a world live that liberty if its tainted by the blood of so many innocents... men women and children.

I had started this article planning to write only about Gaza but am now inclined to write about a couple of other things too. The economic recession puts into focus the ever increasing greed for money and power...a thirst which is limitless and oh so futile. Self esteem has been confused with ones pay package, designations, size and number of homes/property owned, cars, vacations etc. This has, on a sociological note, meant that the old and the really young (children) have been sorely shortchanged. The old have no one to care for them in the twilight of their lives and the children suddenly very soon after their births become the responsibility of people who are PAID to do the precious job of bringing up and moulding them into good, responsible, moral people. Is it a surprise that despite stringent laws and better implementation techniques we are a sorry society today.

Leaping to another headline grabbing news item , that of moral policing by Shiv/Ram/Hanuman Senas. The senas are by the dozen and they in the name of defending "Religion" only push more and more people towards Atheism and Agnosticism.
The moral brigade are farthest from the truth and dont know the basics of the religion they profess to protect. They cause people like me, the believers, shame and disgrace and I wish I could take them to court for even calling themselves "Hindu/Religious" when they do not accept or understand the basic tenets of my faith.

In the same vein though I also fail to understand, equating pub hopping , drinking oneself 'silly', smoking the poison of one's choice,multiple sexual partners as Liberty or Freedom. We are a world which in the name of nationalism detroys nations and its people. We are a gender which in the name of financial independence or greed for more, I dont know which holds true either one or both, leave our babies behind.We fool oursleves by saying we do it for our self esteem. Does self esteem come so cheap or at the expense of others? This particular brand of self esteem or sense of freedom and dignity has a short shelf life...only till the much coveted job, or the hefty bank balance or the present status or designation holds good. This balloon will surely burst and with a bang. A true sense of freedom, empowerment and dignity does not depend on transitory material things. It is so much more than this.

We are a society which is confused, directionless and unhappy most of the times despite these so called giant leaps to financial, social, and moral freedom and equality for all. The most powerful and one of the richest of nations has a majority of the population eating anti depressants as if they were daily vitamin pills.We have so many non profit agencies yet majority if not all never sucessfully treat the root of the problem addressed and only further increase dependencies in the target group. What does this really say about the contorted sense of freedom, equality, justice, and the various approaches working to achieve them all...

In the end we all go searching if not running for more ...that elusive more... which we do not get, even after we have visited all the pubs, smoked , drank as much there is to drink, eaten all the wonderful things we could, owned the most desirable and sought after property/cars, travelled around in style. Been there, done that , seen it all .... when does this truly satisfy anyone amd for how long.

Till we truly understand the bigger gameplan, the way things are and the true purpose of our lives and surrender to it completely we will remain the way we are....striving to defend our nations, our freedom, our sense of justice. Its time we looked deep and protected oursleves.

Some random but angry thoughts....

2008-12-02T14:08:00.000-05:00

The media is as bad as the politicians....During the Kargil conflict, Indian Army sources repeatedly complained to Barkha Dutt and her channel that she was giving away locations in her broadcasts, thus causing Indian casualties.
Do they learn from their mistakes NO
...
1.Hemant Karakre dies tahnks to their footage of him entering the hotel
2. DNA India reports about a UK couple ask media to report carefully:
The terrorists were watching CNN and they came down from where they were in a lift after hearing about us on TV.
— Lynne Shaw in an interview.
3.In one instance BD asks a husband about his wife being stuck, or held as a hostage. The poor guy adds in the end about where she was last hiding. Aired! thank NDTV for not censoring this bit of information.
In another instance, a General sort of suggests that there were no hostages in Oberoi Trident. (Clever.) Then, our BD calls the head of Oberoi, and the idiot confirms a possibility of 100 or more people still in the building.
Where are the ethic here.....aren't the security of the victime and the defense personnel involved of primary importance ....should the media not have sense to withold key information....and please the lame excuse that after Karkare's death TV 's were put off in the hotel....did anyone hear of SMS's or what not............

In the Enough is Enough Panel Discussion "moderated" by Barkha Dutt the panelists are Luke Kenny Kunal Kohli, Simi Grewal??????????????????????????????????????????
what is this??????????????????????????some bollywood take off on the tragedy................who wants to hear what they have to say..............

Such gems we have collected:

1. RR Patil
2. Deshmukh
3. Kerala CM who is refusing to apologize to Major Unnikrishnan's family for his deragatory remarks
4. Bharatiya Janata Party leader Mukhtar Abbas Naqvi, on Monday, came up with a gem equating people protesting against politicians as terrorists.
5.Earlier Gujarat Chief Minister Narendra Modi had offered money to the widow of slain Anti-Terrorism Squad chief Kemant Karkare whom he had branded a villain just a few days ago
6. Amar Singh doing much the same in the case Delhi Police Inspector RC Sharma.

The Indian Spirit and the Need for Action

2008-12-01T15:48:00.000-05:00

Before I comment n the terror attack, I have to say I am shocked and grieving for the loss of human life. My prayers go out for all those who lost their lives in the Mumbai attack and may God give strength to their families and loved ones.

I will post my take on this incident but first I want to begin on a positive note and a promise to my country.

I read that Superstar Amitabh Bachchan has turned down an invitation of former US president Bill Clinton for a fund-raising event in Hong Kong, saying he is "not going to sing and dance" when the country and his city bleeds.

"I cancelled. I am not going to leave my country in this troubled hour to travel to a foreign land to lend cause to a foreign initiative, patronized and guided by a foreigner, for his benefit !! I need to see initiative here in my country," he wrote in his blog.

Cashing on this sentiment I think its high time India rose to this occassion ....asked the right questions, and is involved proactively. We blame the govt. the police etc etc etc...but do we blame ourselves for this mess?

We are equally to blame.
We elect these officials.
We choose not to vote.
When an honest officer is given transfer as a punishment we do not come together and protest.
We avoid security checks and look for ways to fool the system.
We do not demand and raise hue and cry for upgradation of the army, salaries for teachers.
Do not demand that Police be only accountable to the law and not the executive wing of Govt.

We fight about North Indians in Mumbai.
We ridicule the poorer states in India.
We squabble over language,religion, caste and regional superiority.
We celebrate malls being built on fertile agrarian lands and then lament our growing food dependency on other nations.
We do not learn from our mistakes.

But what we have going for us is:
We have a history and culture of tolerance, greatness and the ability to fight our own wars on our own terms.
We are resilient and strong and bounce back each and every time.

We will NOT say Chalta hai this time....We will stand united and strong.
We will start a revolution/kraanti of Vichaar/ thoughts, vyakti/individual and vitt/resources.
So let us do it for we CAN.

The Obama Dream

2008-11-10T22:33:00.000-05:00

As the euphoria over the Obama victory mellows down, I am still on a slow burn. I know this historical event which I was witness to, will remain a corner of hope and inspiration, in my heart and mind for decades to come.

Why did the Obama victory have such an universal appeal? Taking my own case for starters, I am political but not have been an avid follower of the ups and downs of the Republicans and the Democrats. But the Obama victory was beyond simple politics. Or that is how I choose to interpret it. It was about possibilities. It was about really believing in your dreams and it was about dreams coming true.

Keeping aside the fact that is is being considered one of the best run election campaigns in years and the fact that the economy lead to people clamoring for a change lets look at the other side of the story. A people's journey from the shores of Africa, shackled and treated worse than animals, completely stripped of basic human rights and dignity. A life of abject poverty and misery. The 'negro' staggered along what he considered his destiny. But many amongst them refused to submit and thus started the civil rights movement. The long fight for freedom, equality and opportunity began.So many names and so many historic milestones in that long and arduous journey.

The point being that someone or some people refused to believe that some thing or anything was unattainable. They dared to dream and their dreams were backed by courage and conviction. Obama is the climax to that dream. He has a tough task ahead. But I am not here to discuss that today. I want to speak about the tears flowing freely from the eyes of civil rights activists that election night, when the results were declared. I saw redemption unfolding slowly but surely. I saw a sparkle in the eyes of the African Americans. The next morning I saw them holding their heads a little higher, and noticed a skip in their steps. And I rejoiced with them.

I imagined this is what my country must have looked like, my countrymen must have felt the same range of emotions and more on 15Th August 1947. They must have felt invincible and unstoppable. A victory over the strongest imperial nation. Freedom from centuries of foreign rule, 347 years to be exact. A nation with leaders like Gandhi who were a force to reckon with and changed history forever. Gandhi inspired freedom movement in South Africa and also the Civil Rights Movement in US of A.

Our freedom fighters left us a legacy. A legacy to believe in oneself, to dream and to go after those dreams with courage and conviction. A dream that is India united in all its diversity. A dream which hangs by a thin thread today.So what stops us? Why is it easier to blame the system, the politics, the society versus owning up to the fact that we are a part of that very system, politics and society. We have taken for granted a freedom so hard fought. We shrink everyday into our little religious, regional, caste, class linguistic and cultural groups. We fail to rise and expand beyond these compartmentalizations. We love to discuss all that is wrong over a hot cup of tea without taking onus for anything. We refuse to take action till the bullet hits home. As long as its the neighbor who took the bullet we do not feel the need to act.

We do not vote. If we vote, we vote for our relative, "jaat wala" or someone who hails from our village/town/city. We choose to ignore the fact that the man/woman we voted for with whom we share the last name will do no justice to the position we are putting him in.

I think its high time we too voted for change, voted for hope,voted for freedom, voted for our children, voted for peace and harmony, voted for a better tomorrow. Let us rise above our affiliations and vote for content and character.

So Proud of America Today!!!

2008-11-05T00:36:00.000-05:00

History has been made today. A triumph for America and in many ways for the world too.The Americans have risen above race and voted for Barrack Obama, an African American, as the 44th President of America.

The Americans showed today that the color of the skin was not an issue for them. I was profoundly affected by what civil rights activists had to say. Especially Civil Rights activists who fought for equal rights and thought that they would not live to see an African American run for the President's office let alone win it. The sight of Jesse Jackson crying silently, moved me, as did the look of awe, hope,and renewed faith in the eyes of so many African Americans. This emotion is not limited to the African Americans though and is shared by one and all...a belief that dreams can and do come true.

A quick observation: Loved McCain's extremely gracious speech and equally loved Obama's victory speech, which filled and I guess many others with hope,hope for a better future, a better world.

As an an Indian and more importantly a Global Citizen,it was key for me that Mr. obama made a reference to climate change, terrorism and the importance of democracy and universal peace.

Its late and I am riding high on the euphoria all around. I have to say, that I am so proud of America today. I wish Mr. Obama, and America all the best, and pray for peace and harmony for the world.

My thoughts on the Mail

2008-10-25T23:02:00.000-04:00

My do paisa on this:

Though I am no Sherlock Holmes I am guessing,this mail has definitely been composed by a Maharashtrian and in in all likelihood I would have agreed with this wholeheartedly if I was a domicile of the state of Maharashtra and a person who has been momentarily blinded and possessed by "Sons of the Soil" sentiment.

First of all the mail begins with a reference to the suicide of farmers in Maharashtra, which is also a common phenomenon in Karnataka and Andhra Pradesh.These farmers are cotton farmers and the reason for their suicides are government apathy, the absence of a safety net for farmers, and lack of access to information related to agriculture. The detailed report has been submitted by TISS, Mumbai, my Alma mater, as requested by Bombay High Court.

I am not investigating all the legal angles in this mail and am assuming they are true. What is interesting is that though this mail says that it is not justifying the violence, it also says and I quote, "But has there been any choice Left today ???" LOL. Sick.

I wonder if the composer of this mail ever heard of something called PIL (Public Interest Litigation?) If the law and the clauses therein are so discriminatory to one particular "Zone" why not fight it out legally, rather than beat up poor students form a poverty stricken and politically defunct state. Or is Maharshtra not a part of this country? As far as the question of bearing the burden of BIMARU states like Bihar, MP, UP, Orissa goes...what should one do? cut them off and not deal with them at all. Let the people get poorer there? Suicides in Maharshtra are terrible and death related to abject poverty in Bihar, Orissa, MP, not the problem of a person holding a Maharashtra Domicile Certificate. Or has that person owning the prized domicile forgotten that he is first an Indian and then a Maharashtrian?
(BTW Bihar/Magadh was the richest, most educationally advanced state some centuries back. Now the tables have turned and, one never knows when and how soon it will reclaim its lost glory).

College admissons and employment should happen based on merit and domicile certificate is what the mail suggests. How stupid is that? Coming from a state whose fortunes are based almost entirely on one city Mumbai and Mumbai's success based almost completely on Gujratis, The Ambanis, and Parsis, The Tatas ,who originally hail from Jamshedpur, which is in erstwhile Bihar and now a part of Jharkhand, the solution is hilarious. Or probably the author of this mail has never visited "outsider" unfriendly states like Bengal, which have hardly any big industries. Or the state of Jammu and Kashmir which is governed by the draconian Article 370 which prevents non state subject from owning land in J&K amongst other things. Well J&K is like one big ghost town , banking heavily on tourism alone. There are no businesses, industries and the young have left their hometowns to earn a livelihood.By stopping non state subjects to be a part of the infrastructure the worst affected are the state subjects themselves. Most of the Jammuites including me pray for a day when Article 370 will be removed, non state subjects be allowed in our state, new businesses, and employment generation will definitely follow.

If all the major industries and big businesses of Mumbai were sent back to their owners', state of origin , Maharashtra would be bankrupt today.Bollywood, which is such a big industry was started by the Kapoors, Hrishikesh Mukherjee, Anands,Kamal Amrohi of the yesteryears and more recently dependent on Chopras, Barjatyas, Ghais, RG Vermas, Roshans, Bachhans.

I wonder what happens to the Central and private/deemed institutions and research centers which are amongst the cream of the nation like, TISS, IIT, Bhabha Atomic Research Center, TIFR(Tata Institute of Fundamental Research).

The composer of the mail never heard of give and you will get more. My advise to you Mr. Writer...look at the bigger picture and beyond your regional loyalties. There is very little difference between you and the Ugandan dictator Idi Amin who drove away the non Ugandans from his country. At least think of all the successful and happy Maharashtrians outside their home state ..so many of them doing so well in the US and elsewhere. Are they not cheating locals of their jobs?

The last line of the mail actually makes me sick to the stomach and I quote again " Let them also be aware of the Situation that may happen to their Jobs as well". What is he trying to warn us of? There are not many jobs in Bihar, Orissa, MP etc.......lets see you fight for development, job creation, poverty eradication, in these states, which are very much a part of our country too.

"Sons of the Soil" merits an equally impassioned mail about and solely about the failed agrarian sector in Maharshtra which is pure in its Maharshtrian essence/fabric and has not been diluted or rather adulterated by the Marwaris, Gujratis, Parsis and the "Bhaiyyas". It would have actually done a lot good to the state and the Marathi Manoos.

Fight the unfairness in a law, do not challenge the nation state and threaten its unity.

Someone Sent me a Mail

2008-10-25T22:36:00.000-04:00

Someone sent me a mail. And I am copy pasting it here because it is pertaining the Railway recruitment scandal, raj thackeray and the anti North Indian sentiment whipped up by him.

THE MAIL:
Sorry if u don't agreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
A time will come in Maharashtra when, just like the Farmers in Maharashtra, the Graduate Youth of this State will Commit Suicide !!!!
This situation will arise because, All the Jobs in Maharashatra then, will be Occupied by Non- Maharashtrians. Non Maharashtrians here means not people from North India, South India, etc., But those People who are Not Domiciled In Maharashtra. Similar situation may happen to people of other states too.
Railway Recruitment Board aspirants are Brutally Beaten Up !!!
There is large scale Rioting in Bandra, Kalyan, etc !!!!
THINK. Why this Situation has come up ???
The Actual Truth is this :-

Since Independence India's States were formed on the Basis of the Local Languages. Logical. Since 1976, The employment criteria of the Central Recruitment Board was divided into zones as per the General People of India. This division was based on the Local Language of the States.
Zone-A Bihar, Haryana, HP, MP, Rajasthan, UP, Andaman, Delhi formed the Hindi Speaking Zone.
Zone-B Maharashtra, Gujarat, Punjab & Chandigad, the Non Hindi Speaking Zone.
Zone-C Southern India States like Kerala, Karnataka, etc. & North Eastern States like Assam, Mizoram, Bengal etc.
The Central Employment Rule said that 'All Exams for Employments in the respective Zones shall be Held in the Respective States Only.' So that the Local People may get the Jobs in their Home Town.

Very Logical. For 30 Years everything was going Fine.

But since 1987, there was a Minor Change in the Rule 9 Part 9.2.2, for Zone -B Jobs. And this was made a Rule since 1988. This change was that 'As an optional Language of employement, People of Zone-A can Apply for Jobs in Zone-B.' This opened up doors of Employement for All Zone-A aspirants in Zone-B areas.

But with this Clause there was a Sub-Clause, stating ' The Notice of Jobs in Zone-B areas for Zone-A aspirants, May be given in Zone-A Areas only.' Because of this, Recruitment Notices for Jobs in Maharashtra, etc. are Displayed Only in states like UP, Bihar, Rajasthan, etc. But these Notices are Seldom displayed in Newspapers of Maharashtra, etc.

So this time, for the 3000 Railway Posts in Maharashtra, 12000 Aspirants came from Zone-A areas. The Result of this is that, the Un-employed of Maharashtra is Remaining Un-employed. This will surely lead to Suicides in Due Course.
Many Parties over these years Requested the Central Recruitment Board to Cancel this Clause. But this was Not done. The Result of this is, the Large Scale Beating Up and Rioting Today. This violent means is Not Correct. But has there been any choice Left today ???
This mail is Not to Justify Violence, but to show to you how some Politicians, by Modifying some Rules, have Subtly ensured that their Constituency people get Better Employements. Why should all these Politicians hold rallies in Maharashtra ???

Today many TCs, Booking Clerks, GRP, in the Mumbai Railways are from Zone-A areas. This is a Fact.

What Should Be Done ;- College Admissions and Employments should be Given on the Basis of 1)Merit & 2)Domicile Certificates.
Agreed, 10-15% Out of Maharashtra People may be Allowed. But First Think of the Sons of Soil. This should be applicable Not Only in Maharashtra, but also in other States.
Read and if you agree kindly Forward to Not Only Marathi People, But also to Non-Maharashtrians. Let them also be aware of the Situation that may happen to their Jobs as well.

My 2 cents follow in the next post.

Laloo and Raj

2008-10-21T21:58:00.000-04:00

In all fairness when I ranted and raved about Raj Thackeray yesterday, I was not completely aware of Laloo's role in the Railway Exams. Apparently the information about the upcoming exams was published only in local papers of Bihar. Hence Raj and his boys cried foul play and instead of bravely taking on the bull by its horns decided it was easier and more attention and headline grabbing to beat up the North Indians particularly unarmed and innocent UPites and Biharis.

I wonder what are the "Bhaiyas" from Jaunpur/Gorakhpur and remote poverty stricken places in Bihar who drive autos and taxis , guilty of? Many autos and taxis were attacked by the MNS bullies.

My do paisa on this: I wish RT was a true leader and brave enough to beat up Laloo. I am sure even the people of Bihar would have thanked him. I hope someone tells him that India is still a democracy and weas citizens of this country still bound by laws. And beating up innocent people and spreading hatred and regional intolerance is shameful.

Newsflash: Shiv Sena in an effort to keep up with this hate race is promising a "bigger movement" on the issue of unfair representation of Maharashtrians in the railways. Senior Shiv Sena leader Manohar Joshi said in the Rajya Sabha that the people in Maharashtra would not "tolerate" outsiders coming to the state.

"Outsiders will come (to Maharashtra). This will not go on," Joshi said sparking protests.

So the nautanki continues.

Hail The Emerging Ku Klux Klan in India

2008-10-20T23:22:00.000-04:00

I am still busy and finding it difficult to take out time and write. But I was just too furious to give this a pass.
The blue eyed boy of Mumbai or so he likes to think of himself has elicited such a reponse from me. I am talking of Maharashtra Navnirman Sena (MNS) chief Raj Thackeray. He wins the "Fresh Face/ Best Newcomer" award for the Ku Klux Klan annual awards hands down.There were many contenders, in the race, Article 370, seperatists in Kashmir, Hate All Hindi Speaking Groups in Tamil Nadu, The countless Brahmin/ Rajput/Kayastha/Vaishya/etc etc etc Samaajs, Ranvir Sena, SIMI, Bajrang Dal,Khalistan Supporters, Osama lovers, Dot Busters in New Jersey who targeted Indians in the 1980's................................

But all of them and many more are yesterday's news. Today the buzz word is Raj Thackeray. And I guess this is what he wanted anyways. A spoilt child throwing temper tantrums to get some attention. Well the spoilt child more often than less breaks some expensive and precious items in the process. So Raj Thackeray, is determined to tear and mutilate the tolerant, all embracing,cosmopolitan nature of Mumbai. He is destroying the very essence of Mumbai. I think he missed the staple of our childhood: DD's beloved "Ek Titlee, Anek Titleeyaan"...the Anekta mein Ekta message.

He and his Maharashtra Navnirman Sena attacked and disrupted and brutally attacked North Indian Railway Exams and its North Indian candidates. Supposedly they were angry with unfair representation of 'locals' in the exam ..whatever that means..And yes freedom of expression has been stretched thin by Mr. Raj Thackeray and his party. Goondaraj at its best. Xenophobia at its best.

I wonder what this self procalaimed Messiah of the Maharashtrain People has to say about this:

1) Succesful Maharashtrains in the US of A. These Maharashtrians moved to the US for purely economic reasons. The wanted to make more money and had dreams of a better life. Beware my dear Maharashtrain friends who are outside Maharashtra for economic and other reasons. You have no right to make a honest living if it is outside Maharashtra according to RT's logic.

2) All the Maharashtrian actors like Madhuri Dixit, Nana Patekar, Sonali Bendre, Amol Palekar, Shreyas Talpade..............should be punished for working in Hindi movies, going by the same logic. They should have stuck to Marathi Theatre and films.

3) How dare the women of Maharashtra wear Salwar Kameez a traditional attire of North India. Its sacrilege. They should sweat it out in their 9 yard saris.

4) Shiv Sena and Maharashtra Navnirman Sena and other local parties should remain - that local. Please abort all nationalistic dreams. Local parties elsewhere are not given a fair chance when you open party offices in other states.

5) When there is an an external attack/ or God forbid natural calamity in Maharashtra, what should the CRPF, BSF and the Army do? Wait for RT to decide if the North Indian officers have the right to act in Maharashtra or will that too be seen as an anti- Maharashtra conspiracy.

Well RT you are not going far with this ideology. "Mla Marathi yet nai" should not become a crime however much you wish for it. The latest is that RT got arrested in Ratnagiri though he had threatened that Maharashtra will burn if he gets arrested. Shudder Shudder!!! All I have to say to you Mr. RT grow up and get a life or atleast a new political strategist.

Kripya Prateeksha Karien

2008-09-30T23:11:00.000-04:00

Some of you have been curious about "De Militarize Civilian Kashmir" on my Orkut profile. Well if truth be told the addition of that by-line/statement/one liner/whatever is the emotional, humanist me. I have been asked questions about it...questions filled with curiosity, accusation, betrayal, surprise, anger too. Admittedly there have been some heart felt thank yous and good job's too. Reactions varying in nature and in intensity.

But the explanation for it is where this article's title comes in...Kripya Prateeksha Karien..:) You will have to hang on for the revelation :)
I am not guilty of trying to build up the mystery but am simply pressed for time.

I have too many things on my plate these days and I am at that point in my life that I ask myself the following questions everyday...

1) What was I thinking???????

2) What day is it today? At least 3 times in one day.

3) When did I last comb my hair? I mean really run a comb starting from my roots to the end of the hair shafts.I know that is how one combs but if you have long hair and have been really busy at any point in your life you know what it is to comb on such days...gather all your hair up and tie it in a fashionably messy bun/knot high up on your head. I am convinced, this hairdo is deservedly called 'fashionably messy/sexy bedroom hair' and really I am too busy to even consider or care about a different opinion.

4) I have driven and then suddenly jolted into a state of high alert when I realize I drove for the last 10 minutes not really knowing where I was driving to.

5) I have been guiltily and not so guiltily and frequently popping miniature Hershey kisses..a sign that I am under stress.

6) I have been writing dry one liners in response to some of my dear friends long mails...I am so sorry, I promise I will make up to you guys. And for those dear dear friends, whom I should be calling..please dont give up on me. The phone will ring ..sometime...soon..

So hang on, I will land soon enough. To all those who have praised me for my multi tasking, muaaah, I love you all and your words keep me going. And for all those "I told you so's" and tsks tsks on my insane schedule...drop it ..I will never learn and never change. I am a moth driven to the flame. This flame of intellectual stimulation and challenging myself to the point where it can also get mentally and physically challenging.

But this moth would die without this flight to this flame.

Child Trafficking in Flood Affected Areas in Bihar

2008-09-23T21:34:00.000-04:00

How evil can evil get? Evil is not human and definitely has no emotions except for more evil. These are some thoughts that flitted through my mind when I was mailed a report of increase in trafficking in flood affected areas in Bihar. I mean, is there no end to depravity? How can one do this really? It has to be evil within, which allows for actions of such nature.Here are some facts for you about the trafficking and the good work being done by Bachpan Bachao Andolan, A Child Rights NGO (BBA), :

1) There has been a spontaneous increase in human trafficking, in particular of the children from Saharsa, Supaul, Araria, Purnia, Madhepura, Katihar, Sitamarhi and other flood affected districts. It is not difficult to see the large number of traffickers luring away children from the flood prone villages, relief camps, bus stations, and railway stations in these districts- all in the name of providing relief from this flood.

2) Rescue operations since 26 August 2008:
More than 100 complaints were received and 22 children between the age group of 8-13 years have been physically rescued by BBA,activists from the clutches of traffickers from Saharsa and Katihar railway stations. These children told in their statements that the traffickers had given an advance amount to their parents and promised to take them to Delhi, Mumbai, Kolkata and other cities.

3) Legal action: 5 traffickers have been arrested and cases booked against them for trafficking of children. Legal action would be initiated against all perpetrators of trafficking.

4) Government actions: BBA has written letters to the Prime Minister bringing the situation to his light, and to railway authorities and the district magistrates of all affected districts to prevent trafficking. Upon BBA’s appeal, the District Magistrate of Saharsa, Mr. R.Laxman met with the railway authorities to step up vigilance in the railway stations and prevent trafficking.

5) Recorded messages relayed at Saharsa railway station: Recorded audio messages of the appeal are being relayed through an audio system in the Saharsa railway station. This has proven to be very effective and has had a huge impact in generating awareness. BBA plans to replicate this model in other places as well.

6) Awareness among flood victims: In Saharsa, Madhepura, Katihar, Darbhanga and Araria, BBA activists have reached all relief camps in the area. The activists and volunteers are generating awareness against trafficking through the word of mouth, posters, leaflets, radio messages etc.

7) Training of and coordination with local NGOs and religious workers is being done to sensitise the people on trafficking.

8) A 24 hour helpline is being initiated in Delhi where complaints about children being trafficked would be taken and immediate necessary action initiated.

9) Media action: Electronic and print media – news channels, dailies and magazines would be mobilised to sensitise and generate awareness among the people and the civil society as well. Advertisements would be aired, audio messages relayed and press releases issued. This would have an impact on the general public as well as the government bodies.

10) People’s Commission: A people’s commission on child trafficking of flood victims is being proposed by BBA with some of the most reputed and acknowledged individuals in Bihar.

Some Links:
http://www.bba.org.in/news/mail-today.html
http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=JE5RPjMTpS0
http://economictimes.indiatimes.com/News/PoliticsNation/Kids_rescued
_from_human_traffickers_in_flood-hit_Bihar/articleshow/3468867.cms

http://www.freshnews.in/14-trafficked-children-rescued-in-flood-hit-bihar-67594

Mumbai Meri Jaan

2008-09-11T21:33:00.000-04:00

I have lived in Delhi for three years and then anther 3 years I spent in Mumbai. I was in the college hostel in Delhi. The hostel had ridiculously strict rules and me being the typical fresh faced small towner rarely ventured out or ventured too far. But whenever I did, I faced always without fail some kind of eve teasing, or sexual harassment. Travelling by public transport was nearly impossible and taking the autorickshaw not only expensive but no safer. In fact the auto driver would also end up fleecing me thanks to my ignorance about the city and rigged meters. I was always struck by how no one seemed to be inclined to help a damsel in distress. I was also told by a fatherly auto driver that he avoids taking young female passengers after 7 p.m because he has been hounded by men in cars, catcalling and indulging in far worse. He told me he could not stand such behavior but felt helpless and preferred to not put himself in such a situation.

As opposed to this Mumbai where I did my Post Grad was refreshingly and surprisingly different. It is an egalitarian society where the top financial analyst and an average Joe would travel by the same train and by the same compartment even. In case of a 'takkar'/ accident the auto driver could get out and fight it out with the driver of the Mercedes car without the fear of hearing " tu jaanta hai tu kisse baat kar raha hai" dialogue commonly heard in Delhi. The public is disciplined to the point of being awe inspiring. I have seen long queues in bus stands snaking past the overhead shed and standing in order, come sunshine or rain. The auto/cab drivers seem so professional and one is never cheated. There are some exceptions though especially at Dadar and Kurla station. But these are few. I have also accosted men for eve teasing with a confidence that the 'aam junta' will support me and beat the perpetrator to pulp. I even found the Mumbai Police more approachable versus their Delhi counterparts. I could travel freely and without fear in Mumbai at odd hours. The lone police constable in the ladies compartment of the local train after 9 pm was always a reassuring sight.Simply said I love the energy and the people of Mumbai.

I am not starting a Delhi vs. Mumbai debate.I mentioned Delhi because that is the only other metro besides Mumbai that I have lived in. And I will now directly come to the point....

What is Raj Thackeray doing with the spirit and the image of Mumbai?

What is this insider vs outsider clash? The last I heard nothing akin to Article 370 applies to the state of Maharashtra. When did living in Mumbai and despite loving it , it was anti-Marathi/maharashtrains to mention your birth place and speak in your native tongue.

”When in Maharashtra, they must act like Maharashtrians. They (referring to SP) must adopt our way like saying Mumbai and not Bambai,” Shishir Shinde, MNS (Maharashtra Navnirman Sena)spokesperson.

Shiv Sena has been debating for quite sometime now whether to push for a more inclusive Hindutva identity or to stick to its regional Marathi Manoos identity - sons of the soil versus migrants.

Raj Thackeray took advantage of this and has become the born again messiah of the Marathi Manoos.....defending them from the evil North Indians. He has been attacking one and all...from Bollywood demi Gods like Amitabh Bachhan, Shahrukh Khan to Mumbai's Joint Police Commissioner, K L Prasad. He has been holding the city to ransom with threats of violence.

Issues like water, congestion, pollution, thoughtless urbanization , health, etc become non issues in the face of Mumbai vs. Bombay, North Indian vs. Maharashtrian.....

So who really is a Mumbaikar?

Jammu vs. Kashmir, Mumbai vs.North Indians.....different players, a new playing field but the same game, with a dash of local flavor respectively.........at stake the upcoming assembly elections........

Driving in the Rain

2008-09-09T14:49:00.000-04:00

My daily ritual includes driving through a park - a park which unlike the parks back home is a heavily wooded area. The small winding road is lined by huge trees and one is fooled into fantasizing that it is a drive through a thick forest. I choose this route over an alternate quicker one. Because this drive through my 'forest' never fails to bring some sort of peace and tranquility to my frazzled, over worked and sleep deprived mind.

Today morning when a million thoughts were vying for attention I eneterd my 'forest' and it was like someone switching off a harsh flourescent bulb in favor of a soft romantic table lamp. I have noticed how messy rooms look cleaner, people in the room more beautiful, the ambience suddenly more romantic just by a small change in lighting. The same happens to me when I enter this 'forest'. The lines creasing my forehead suddenly relax. The clamoring thoughts silenced. I swear even the music playing in my car radio suddenly seems to get better. A smile plays on my lips while my eyes feast on nature's bounty.

Today it was raining heavily and as I channel surfed through the issues in my head...troubles ailing Jammu & Kashmir besides a zillion others...I entered my 'zone'. And what a sight it was...a green like no other green, the branches of those majestic trees heavy with raindrops, little puddles everywhere, a wet squirrel darting in and out...it was wet and green and wet and green...
It reminded me of cycling back from school under the gulmohar trees, the smell of rubber..the'duckback' raincoats, the music and romanticizing the rain endlessly in the college hostel, the not so pleasant wading through knee high rainwater in Mumbai, the ducking under heavy 'rajais' and hugging a 'kangri' during bone chilling winter rains in Jammu, pakoras, munching on a 'garam bhutta' while soaked to the skin in Lonavala, the daily evening rains in Nigeria,running around gleefully as a kid with my brother near Lake Geneva and finally dreaming dreams of spending many a days watching the rain from my cozy little cottage up in the mountains some day..................

I do not remember the last time I got wet in the rain with a sense of absolute joy and abandonment. I will get back to my endless, sometimes pleasant and sometimes not so pleasant musings and to my political blogging but for the moment I thank God for this beautiful earth and this beautiful life. Let there be Peace and Let there be Rain :)

Discrimination : Myth Or Not?

2008-09-08T22:10:00.001-04:00

I was planning a post on the Indian Army/CRPf etc in Kashmir and why there is an immediate need for de-militarization. But this post is inspired by the comment or rather article cut copied and posted by my friend Shah who is now my most avid reader and my best critic.

To my other readers please read the 7th comment for the previous post by Shah. This post is in response to that. This is also a cut copy paste from Jaidev Jamwal's researched data.Thanks Jaidev.

Compare size and population of Jammu Vs Kashmir. Jammu is bigger with more voters, but pays more taxes almost 2/3rds of total. Then see what we get less of a lot of things.

1) TOTAL AREA (sq KM)-----------Jammu 26293````````Kashmir 15948

2) VOTERS------------------------ Jammu 3091193`````Kashmir 2986670

3) LOK SABHA SEATS------------- Jammu 2 ```Kashmir 3

4) STATE ASSEMBLY SEATS------- Jammu 37 `````Kashmir 46

5) REVENUE COLLECTION ---- --- Jammu 70% `````Kashmir 30%

Examples

a) Electricity(2007-08)
Target---- Jammu 417 crore`````Kashmir 519 crore
Realised ---Jammu 443 crore ```Kashmir 246 crore

b) Sales Tax since 1957-2007--- Jammu 2474.8crore ````Kashmir 1075.2 crore

6) a)Non-plan Expenditure------- Jammu 35% ````` Kashmir 65%

Notice the discrepancies and compare the size and population of 2 divisions.
Each figure is in crores and it refers to the 8th and 9th Plan respectively.

1)Agriculture____ Jammu 57.6 ---Kashmir 104.5 ~~~Jammu 147.3 ---Kashmir 253.7

2) Irrigation____ Jammu 91.1---Kashmir 136.6~~~Jammu 112.7 ---Kashmir 210

3)Roads & Building __Jammu 144.2 ---Kashmir 247.2~~~Jammu 229.3---Kashmir 403.6

4)Health ______ Jammu 123.8---Kashmir 135.34~~~Jammu 229.3--- Kashmir 274.45

5)Tourism ______ Jammu 15.2---Kashmir 34.39~~~ Jammu 34.9 --- Kashmir 58

6)Power______ Jammu 516.75 ---Kashmir 775.1~~~Jammu 56.94--- Kashmir 85.4

7) Sewerage____ Jammu 2.9 ---Kashmir 6.8~~~Jammu 6.2---Kashmir 14.6

8) Drainage____ Jammu 20.37---Kashmir 47.53~~~Jammu 27.84---Kashmir 64.96

Details compiled from J&K State Govt sources and
http://www.planningcommission.nic.in/plans/stateplan/stplsf.htm
http://indiatoday.digitaltoday.in/index.php?option=com_content&issueid=68&task=view&id=13627§ionid=23&Itemid=1
http://dailyexcelsior.com

Though it may seem like a Jammu VS. Kahmir debate, it was not intended to be so. Though it will probably turn into one in the near future. I had to put these facts up to throw light on what is really happening in the State and why the people of Jammu who suffer an identity crisis beyond their state borders stood up unanimously raising their voice for their rights. This was not a communal issue but more of a fight for our rights to land and property in our own state. The land was not going to be used for a training camp for the militants, it was not for an institution which would hold mass conversions...it was going to be used for no subversive activities.

It was for some necessary provisions for the yatris. There are no clean, private toilets, no hot water and the the pilgrims are fleeced by the locals and charged 5-10times for everything. A piligrim is charged anything upwards of 1800 rs. for spending one night in a cloth tent shared by 5-10 other people in sub-zero temperatures and occasional snowfall, landslides, hail and rain. 250 pilgrims died because of bad weather conditions in the recent past. Was a demand by the state subjects to provide basic amenities to pilgrims too much to ask for?

The peaceful protests by the Jammuites, despite anti-national comments like....'this is our land, agar le sakte ho to le lo"...and "We will not give an inch of our land"
is a measure of the kind of people they are. The Dogras and Ladakhis of the State who had long decided that they are an integral part of India have to suffer because of the indecisive, misguided and leaderless Kashmir. I do not condone the call for 'Azadi' but I do not support it too. But being labelled as communal pushes me against the wall. I too feel like calling for 'Azadi' ...azadi from this troubled paradise, azadi from obscurity and invisibilty of my region and azadi from the Article 370 which ruins my chances to live 'normally' in the nation state of my choice.

So What Was It All About? Part 2

2008-09-03T23:37:00.000-04:00

Amarnath Yatra has been a shining example of communal harmony, sufism in Kashmir and the composite culture of the state. So really what was it all about? If things were so simple , no land was being transfer ed to anyone permanently,no permanent structures were being planned,the local populations depend on this yatra for economic reasons, what was the hullabaloo about. I am grappling with this fundamental question and am debating between which of the conspiracy theories to choose from. The theories in question are:

1. PDP decided that it was not winning any big battles read seats in the 2009 elections and needed something to lean on for a decent show in the upcoming elections. What better than Hindu vs Muslim, us vs them ploy which never fails to disappoint. I have no doubts that PDP and Mehbooba Mufti are to blame for starting this mess. What Ms. Mufti did not expect I guess was a resounding response from the Jammu region which has no history (in the last 61 yrs) of any kind of political activism. The situation quickly spiralled out of control with separatists in Kashmir finding new vigor and voice. This separatist angle does not suit the PDP too. Hence as a saving face gimmick Ms. Mehbooba has been calling for starting trade between POK and Kashmir and the opening the Muzzafarabad Road. Unfortunately for her and funnily for the rest of us, many PDP ministers have been beaten and their cars stoned by the local Kashmiri Muslims, during this entire land drama. I do not see them winning too many seats after all.

2. Mr. Prem Shankar Jha who is called an expert on Kashmir and is just that in my opinion. He is not an expert in the history and psyche of the people of the Jammu region. Mr. Jha has mentioned a land scam, where land was going to be sold for ridiculous prices and it was a big racket which went bust. Well if we were to believe that then it is quite likely that the some of the parties involved wanted a bigger portion in the scheme of things and when that did not happen like a bad player decided to ruin things for the rest of the players. Again I have a feeling they did expect or were prepared for the game to be completely hijacked by the separatist voices in Kashmir and by the suddenly awake, alive and kicking Jammuites.

3. What was glaringly absent was Mr. Prime minister's direct and intense involvement in the issue. All the cry about economic blockade, could the Center not have air lifted the 'baby food'which was scarce amongst other things in the valley and shut the separatists up. The Home Minister of course has proved he is not suited for the job. This whole things reeks of the opportunistic politics Congress excels in. It did not want to get its hands dirty just before the upcoming elections. It played safe at the cost of a troubled state becoming more divided.

4. The hostage crisis left the separatists labelling it as a staged encounter by the Indian Government. If true it only reflects the sorry state of the region's politics. Though the recent build up of militants on the border should put things in a different perspective.

5. Pakistan would have had marathon parties to celebrate what was happening in J&K if it was not too busy cleaning up its own internal mess. From the impeachment of Musharraf to the recent US attacks on its soil against its innocent civilians, it should really focus on things ailing them. Though the state of affairs in J&K was an excellent opportunity for Pakistan to add to the activities of its Department of Kashmir, The Unfinished Agenda. It made grand statements about protecting the Human Rights of the Kashmiris and appealing for international intervention, all the while breaching the cease fire and allowing militant build up n the border and aiding their infiltration.

The State of Things as they are now:

1. An awakened Jammu which has found its lost voice finally. Such a large scale people's movement has not been witnessed in the country in the recent past. We will see more political activism from this region in future. BJP by supporting this people's movement stands a good chance of winning the maximum seats if not all in this region. If tomorrow the Sangharsh Samiti decides to contest the elections, undoubtedly they will be the winners hands down.

2. An awakened and renewed demand for freedom in the valley. There will be debates and discussions and maybe the freedom movement in Kashmir will take a new direction, under new leadership.

3. The Amarnath issue has brought to sharp focus once again the HR violations in the valley. There is a need for de militantization and de militarization for a return to normalcy. It is a must for winning the trust of the people and giving peace a serious chance.

At the end of the day I am thankful for the political awakening of the people of Jammu. That is how I see it irrespective of the communal labels applied to this movement by the so called experts. As far as I am concerned no real experts on the Jammu region were interviewed in any of the TV debates or interviews.

The cries of Bum Bum Bhole and Nizame Mustafa reiterates the fact that the line between religion and the civil society are very hazy and easily overlap at times.

The burning of the Indian flags and cries of Jeevay Jeevay Pakistan throws light to the nature of separatist leadership and the separatist voices in the valley.

I am grateful that Human Rights violations have been thrown up for discussion once again and hopefully measures will be taken to correct and improve the conditions in the valley.

I am thankful that questions about the return of Kashmiri Pandits have been raised once again and maybe the new blood in the valley who say that they want their Pandit brothers back will march to Delhi/Jammu/ Muzzaffarabad or a place of their choice to demand a return of the KPs.

All the economic losses suffered by the state is a terrible waste.

I am also sorry for all the innocent lives lost and the lingering bitterness between Jammu and Kashmir.

I am hopeful that the state known for its natural beauty, will witness a revival of Sufi Kashmiriyat and communal harmony and bounce back to its full glory.

So What Was It All About? Part 1

2008-09-03T21:34:00.000-04:00

I went out of the state for the weekend and when I came back all was back to 'normal' in Jammu and Kashmir, or atleast in Jammu. There were huge victory rallies in the Jammu Region after the retoration of land to the Shrine Board. Basically the cancellation of the land order has been revoked and we have arrived at status quo. The most important points of the order are:

A. The State Government shall set aside for the use by Shri Amarnathji Shrine Board, exclusively, the land in Baltal and Domail (Compartment No. 63/S, Sindh Forest Division) comprising an area of 800 kanals, traditionally under use for the annual Yatra purposes.

B. The proprietary status/ownership/title of the land shall not undergo any change.

C. The Board shall use the aforesaid land for the duration of the Yatra (including the period of making the required arrangements and winding up of the same) for the purpose of user by various service providers according to its needs and priorities.

'The aforesaid land shall be used according to the Board's requirements, from time to time, including for the following:-

i. 'Raising of temporary pre-fabricated accommodation and toilet facilities by the Board;

ii. 'Establishment of tented accommodation by private camping agencies (locals, permanent residents of the State);

iii. Setting up of the shops by shopkeepers (locals, permanent residents of the State);

iv. Facilities for Ponywallahs and Pithuwallahs;

v. Provision of healthcare and medical facilities;

vi. Setting up of free Langars by private persons and groups which are licensed by the Board;

vii.Facilities for helicopter operations/ parking of vehicles;

viii Arrangements of security by local police/para-military forces and other security agencies as per the arrangements in place here-to-fore; and

ix. Undertaking measures relating to soil conservation, land protection and preservation of ecology.

It has further been agreed that the Board shall continue to remain responsible for the overall arrangements of the Yatra on both the routes during the Yatra period, including all arrangements as mandated under the provisions of the Shri Amarnathji Shrine Act, 2000 A.D.

What were they thinking?

2008-08-27T23:43:00.000-04:00

Today as every Indian news channel is recounting the horrors of the 16 hour long hostage drama in Jammu, Jammu is still reeling under the shock of the incident and is warily coming terms to the fact that some of the militants are supposed to be still missing. The valley is maintaining a stoic silence. And I am wondering what some of these people were thinking?

* The BSF personnel who discovered that the fence on the Indo-Pak border had been cut and militants had infiltrated at 12:30 a.m on Tuesday. The fact that they hid in the bushes for 30 hours undiscovered before venturing out, is not being looked upon kindly by the civilians and villagers of the surrounding area.

* The driver of a load carrier auto No. 5843 JK02C at village Gadla in Lalyala area of Kanachak sector.He was Darshan Lal son of Leelu Ram R/o Gadla, Kanachak. Two militants took positions on front seat of the auto and forced Darshan Lal to drive.

* The five or six Gujjars who along with their large milk containers were also sitting in back portion of the auto. One of the militant sat with them in the back. The militants were wearing ‘khaki’ dresses of police which they had brought with them from Pakistan and were carrying assault rifles, ammunition belts, grenades and some other devices.

* The police/army personnel who tried to intercept Darshan Lal's auto carrying the 3 militants and the innocent Gujjars at various check points.

* What did Havildar Netar Singh and Sepoy Yashpal, both from Ist JAK Li, think before they were fired at by the militants at an Army naka outside Kanachak Dak Bungalow.

* Naib Subedar (JCO) VVK Parkashan's last thoughts before he got shot and died on spot at Domana.

* What was Army jawan Sepoy Pal Panion of 61 Field Regiment thinking as he chased the auto on a civilian’s motor-cycle before he too was shot at by the militants and injured seriously.

* A Gujjar Muslim identified as Mohd Shabir tried to grapple with the militant sitting on back portion of the auto in a bid to snatch his weapon. The militant threw him out of the vehicle near Domana and opened firing on him but he survived the shots. What was he thinking?

* At Keran Patian Darshan Lal's auto stopped and the militants hijacked another auto.The auto was being driven by Havildar Vijay Kumar son of Sita Ram R/o Keran Patian, who had come to his house on leave from his place of posting at Jaipur and was driving his father's auto to reach to the main road from where he was scheduled to leave for Himachal Pradesh.
Vijay Kumar categorically refused to give lift to the militants and was shot dead. What was he thinking when he heroically refused to drive and what is his family thinking now?

* The militants, rendered without a vehicle, then started targeting civilians and opened firing on a motor-cycle killing Showkat Hussain son of Saif Ali R/o Khairi, Bantalab. Showkat’s brother, a police constable who was sitting behind on the bike, had a narrow escape in the firing. Another constable, Joginder Singh too survived the firing.

* The militants tried to enter into the house of another Subedar (Retired) JCO Naseeb Singh son of Vidhu Singh but he too resisted the attempt and was gunned down.

* Two labourers, moving in the village, were also shot at by the militants and injured seriously. They have been identified as Uttam Acharya son of George Acharya R/o Assam and Ragha Behlev Rai son of Berin Rai R/o Bihar, both of whom were putting up at Keran Patian. Assam and Bihar... so far away from home to make a honest living. What are they thinking as they struggle to survive.

* 60 year old civilian Sarasa Ram son of Mangi Ram R/o Chinore suffered a heart attack after hearing sound of gun shots during the gunbattle and was rushed to GMC Jammu where he breathed his last.

* The villagers of Keran Patian were sleeping at 6:15 a.m and most of the houses were bolted form inside. The militants tried entering a few houses and failed. The villagers must be thinking what if they had not bolted their doors which is not very unusual in a small town/village, what if....

* Billo Ram's house was unfortunately not bolted form inside as Billo Ram had gone to Government Medical Collge/ Hospital for treatment. He had beenbitten by a snake. A neighbor was present in his house at the time besides Billo Ram's mother, 35 yr. old wife, 4 children, the oldest being 9 and the youngest being 2, his brother-in-law and a tenant who is also a teacher. What did all these people think when they saw these militants barging in early in the morning with AK 47s and hand grenades.

* What went through Billo Ram's mind as he heard the news and rushed back from the hospital. What was he thinking for the 16 hours...the time it took for this hostage drama to end, not knowing whether his family was alive or not.

* What went through the 35 yr. old Sunita's mind, mother to the 4 children as she hid in a room with her brother. How did she explain all this to her children. How did she shush her crying 2 yr. old and pacify her frightened 3 yr. old. I am also wondering what those children ate or did not eat for those 16 hours. It is being reported that when the hostage drama ended Sunita had a gunshot wound on her thigh and she was rushed to the hospital. The children it is said took 2 hours to come out of this shock.

* And finally what went on, through the minds of those Pakistani terrorists who killed so easily and were ready to die so willingly. How had they been brainwashed? had they or their families been promised money, or was it the lure of 'jannat' or the 76 or so virgins awaiting them in heaven?How do you learn to hate so? Really, what were they thinking?

I can only mull over these questions and make conjectures. The questions bothersome and the answers even more difficult.

UN Resolution of 1948

2008-08-25T15:31:00.000-04:00

There has been a lot of talk about the right to self determination and plebiscite as decided by the UN. I would like to skim through some essential points to highlight how the involvement of both India and Pakistan are important for holding a referendum and why it failed in the first place.

Lots of Pro Azadi and Pro Pakistan Kashmiri Muslims have been alleging that India is solely responsible for the failure of the plebiscite not taking place.

Well following are some points which need to be understood.
There is a misunderstanding that the resolution contained only a plebiscite. The resolution contains three steps in sequence.

a)Cease Fire(was implemented and the result is present day LOC)

b)Truce agreement(produced BELOW)

c)Plebiscite

Often the plebiscite is quoted by Pakistani authorities without the mention of truce agreement.The logical step should be implement Cease fire—Truce agreement—and then Plebiscite for Kashmiris to determine their fate.

The Resolution of the U.N. Security Council of August 13, 1948 to which Pakistan was a party but observed it only in its breach reads:

Part 1 was the Cease fire agreement which resulted in LOC.

Part 2 was truce agreement which was not respected by Pakistan

Simultaneously with the acceptance of the proposal for the immediate cessation of hostilities as outlined in Part I, both Governments accept the following principles as a basis for the formulation of a truce agreement, the details of which shall be worked out in discussion between n their representatives and the Commission .
A
1. As the presence of troops of Pakistan in the territory of the State of Jammu and Kashmir constitutes a material change in the situation since it was represented by the Government of Pakistan before the Security Council, the Government of Pakistan agrees to withdraw its troops from that State.
2. The Government of Pakistan will use its best endeavour to secure the withdrawal from the State of Jammu and Kashmir of tribesmen and Pakistani nationals not normally resident therein who have entered the State for the purpose of fighting.
3. Pending a final solution, the territory evacuated by the Pakistani troops will be administered by the local authorities under the surveillance of the Commission.

B
1. When the Commission shall have notified the Government of India that the tribesmen and Pakistani nationals referred to in Part II, A, 2 hereof have withdrawn, thereby terminating the situation which was represented by the Government of India to the Security Council as having occasioned the presence of Indian forces in the State of Jammu and Kashmir, and further, that the Pakistani forces are being withdrawn from the State of Jammu and Kashmir, the Government of India agrees to begin to withdraw the bulk of its forces from that State in stages to be agreed upon with the Commission.
2. Pending the acceptance of the conditions for a final settlement of the situation in the State of Jammu and Kashmir, the Indian Government will maintain within the lines existing at the moment of the cease-fire the minimum strength of its forces which in agreement with the Commission are considered necessary to assist local authorities in the observance of law and order The Commission will have observers stationed where it deems necessary.
3. The Government of India will undertake to ensure that the Government of the State of Jammu and Kashmir will take all measures within its powers to make it publicly known that peace, law and order will be safeguarded and that all human and political rights will be guaranteed.

4. Upon signature, the full text of the truce agreement or a communique containing the principles thereof as agreed upon between the two Governments and the Commission, will be made public.
PART III
Government of India and the Government of Pakistan reaffirm their wish that the future status of the State of Jammu and Kashmir shall be determined in accordance with the will of the people and to that end, upon acceptance of the truce agreement, both Governments agree to enter into consultations with the Commission to determine fair and equitable conditions whereby such free expression will be assured.

Since there have been Pro Pakistan slogans in the valley , I questions the logic behind this love for Pakistan. After reading the UN Resolution, anybody would find it difficult to justify the school of thought which touts that Pakistan is invested in the interests and welfare of the people of Kashmir.

In my opinion the azadi movement glaringly lacks true and honest leadership. Geelani is unquestionably on Pakistan's payroll and has made it clear that he defines an Azad Kashmir as a Kasmir which is part of Pakistan. There are many in the valley who clearly do not want this and are being mislead by this kind of leadership. Some Kashmiri Muslims claimed that the chant 'jeevay,jeevay Pakistan' to incite the CRPF, the Army etc.They fail to see that the Pro Pakistani leadership wants them to do so because they want to provoke the armed forces, pray for casualties will follow, consequently adding more fuel to the fire.

The true azadi seekers, need to , reflect,re think , re strategize and realize they are being taken for a ride.

The Cause of Secularism

2008-08-20T22:50:00.000-04:00

I am Secular, and I am a Humanist. I am a Hindu.I am a Dogra from Jammu and I am also an Indian. Secular and proud to be a Hindu does not go together or atleast not considered true these days. Especially if you are a Dogra from Jammu and feel that the the cancellation of the land order to the Amarnath Board should be revoked.

I would not have wasted my breath proving my credentials but I feel the voice of the Jammu people is not reaching the mainstream. If you have seen any national TV debates recently you will know what I am saying. The Jammu region is sadly lacking a good orator. We are not comfortable with English and the region's representatives are seen as either incoherent like the Samiti convenor Leela Karan Sharma, or sounding like a right wing activist like Mr. Jitender Singh. The best of the lot is Sheikh Shakeel Ahmed, from the Jammu Bar Association. He is coherent though looks like he will break down as he is unable to put his point across and is pitted against word savvy opponents like Farooq Abdullah and Mirwaiz.

Because of this lack of good speakers the regions case is not being presented properly. The media has always sided with the underdog. The underdog here being the Kashmiri Muslim. Shockingly amiss is the Kashmiri Pandit viewpoint. If they do get the pandits on these debates the time allotted to them is miniscule. It is surprising how the media has forgotten that they are the underdogs here, with no home or hearth. Lack of media attention and oratorial skills has caused the right wing activists to exploit the situation. Pravin Togadia of VHP said it is a 'religious issue' and the entire nation read the Hindu nation supports the Jammuites. BJP supports Sangharsh Samiti and hence another reason for the issue to take on a communal tinge. The Samiti convenor Leela Karan Sharma is or was associated with RSS so that does not help either.

The fact that 48 other organizations are backing the Samiti is ignored.The fact that it is a People's Movement and has gone on for almost 60 days is inconsequential.The fact that the Samiti asked BJP and VHP to back off so that the issue is seen in its true light is given no due attention. The Samiti prevented Advani and Rajnath Singh from addressing rallies in Jammu. In yesterday's 'jail bharo' move the Gujjars who are Muslims also courted arrest. Gujjar Leader Fazal Din has been leading the Gujjars in this movement.Areas like Poonch, Doda, Rajouri, Kishtwar which have witnessed demographic changes with the migration of Hindus to Hindu majority areas as a result of terrorism has also witnessed protests in favor of the Samiti. Mostly by the remaining Hindus in those regions and the Gujjars.

Of course the forces trying to communalize the issues are working overtime. The breakdown of the long secular history of the region is critical for vote bank politics.

Glaring is the absence of Prime Minister Manmohan Singh's direct and visible involvement. The PM has been referring to the issue in J&K in speeches given at different venues.The Government in the Center has messed things up by its slow and delayed response.

The issue once again is:

1.Why should High Court Order which allows for building of temporary structures for pilgrims in the Baltal forest which otherwise is uninhabitable be revoked because the seperatists or political leadership in the valley did not approve. The pilgrimage is for a duration of 2 months in a year and some sheds are necessary due to inclement weather conditions. Some 250 pilgrims died in a snowstorm last year. The Shrine board is a body consisting of State Subjects and rumors were spread that it was not so. There were no efforts to dipel the rumors that the land would be permanently transferred to the Shrine Board. All land is under the jurisdiction of the Government.

2. Why should it be possible for the Kashmiri Muslims to buy property, do business and study in Jammu if the Jammuites cannot do the same in the valley. Jammuites are also state subjects and under the Article 370 entitled to similar rights.

The underlying problems of discrimination with the Jammu region thanks to an appeasement and cover up policy of the Center favors the valley.

The Valley has a seperate agenda, that of wanting freedom or azadi. Some want a merger with Pakistan but most, want to have nothing to do with either Pakistan or India.As a seperatist Kashmiri Muslim friend of mine said he wants absolute freedom, not a merger with Pakistan.He told me that he feels leaderless.He said,if the choice was only merger with Pakistan he prefers to settle in Bihar. Another young Kashmiri Muslim from the valley says this conflict of interest within the people of the valley might lead to a civil war like situation.They stand strong and united though and are clear that they want Azadi.

But the media has not been able to highlight the real issue which though is to do with a place of worship, is more complex. Arundhatis and Shabanas of the world raced to make politically correct statements without really studying and understanding the problem, hence sabotaging the issue.The issue will get distorted and twisted and maybe is taking and will take on a communal color, in the coming days.But that is not how and why it started.

I had to write this peice because I promised my 66 year old father in Jammu who courted arrest yesterday and today that I would hold onto my secular beliefs in the face of all odds. He asked me to view things in a balanced way and hoped it reflected in my writings.He reminded me that secularism is core to my region, my religion and my civilization.Secularism is in my blood.

History of Jammu and Kashmir

2008-08-19T23:12:00.000-04:00

Someone said that merger was not a bad idea because 300 years of history could not be undone by 61 years of enmity. The reference here is Kashmiri Muslims wanting a merger with Pakistan and India's 61 year long enmity with Pakistan.
If I was blessed with powers of divine intervention I would in the first place undo the partition of 1947. Or if the partition had to take place all the Muslims should have moved to Pakistan and the Hindus to Hindustan. But who am I to say that.
Also I have a sneaking suspicion that the bond with the land is sometimes a stronger bond than the bond we have with religion.
Today if I am asked to give up my home in Jammu because as a Dogra Hindu I need to move to India while the entire state of Jammu and Kashmir merges with Pakistan. Can I do that easily?
Mental institutions in Jammu have older Kashmiri Pandits who have gone insane after 1989. They lost their sanity after being driven away from their homes, apple orchards, their temples, the land of their forefathers.Many died in Jammu in the migration camps because they could not acclimatize to the higher temperatures of the plain.So many Kashmiri Pandits stopped being secular after 1989. The younger generations of Kashmiri Pandits struggle to maintain a facade of secularism if they try at all that is because they have seen their grandparents and parents suffer. They carry with them pictures of their ransacked and deserted homes.

How far in history do we have to go to prove our rightful claim to the land.

PRE HISTORIC TIMES

According to the oldest extant book on Kashmir, " Nilmat Puran ", in the Satisar lived a demon called Jalod Bowa, who tortured and devoured the people, who lived near mountain slopes. Hearing the suffering of the people, a great saint of our country, Kashyap by name, came to the rescue of the people here. After performing penance for a long time, the saint was blessed, and he was able to cut the mountain near Varahmulla, which blocked the water of the lake from flowing into the plains below. The lake was drained, the land appeared, and the demon was killed. The saint encouraged people from India to settle in the valley. The people named the valley as Kashyap-Mar and Kashyap-Pura. The name Kashmir also implies land desicated from water: "ka" (the water ) and shimeera (to desicate). The ancient Greeks called it "Kasperia" and the Chinese pilgrim Hien-Tsang who visited the valley around 631 A. D. called it KaShi-Mi-Lo ". In modern times the people of Kashmir have shortened it into "Kasheer" in their tongue.

HINDU PERIOD

Kalhan has started the history of Kashmir just before the great Mahabharat war, and the first King mentioned by him is Gonanda I, whose initial year of reign he places in 653 Kali-era, the traditional date of the coronation of King Yudhistira, the eldest brother of the Pandvas. Gonanda was killed in a battle along with his son in India, and at the time of the commencement of the Mahabharat war, Gonanda II was ruling Kashmir.The sanskrit work 'Ratnakar' also mentions the kings after Gonanda I.Ashoka too ruled kashmir and his grandson Damodar was a very popular king . The Srinagar airport was named after him Damodar e karwa. Kashmir was also ruled by Indi grek kings followed by Kushan rule. Then there waS the Karkota rule followed by Utpal dynasty. Lohara dynasty ruled Kashmir till the end of the HIndu rule(1339).

MUSLIM RULE
Shah Mir ascended the throne under the name of Sultan Shamas-ud-din, and his dynasty ruled the state for 222 years. This period is one of the most important in the annals of Kashmir, in as much as Islam was firmly established here.

MUGHAL PERIOD
The Moghuls remained in power here, from 1587 to 1752.

AFGHAN RULE: 1752 - 1819
Kashmir remained a dependency of Kabul rulers till 1819, roughly a period of 67 years.

SIKH RULE: 1819-46

DOGRA PERIOD : 1846 1957

The two Anglo-Sikh wars led to the final extinction of Sikh soverignty in the Punjab and by virtue of the treaties of Lahore and Amritsar the British who had by now become undisputed masters of India, transferred and made over in perpetuity, the independent position to the Maharaja Gulab Singh and heirs male of his body, all the hilly and mountainous country situated to the east of Indus, and west of Ravi river. In consideration of this transfer Maharaja Gulab Singh paid to the British government the sum of 75 lakhs of rupees. Maharaja Gulab Singh entered Srinagar on 9th November 1848 at 8 in the morning. The Dogra royal line traces its descent from the ancient Kshatriyas mentioned frequently in Mahabharata. The Dogra ruler claimed that they belong to the Surya Vanshi (sun born) race.

It was on 26th Jan. 1957 that the Kashmir Constiuent Assembly ended the hereditary rule of the Hindu monarchy in the state exactly after one hundred and ten years of its establishment. The Partition in 1947 on communal lines meant disaster for the region. Pakistan sent its guerrilla fighters who especially targeted the Hindus. Pakistan wanted to grab Kashmir, even though its ruler in the terms of Independance Act, had acceded to India, and signed the instrument of Accession as required under the said Act. The main burden of Pakistan invasion had to be borne by the Hindus of the districts of Muzzafarbad, Baramulla, Poonch, Rajuari, Mirpur, Bhimber, Kotli, Skardu, Gilgit and Ladakh. Thousands of people became the victims and lost their lives for no fault of theirs, and property worth crores accumulated for decades was lost just within a weeks time. Major demographic changes occured and the migration of Hindus from Muslim majority areas in the region which support Pakistan has been an ongoing process.

Who then decides whose land is it anyway?

Azadi = Merger with Pakistan?

2008-08-18T22:06:00.000-04:00

Hardline separatist leader Syed Ali Shah Geelani on Monday demanded the merger of Jammu and Kashmir with Pakistan.
Addressing a mammoth gathering at the tourist reception centre in Srinagar, Gillani said there was "no solution to the Kashmir issue other than merger with Pakistan".
"We are Pakistanis and Pakistan is us because we are tied with the country through Islam," he roared, as the crowd cheered him and chanted: "Hum Pakistani hain, Pakistan hamara hai" (We are Pakistanis, Pakistan is ours).

I am so disappointed for many people. The Kashmiri Muslims fighting for freedom from POK.
The Muslims waging a war for freedom from Pakistan in Balawaristan.

For the people in Aksai Chin (China Occupied Kashmir)who harbored dreams of re-integrating with Kashmir.

And most of all I am the saddest for the Kashmiri Muslims from the valley who had their hearts set on Azad Kashmir , a Kashmir which included POK and was independent from both Pakistan and India. Your leaders have let you down.

Geelani said on Monday that they had a connection with Pakistan because of Islam. So it has been a communal fight all along. Then why blame Jammu of communal ism.

I had been asking Kashmiri Muslims who were pro freedom some tough question on some forums and had not been getting answers. The million dollar question was WHAT AFTER AZADI? I asked them yesterday if they or their leaders had a blueprint for Azad Kashmir.
The separatists submitted a memorandum to the US oops sorry the UN. Well the error because it is US which decides which issue is important for the UN to intervene and and how. And when the UN still does not back US intentions it just goes ahead and does it anyway.
Well my take on this memorandum yesterday was...The UN will just appeal to India to handle the matter peacefully and engage in an all party dialogue, including Pakistan. Although I wonder what Pakistan will bring to the table, it is not even willing to open the trade routes. And is now busy deciding what to do with Musharraf.

And if UN agrees to intervene more actively I wonder about the hidden interest the US might have in Kashmir. Well it is strategically located, for starters...US is already in Pakistan and Afghanistan looking for terrorists and it is they who call it.. hunting down Islamic Terrorists. Troops based in Kashmir would mean controlling and monitoring an Islamic State. An Islamic state is what Kashmir would be in the International Community's eyes. And it would give the US an upper hand with its opponent China. It will be breathing down China's neck from the valley. I am worried about the HR violations then..the US in general is wary of anyone with a beard and brown skin after 9/11.

The US/ UN will justify this occupation because the demand of Azadi is backed by no blueprint or preparation of how the Azad Kashmiris will sustain themselves ...especially how will they protect their borders from ready to attack and occupy- Pakistan and China?

But I guess the questions I posed yesterday were useless becuase there is a blueprint for Azadi and that is a merger with Pakistan based on the theory of one religion one nation.

I find this statement by Geelani disturbing because I personally know of Kashmiri Muslim youth who are pro azadi and for their own justified reasons. These young Kashmiri Muslim men are clear they want freedom from both Pakistan and India. These men are also secular in nature and have said to me that they do not think of India as their enemy as long as they are granted freedom. But their naivete in trusting the secessionist leadership who is on the Pakistani payroll has let them down.

The lesson here for the Dogras and Kashmiri Pandits and all the other pro India groups - protect you rights.

Let us not be worried about pseudo intellectuals like Arundhati Roy who said
"Kashmir needs freedom from India". To all those who think she has acted like an anti national Arundhati Roy is a bigger traitor to the Kashmiri interests ...by saying what she said she played into the hands of leaders like Geelani and help crush the pro azadi ..independence from both Pakistan and India dreams of many a kashmiri muslim youth.
People like her need to do things like this from time to time to keep themselves in the news. Luckily for her and unluckily for those whose interests she has hurt that our great nation is a democracy and she too is entitled to her views.

Jammu Vs. Kashmir The Battle Continues...

2008-08-17T22:48:00.000-04:00

Jammu entered into the 26th day of Bandh and 49th day of agitation in response to a call given by Shri Amarnath Yatra Sangarsh Samiti (SAYSS) demanding restoration of 800 kanals land to Shri Amarnath Shrine Board (SASB).

In the valley on the other hand the chairmen of parallel factions of Hurriyat Conference, Syed Ali Geelani and Mirwaiz Umar Farooq on Sunday said that the resistance struggle will continue and asked people to gather on Monday and a procession would be taken out heading towards Sonawar to submit a memorandum at the United Nations Military Observers (UNMO) office. The Hurriyat’s Coordination Committee also said there will be no strike from Tuesday to Thursday.

The SAYSS has said that it is open for talks if the center has concrete plans. The first all party delegation which came to Jammu to they allege was not serious about resolving the issue. The Sangharsh Samiti has alleged that Amar Singh was sleeping through the meeting.The convenor of the Samiti has said thatthey are open for a 'middle path' if it comes form the government.

The whole scenario is gradually but inevitably taking a communal tone.Some Gujjar khullas or huts wre burnt.The Samiti alleges these khullas were empty as the Gujjars are a nomadic tribe and move to the mountains in summer. The Kashmiri Muslims of the valley have claimed beating up of Kashmiri truck drivers in Jammu by hindu fundamentalists. It has resulted in the death of one driver.

2000 semi and unskilled laborers have left the valley under the threat of severe repercussions by militants and locals. These laborers were mostly from Bihar and Jharkhand.

The Center, Congress and the UPA meanwhile is still bungling along. The blame of worsening conditions is in large part due to the ineptness shown by the Centarl goverment. Some of the glaring mistakes were :
a)It took the Center 40 days of agitation in the Jammu region which was preceded by violent protests in the valley to take note of the problem.
b)The whole issue of "economic blockade" was being politicised and blown out of proportion. There was a bandh in Jammu and the highway was affected too. There was a call of blocking the highway to Srinagar. The government took time in taking help of the army to clear the highway. The highway was cleared within a day or two but no efforts were made to dipel the notion that the 'blockade' had been lifted.
c) If there was and is a shortage of essental commodities they could have been airlifted to the valley.
d) The seriousness of the crisis has still been not appreciated by the government beacuse there is no direct involvement of the Prime Minister as yet.

So while the Center sleepwalks through the issue parties like BJP, PDP, NC are playing the game of votebank politics and hoping to piggyback happily to the upcoming elections in 2009. The seperatist leaders in the valley and the communal forces elsewhere are having the last laugh.

Devil's Labyrinth or Heaven on Earth

2008-08-15T01:04:00.000-04:00

Violence in Jammu and Kashmir continues. Jammu has entered its 46th day of agitation and 16th day of bandh.In the valley there has been a call for bandh till the 18th of august. There has been loss of life and property.

Though the row started over the Amarnath Land transfer or rather land leasing issue, it has snowballed into a demand for Azadi for Kashmir by the Kashmiri hardliners like Hurriyat Conference and a do or die matter of honor for the Dogras of the Jammu region.

It is and has been a very complicated issue thanks to its history, various ethnic groups and their religious and political affiliations. If my previous posts have seemed to simplify the matter, that was not the intention.

I have previously stated that the Dogras of the Jammu region are united in their struggle, hindus and muslims alike. But this statement is likely to cause confusion. By Muslims of the region I meant the Dogra Muslims. The demography of the region is the key to understanding the problem. There are now 10 districts in Jammu region: Jammu, Kathua ,Udhampur, Samba, Reasi, Poonch, Rajouri, Doda,Kishtwar,Ramban
Out of these only Jammu, Kathua, Reasi, Udhampur and Samba are predominantly Hindu. The Hindus are mostly Dogras. The districts of Poonch, Rajouri, Doda , Kishtwar and Ramban have Muslim majority.

Historically , Poonchies have rebelled against the Maharaja of J&K a Dogra Ruler. During the partition they fought to get independence from Jammu. They have had an anti India stance since then.Since Rajouri District shares its borders with Pakistan, it is the site of infiltration and militant activity. Due to militancy substantial minority communities have moved to the Hindu dominated districts near Jammu. The militants hiding in the forests in and around Rajouri have either brainwashed or threatened the locals to adopt a seperatist view.

The Dogra Muslims have chosen to support the Hindus in the Amarnath issue. They also agree that the people of Jammu region especially Dogras have faced discrimination. They stand united with their Hindu brothers in demand for justice.
In Ramnagar tehsil in Udhampur District Mr.Dilkhursheed, a Muslim has been made the Chairman of the Amarnath Sangharsh Samiti. Prominent Dogra Muslims like Sheikh Shakeel,Member Jammu Bar Association, Abdul Mazeer the Chairman of the Muslim Congregation Jammu, have joined their Hindu counterparts in the agitation.

Kashmir Valley has the history of struggle against the Maharaja. Even during the partition many did not agree with the Maharaja's decision to accede to India. Many in the valley still want independence from India and want a separate country which includes the POK.

Kashmiri Pandits and the Dogras stand united but were not on very cordial terms with each other before. The Pandits appreciate the fact that Jammu opened its doors for them in the 1989 mass exodus but some of them feel that the Dogras were silent spectators during their persecution. Dogras empathize with the Pandits but harbor resentment over the years of discrimination and governance which favored the Kashmiris.

These are the major players but there many more in this circus. The Ladakhis, Baltis. Gujjars ,Bakkerwaals....The more the merrier they say, but here the case is not so. It means more complexities and more difficulty in finding a long term solution to the problem.

Is it Heaven on Earth or the Devil's labyrinth is the question I am asking myself these days.

The Pot Calling the Kettle Black

2008-08-13T23:05:00.000-04:00

Pakistan Foreign Office said it was approaching the international community, the UN, Organisation of Islamic Conference and human rights organisations, urging them to "take notice" of the situation in Jammu and Kashmir.

I condone the killings and loss of property in the Kashmir and in Jammu, but this latest rhetoric by Pakistan is ridiculous. Pakistan has poor human rights records by both local and international standards. At a time when the regions of Baltistan and Gilgit are fighting for their freedom from Pakistan occupation, Pakistan's concern for Kashmir's freedom is bewildering.
Check out: http://www.balawaristan.blogspot.com/

As in previous years, violence against women remained rampant in Pakistan. Under Pakistan's existing Hudood Ordinance, proof of rape generally requires the confession of the accused or the testimony of four adult Muslim males who witnessed the assault. If a woman cannot prove her rape allegation she runs a very high risk of being charged with fornication or adultery, the criminal penalty for which is either a long prison sentence and public whipping, or, though rare, death by stoning. The testimony of a woman carries half the weight of a man’s testimony under this ordinance. The government has yet to repeal or reform the Hudood Ordinance, despite repeated calls for its repeal by the government-run National Commission on the Status of Women, as well as women’s rights and human rights groups. Informed estimates suggest that tens of thousands of cases under the Hudood laws are under process at various levels in Pakistan’s legal system.

Domestic and international human rights organizations and media drew attention this year to the government’s dismissive attitude regarding violence against women. In January 2005 Shazia Khalid, a doctor, was raped by a masked intruder alleged to be an army officer in Balochistan province. Khalid, who subsequently fled to London, accused President Musharraf’s principal secretary of acting on behalf of the Pakistan Army in personally coercing her to leave the country. Mukhtaran Mai, who was gang-raped on the orders of a village council in 2002, was denied permission to travel to the United States in June, in order to prevent her from “maligning” Pakistan. The ban was lifted after an international outcry.

President Musharraf subsequently sparked international outrage by publicly stating that rape has become a “money-making concern,” and suggesting that many Pakistanis felt it was an easy way to get a foreign visa. He specifically mentioned both Mukhtaran Mai and Shazia Khalid in this context. Despite the international and domestic condemnation, President Musharraf has not apologized for these remarks or withdrawn them.

Pakistan's Blasphemy Laws target Christians and Hindus living in the country.Several minority Muslim communities, such as the Mojahir and the Ahmadiyya have been attacked in Pakistan over the years. Plus, the ethnic Balochi have allegedly been severely discriminated against, leading them to start a secessionist movement under Nawab Akbar Bugti called the balochistan Liberation Army.Sectarian violence also increased in the predominantly Shi’a Northern Areas. In January Agha Ziauddin, a leading Shia cleric, was murdered in the Himalayan city of Gilgit.

Since 2001 the conduct of the “war on terror" in Pakistan has involved serious violations of human rights. Suspects arrested and held on terrorism charges frequently were detained without charge and subject to trials without proper judicial process. For example, Zain Afzal and Kashan Afzal, U.S. citizens of Pakistani origin, were abducted from their home in Karachi in August 2004 by Pakistani intelligence agents. They were released on April 22, 2005, without having been charged, after Human Rights Watch intervened. During eight months of illegal detention, the two brothers were repeatedly interrogated and threatened by U.S. FBI agents operating in Pakistan, and were subjected to torture by the Pakistani security services.

Military operations are ongoing in South Waziristan, adjacent to the Afghan border, and previously noted problems persist, including collective punishment, extrajudicial executions, arbitrary detentions, and limited access to prisoners.

Pakistan has attacked Human Rights defenders most famously Asma Jehangirthe U.N. special rapporteur on freedom of religion and head of the Human Rights Commission of Pakistan, the country’s largest such nongovernmental group, was publicly beaten. The police, under orders, also attempted to strip her naked. Some forty others, including Hina Jilani, the U.N. special rapporteur on the situation of human rights defenders, were also beaten and arrested by the provincial police and the federal Intelligence Bureau. This was during an event designed to highlight violence against women in 2005.

The list is longer.It is definitely the case of kettle calling the pot black.

Pakistan's rhetoric is only going to hamper the peace process in India. It serves no ne of the concerned parties, the Kashmiri Muslims or the Kashmiri Pandits or the Dogras. I wish Paksistan would concentrate on its money laundering President rather than creating mischief across the border.